I try to be excited for her, think about texting her congrats as I walk up the stairs to Dr. Manning’s office.
Leaning against the wall next to her door, I find the photo for a third time, and accidentally like it. Immediately I tap my phone to remove the red heart and shove my phone into my bag.
Good for Izzy. I’m happy for Izzy—valiant effort at sounding convincing, Sutton.I roll my eyes at myself. All I can convince myself about right now is that she’s right.
“You wanted to see me?” Dr. Manning’s office door opens, light pouring into her office, coating everything in a warmth, as she calls me in.
After I didn’t get into the internship, I’ve been avoiding her. I know I still have a full year left at school, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I feel like I wasted her time. I failed her. It won’t be worth it to work with me again next year.
The self-doubt and insecurities I used to know well are back. Printed on my body as if they are a temporary tattoo that won’t rub off. The more I try, the more irritated I become.
“Sutton. How are you today?” She smiles at me brightly, her fresh bobbed hair brushing her high cheekbones as she spins in her oversized leather chair.
“I’m okay.” I gulp, swallow a shard of another ruined dream. “Busy,” I add.
“Well, I’m about to make that okay, great.”
Impossible, but okay.
I shift awkwardly in the chair across from her, my shoulders straight and legs crossed at the ankles.
“I met with the Dean of Students and the department chair this morning.” My throat goes dry. Any optimism is wrung out of me. “They are impressed with you. The whole package—paper, dedication to the study, application of real-life experience. They’ve accepted the addition. Sports psychology is officially a minor at Lakeland.”
My stomach does a somersault. “What?”
“That’s not all. They are adding additional resources for student-athletes in the Student Health Center. Bringing on specific therapists to work with the teams. At the start of every season, there will be a seminar on mental health.”
“Wait, I’m confused. How is this all happening?”
“Coach Mathieson and Mr. Carmichael spoke to the University and attended the meeting this morning.”
That’s where he snuck off early this morning and wouldn’t tell me. I’m in disbelief. Half of me wants to be excited, but the other half of me knows that it still wasn’t enough.
“I didn’t get the internship,” I blurt.
“Yes, I know.”
“You do?”
“Avoiding me? I’m older and wiser than you think.” She walks around the front of her desk, leaning back on it. “Plus, I know someone in the office. Sutton, there were threehundred students who applied for that internship. Twenty were interviewed.”
“Let me guess, I was ranked twenty.” Cooper would be scolding me for my self-deprecation.
“No.” Dr. Manning shakes her head. “Just because this door is closed, doesn’t mean another one isn’t opening.”
As if on cue, her office door swings open.
“I didn’t have an internship the summer after my junior year, and I turned out great.”
“Great? How humble of you, Vivi,” the newcomer says. Vivi?
Heels click across the hardwood. I turn over my shoulder to find Dr. Zando, a Senior Psychological Service Provider for Team USA.
“Allie.” Allie?
My list of idols, people I want to be, isn’t long. Meave tops it, then Mom and Dad, followed by Kendall Coyne Schofield, and recently Dr. Zando.
My eyes bug. Holy shit. I smack a hand over my mouth before I say something stupid.
