“If you tell me what you need, I can help you,” he goes on.
I glance around, making sure again that no one is in listening distance and lean forward to pick a few chamomile flowers.Despite it being October, everything in the garden is growing and healthy, albeit drooping over because of the overnight rain.
“I need…,” I whisper, barely moving my lips.“I need something to prevent pregnancy.Especially after all you’ve just told me.”
He goes silent for a moment.
“I see,” he says uneasily.“I’m going to assume you…I mean, are you worried about me, or…”
I swallow the brick in my throat as I eye him.“Either way,” I whisper.
He flinches, just a little, and anxiously runs his hand through his hair.“Did he come inside you the other night?”He pauses, a hard look coming over his eyes.“Before he assaulted you?”
I nod.I don’t feel ashamed for having slept with Brom that night, but Crane’s words have weight.
“There’s a chance that I already got you pregnant,” Crane adds, sounding strangely hopeful.“Then you have nothing to worry about.”
I almost laugh, then give him an incredulous look.His face is totally grave.
He’s serious.
“You mean to say that you getting me pregnant is nothing to worry about?”I ask.
“It would solve a lot of problems,” he says with a shrug.
“It wouldcreatea lot of problems.”
He gives me a shy smile.“Would it?”he asks, his voice soft.
His sincerity scares me.“Crane…”
“Right,” he says with a sigh, frowning at the garden.“Where were we?”
I can’t help but stare at him for a moment as he starts rifling through the herbs.Was he serious about wanting to get me pregnant?Does Crane want to become a father?Goodness, we aren’t even married.We aren’t even in love.
But that last thought has my heart twisted in knots.
“This should help,” Crane says, picking what I recognize as feverfew and yarrow and a few other herbs and flowers that I don’t know.
“You don’t even have to consult a book?”I ask him.
His face lengthens.“I already did.Soon as I guessed what the coven’s plan might be.Only in a witch’s text would this be found.The rest of the world doesn’t want women to have that sort of power.”
I stare at the plants in his hand.“I wouldn’t be surprised if those books disappear, if the coven ever catches on to what we’re doing.”
He nods, sticking the plants inside his coat.“Then these are safest with me.I’ll make you a tincture and bring it to your class tomorrow.”
Then he puts his hand on my lower back, and for all that just happened in the library, for his seed that is still wet between my thighs, the feeling of his slightly possessive grip at my waist almost unravels me.
He steers me away from the garden and toward my dorm, though he doesn’t walk me all the way there.
“I’ll see you in class tomorrow,” he says to me when we’re halfway across the yard, giving me a polite wave that I know is just for show.
“I’ll make sure I do my homework,” I answer before turning my back to him and hurrying back to my room.
—
The next morningI forced myself to go to the dining hall to have breakfast.I missed out on dinner because I was too busy in the library trying to read the rest of the ritual and spell books that Crane had selected, and when I was done I was able to grab a piece of the leftover pastry that the cooks leave out each day.Also, I was too afraid to go and sit by myself, thinking no one would want me at their table.
