His hands move from their resting place, drifting through the water, before grazing up my thighs to land on my hips. My mouth goes dry, and when I meet his gaze I find a heat there that glues me into place.
“We shouldn’t.” Though the words are weak as they spill from my lips—one final feeble defense.
“Why? Because of the article? Fuck the article. The only reason I agreed to do the follow-up was because it meant I had more time with you. I have everything I need for it and I know that if I don’t go for this, I’ll regret it every day,” he says. “Go ahead, lie to me again. Tell me that our kiss was just fine—just a blip. Tell me you don’t think about it all the damn time. Because I’ve never stopped.”
“I do.” I swallow. “I think about it and don’t know how to stop.”
“Then why can’t we have a week of this? Of us?”
He draws me closer and I let him. I float up and land so I’m seated on his lap, my thighs on either side of him. He’s hard under me, his erection pressing between my legs.
“Because I don’t know how,” I say, placing my hands so they rest on his shoulders. It’s one final excuse, because I do want this, want him, and I’m running out of ways to push him away. It will be temporary—just a few days—and, as Iris has reminded me plenty, he’s not paying me to be here.Spitfireis.
“Are you a—” His grip loosens.
“I’m not a virgin. It’s just been a really long time and I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten everything. Like . . . I’m bad; I’m not worth your time. It’s not going to be good, Liam. I’m only a fantasy and those aren’t ever satisfying.” The truth rushes out of me. For all my flirting and suggestive jabs, I’m clueless. My bravado is just an illusion. Behind it, I’m safe and powerful. It wasn’t like it was even ever that good in college. My mind always went to how my body looked or drifted somewhere else entirely. More often thannot, I’d pretend to come and then lay there waiting for it to be over. “It’s easy to put on a show when it’s for people who don’t matter.”
And that’s it, isn’t it?
I’ve lived behind this wall, able to control exactly what people see, making sure I live up to all of their expectations. Moving when things started feeling too real. And now I’m on the precipice, about to tip over into a phase of my life where I can’t just wear a disguise and it terrifies me.
One of the hands on my waist lets go, moving to my face to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I don’t see how that’s possible when you feel like the one thing I can hold onto right now. Just standing there, with that shirt clinging to your chest, does fucking dangerous things to me. But if you want, I can teach you how to make yourself feel good. How to use me to make yourself come.”
“How selfless.”
“God. No. You’ve got it wrong.” A smirk flashes across his mouth. He leans in, nose feathering across my cheek until his lips are next to my ear. Fingers splay across my stomach, teasing, dipping just into my waistband and I squirm, desperate to relieve the blooming heat between my thighs. “In ten years, you’ll remember this; you’ll think of me. I’m terribly selfish when it comes to you. My favorite vice.”
“Just hooking up? That’s all?” I check. I can do that—just make each other feel good. And it would be nice to get past this fear of mine. One less thing to have a hold over me.
“And you still have to pretend to be wildly in love with me until Christmas. I like that.” He rocks his hips and I gasp. “So, Henri, can I touch you?”
I nod frantically.
“I need your words.”
“Liam, fucking touch me or I’ll run out of here to take care of it myself.”
“There’s that mouth of yours.”
His hand slips into my shorts, past my underwear. I buck forward against his shoulder as his fingers explore me, testing, stroking, not quite reaching where I need him.
“I thought you were good at this,” I groan in protest, rocking my hips to help him.
“Oh, you want me to do this? Right?” With swift finesse he finds my clit—just a quick flick.
I cry out, but the sound is cut off when his mouth meets mine. My hands slip into the damp strands of his hair as his tongue slashes into my mouth.
Teeth nip at my bottom lip before he pulls away just enough to speak against my mouth. “No one can see us here, but they can hear you. And I doubt you want that. Can you be quiet for me?”
“Yes.”
“Good girl.” A finger drives into me and curls. “I’m going to add another soon and then you’re going to ride my hand as if you were riding me. You’re going to use it to get yourself off, do you understand?”
“I’ll try.” I try not to tense at his attention fixed on me, how I must look like a drenched rat. The glimmer of satisfaction dims. Why can’t I just get out of my head?
“Relax, Henri baby.” That’s all it takes and I’m back in my body, feeling him pressed against me, a second finger slipping inside me. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
I rock my hips, tentatively at first, finding a rhythm. Using his shoulders to support my movement, I bounce. And as I do, Liam’s attention snaps to my tits, trapped in wet cotton. With his free hand, he undoes the buttons, exposing my chest. My nipples are peaked against the kiss of the winter night, but the cold meltsaway when his tongue swirls around one, teeth scraping in a shock of delightful pain.
