“Emily,” I began, that thick feeling back in my throat. The sadness in my voice had her throwing up her walls.
“Don’t,” she pleaded. “I know what this is. I know you’re leaving. Just let me enjoy this while I can.”
I moved without thinking. One second I was laying beside her, and the next I had her pinned to the mattress, my large body hovering above hers.
“If I could change things…” I began, staring into her eyes and holding her gaze. “If I couldstayfor anybody, it would be you.” Her chin trembled, and her eyes misted over. “But with the current trajectory my life is on, it’s not possible.” Maybe one day, if my current boss retired or left the company, I could come back, but I wouldn’t tell her that. I didn’t expect her to wait on me, to put her life on hold or avoid finding the person she was truly meant to be with. Even if seeing her with someone else one day would rip my heart from my chest and shred it to pieces.
27
EMILY
There was no getting around it. I was in love with Donovan Hughes. Of course I would fall for the wrong man. I always did. My ex was a prime example of that. Narcissistic. Serial cheater. Emotionally abusive. He was all things terrible, and it took me far too long to wake up to his horrible treatment. Donovan was none of those things. He was honest and up front about everything. He just also happened to be emotionally unavailable.
It was clear he cared about me and enjoyed our time together, but it would never go deeper than that. He wouldn’t give up his career goals now that they were within reach, and I would never ask him to. He also hadn’t asked me to come to Boston with him, so his feelings clearly didn’t run as deeply as mine did.
For the record, if he’d asked, I would've said yes. It would’ve been hard leaving my family behind, but it was going to be harder trying to raise one with a man who lived several states away, a man who was slowly breaking my heart a little more every day. He’d been so good to me since I came to live with him a couple weeks ago. He was gentle, kind, and attentive. He made sure to stock all my favorite snacks in his pantry, put gas in mycar when the tank was low, and ensured that I ate even when I got busy with work. He’d even helped me pack up everything I needed from my apartment once the fire chief cleared the scene and spent the day helping me with laundry so I could wash the smell of smoke out of my clothes.
And every night, he showed me with his lips and hands and body what I’d be missing once he was gone.
After that first night sharing his bed, neither of us were willing to go back to our previous sleeping arrangement. I was ravenous for him, and he was more than happy to satisfy my every need. I wasn’t sure how long it would last or if he’d keep this going until he left. All I knew was that I’d take whatever he would give me because I knew the clock was running out on our time together. Maybe that made me pathetic, but I didn’t care.
After our original arrangement ended, I was devastated. I stuck to the plan and didn’t contact him even though I'd been desperate to hear his voice. I wouldn’t squander this second chance at having him all to myself before I lost him for good.
“I’m heading to the airport,” Donovan said as he entered the kitchen, rolling a suitcase behind him. He was flying to Boston to meet with his team. He would only be gone one night, but it felt like an eternity knowing I’d be all alone in his big empty bed. I shook away those thoughts and plastered on a smile.
“Have a safe flight.”
And please come back to me.
I didn’t give voice to those thoughts. How could I? I wouldn’t guilt him into staying or try to convince him not to take the job. I wanted him to choose me, to chooseus, on his own.
He hesitated a moment, uncertainty flashing in his eyes. Then he crossed to me, eating up the distance in three quick strides. He pulled me into his arms and crushed his lips to mine. I slipped my arms around his neck and arched into him, relishing the feel of his hard body against mine. His tonguetangled with mine, and his hands fisted into the back of my shirt. There was so much longing in his kiss, I thought he might hold on and never let go.
Much to my disappointment, he pulled back, loosening his grip on me. He dropped his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promised, but it felt like a lie.
It felt like he was telling me goodbye.
“Well, this is a pleasant surprise,”Delilah crooned after opening her door to find me standing on her front porch. Her smile melted away, and her face filled with worry when she took me in. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s gone,” I said, my voice wobbly as I tried to hold back the tears. “And I didn’t even try to stop him.” The dam broke, and a sob tore out of me. My cousin instantly pulled me into a hug, and I cried into her shoulder.
“Let’s get you inside,” she said, guiding me through the front door. She led me to the kitchen and pulled out a seat at the table for me before going to the stove and stirring something in a large pot. Replacing the lid, she took the seat next to mine and gripped my hand. “What do you mean he’s gone? He’s not supposed to leave for another couple months.”
“He went to Boston for a meeting,” I said, sniffling. Her shoulders sagged with relief, and the tight pinch of her brow relaxed.
“So he’ll be back soon?”
I nodded. “Tomorrow night,” I confirmed.
“Okay,” she said, drawing out the word, hoping for me to elaborate.
“I don’t like him not being there in the evening. The house feels empty without him. I don’t want to go to bed alone.” Delilah’s eyes widened, and I sucked in a sharp breath. As far as everyone knew, we were keeping things platonic while I was staying with him. That had been the plan, but we shot that all to hell a few nights in, and I didn’t have it in me to regret a single moment.
“You’re in love with him, aren't you?” Delilah asked after a moment.
“Desperately,” I replied honestly.
