Jaw clenches and shifts, teeth grinding together. “Are you enjoying yourself?”
Enjoying myself? “What are you talking about?”
“Having the attention of two guys? Does he know what you were doing that morning before you were with him?”
With him? Who is him? I haven’t been with anyone except Cooper…
Cooper scoff-laughs. “I saw you with him!”
I run through the Rolodex in my head. Him has to be Zach. “It wasn?—”
“Don’t lie, Dave.”
I’m not sure how to feel right now. Angry? Confused? Hurt? The implications gut me. Even on my worst days, when hating Cooper was easier than breathing, I’d never do this to him. I’d never play him, especially now. Especially when—there it is again. It’s like a stone or some sort of speed bump that keeps me from admitting the truth to myself.
“Have you been thinking about us?” Cooper asks, hand forming a fist then uncurling and flexing.
The lie rolls off my tongue smoother than freshly Zambonied ice. “No.”
Cooper shakes his head while running a hand through his hair, pulling at the grown-out strands. A muffled, unrecognizable sound escapes him.
Another part of my heart breaks off as I watch something in him shatter…or maybe harden. Am I being tucked away in the box he keeps hidden in his head? The one that weighs more than it should.
Standing here, the physical distance between us is barely two tiles, but the emotional distance has never been farther. But I push him away. My heart is screaming at me, rapidly beating, threatening to stop.
He lets out a singular saccharine laugh. “Then, no, I’m not okay. I’ll never be okay because I know I’ll never really be yours. Not in the way I want.” Cooper spins me to face him. “Tell me, how should I be okay?”
My eyes flare. My thighs tighten, squeeze together. My bad knee locks—and for a split second, I think it’s going to buckle on me. Give out. Give up on me, same as my traitorous heart, and shoulders pulled together like someone is tying a bow. There aren’t tile floors beneath me, but fresh cement keeps me in place.
How should he be okay?
How am I supposed to be okay?
Cooper scrunches his eyes together. Dark, midnight dipped eyelashes meet his cheeks. His chest rises and falls, pecs pressed against his tight, spandex shirt.
“Boundaries. You told me I needed them.”
Boundaries. That word rings in my head and snaps mine back into place. Every single one that I put in place over the years. I’m reminded that he pushed them. He never cared for mine, so why should I?
Because you care for him, my heart beats.
“And I’m a boundary.” My voice is monotone. Doesn’t shake, doesn’t waver.
“You have to be Sutton. It’s killing me. You’re killing me. I can’t help you fall in love with someone else when I l?—”
“Don’t say it. Don’t tell me.” If he does, then it’s real, and I don’t know if there’s an AED or doctor out there that could restart my heart. I want to tell him, but I don’t.
I feel something wet on my cheek. Quickly, I wipe it away.
The battle waging inside of me feels like I’m on a Tilt-A-Whirl.
“I’ll find someone new for my study.”
Cooper shakes his head no. “We are almost to the end. I’ll finish it with you, but besides that…” He trails off, digs his teethinto his bottom lip as if he’s trying to stop himself from saying what he ultimately ends up saying. “I’m done.”
“Okay.” I swallow our reality.
We stare at each other. He blows out a breath, chews on the inside of his cheek.
