I turn my head to glance at him from the corner of my eye.
Crane.His name is Ichabod Crane.
The mystery man at the opium den.
He had been watching me and I had been watching him.
Wondering what he wanted with me.His mannerisms were so refined despite the smoke going into his lungs.He seemed worldly.
And it seemed he wanted me.
I hated that I wanted him.
Then tonight he got up and approached me and offered me a bath and a place to stay.Anywhere was better than the slums I had been sleeping in, even though the idea of being with him both terrified and thrilled me.
So I came with him here.
I took a much-needed bath.
And then I sucked him off and reveled in his praise.
Feeling like I was good.Worthy.
I was wanted.
I was safe.
It had been such a long time since I felt any of those things.
I’ve been running forsolong.
“What haunts you, Abe?”he asks, brushing the hair off my head.I close my eyes to his touch but then stop myself, pulling away and putting distance between us.
“Everything,” I tell him though I know this man won’t leave it at that.
“That much I know,” he muses.
I lean forward and he puts his hand on my back, fingers gently brushing my spine.I hate how good it feels, hate how badly I want this man to use me again like he did earlier.That feeling of being wanted and desired so much, that urge I have inside to please.
I want to please him and keep pleasing him.
“This isn’t the first time for you,” he says.“Or is it?”
I shake my head no.“I don’t do this often,” I say, my voice raw.
There was only Pastor Ross.That man had started off as a father figure to me, someone who I turned to because my ownfather acted like I didn’t exist.I trusted Pastor Ross.And I wanted him too.We only succumbed to our desires twice, knowing how dangerous and forbidden it was.
The first time we were together was the first time I had a man’s cock in my mouth.
The second time he took my virginity.
And shortly after that, I took Kat’s.
My heart squeezes at the thought of her.I left Sleepy Hollow for her.I was so afraid that the magistrate would make an example of me to the entire town, not just telling my parents that I was a product of the devil but that Kat would find out too.I truly didn’t care what my parents thought of me; they already treated me like I was something they had to tolerate, as if I was thrown in their laps like a stray kitten they felt obliged to take care of.
But Kat…Kat was my everything.She still is.I didn’t know if she’d accept me if she learned I’d been with another man.It didn’t matter that Pastor Ross was twenty years older than me and I was only eighteen.There was no sparing me for being younger.I would be shamed.
Leaving her was the hardest thing I had ever done.I wanted to tell her the truth.I wanted to ask her to come with me.I should have.Sometimes I think about her alone in that house with her mother and it fills me with fear.The minute I know that the magistrate is dead, I’ll head back to Sleepy Hollow and I’ll rescue her, take her with me to some place far across the country where her mother can’t get her.
