These years I haven’t walked around wanting to be close to someone, to be chosen. I’ve shrunk my life down as small as possible, and tricked myself into thinking that’s what’s best. It’s an effort to make enough room in my world for him, but one that might be worth it.
“I don’t want to go. Henri, you don’t have to break both of our hearts. There’s school breaks and planes and summers. We can make this work if we want to. If you need me, I’ll be there,” he promises and I believe him.
I believe that he’ll come for me the same way he did when I was on the ice. But that doesn’t change reality.
I shake my head. “Let’s not be careless with each other. I don’t want to resent you. I want to have all these memories with you and know that they’re good, because what happens when you have to choose between me and your family’s business, this legacy? It’s not going to be simple.”
His breath hitches. “But for now?”
“I can commit to right now. I can swear I’m yours until the moment I’m on that damn airplane.” No more running. I will only have this with him once and I’m not going to be a coward about it. It’s going to hurt, but I’d rather have that pain than not have him at all.
“Then you’re mine. Right here. Right now.”
Twisting in his arms, I plant a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He captures the nape of my neck, fingers threading through my hair. Somehow, I manage to reach out and find the nightstand to set down the glass in my hand. He drags me up his lap and I moan as he hardens under me.
“Fuck. I had a dream like this last night,” I tell him as nips at the skin at the juncture of my neck.
“Yeah, I had that impression.”
“What?”
“Why else do you think I was trying to escape?” He laughs. “I’m all for getting you off but I want to make sure you’re awake and consenting.”
“And if I want you to right now?”
His brows raise. “Are you sure you’re up to it?”
I lock my hips against his. “Seems like a good way to raise my core temperature.”
“Shit, woman, you’re a fucking menace,” he says with a grunt, flipping us over so I’m on my back and he’s hovering over me.
My legs wrap around him as his smiling mouth claims my lips. Reaching down, I palm him through his pants. This. All of this is mine, and I’m not going to back down.
He breaks away, giving me a clear view of how his irises have blown wide enough to swallow the hazel of his eyes. “Do you trust me?”
I answer without having to think. “Yes.”
“Let me take control.” His hand dips under the hem of his sweater that I’m wearing, stroking the soft skin there. “You don’t need to think. You can turn off that brilliant brain of yours and just let me show you how fucking obsessed I am with you.”
“I thought that’s exactly what you were already doing.” I cock a brow.
“My way would mean you can’t touch me. Or see me.”
“Show me.”
He gets up, giving me a full view of the erection tenting his sweatpants as he goes into the hall. When he returns, there’s a bundle of scarves in his hands.
“What do you say if you need to tap out?” he asks.
“Stop.”
“Good girl.” With those words, he grabs my ankle.
I yelp as my body is dragged to the center of the bed. He yanks the boxers from my body, leaving me in only the sweater as he gets to work. The brown scarf he winds around me then secures to a bedpost is soft, but tight enough that I won’t slip free if I tug against it.
“Open those legs for me, baby,” he instructs and I obey.
Fuck there it is again, that thrill that comes with not having to make decisions and just giving up control.
