So that’s what I do.
I rub the washcloth on the soap and then swirl it around his wound.He lets out sharp gasps of pain, his muscles straining, his teeth grinding together, but he lets me clean him.Not just the wound, but everywhere, from head to toe, exploring his body in a way that brings me back to a year prior, the lazy days we’d have in the bath in that Manhattan hotel room.
When he’s done, he steps out of the water and I wrap a towel around him and make him sit on the edge of the tub while I rub the herbs and oil onto his injury.Then I wrap him up with some gauze from behind the medicine cabinet, just in case.
“I think I hate you,” he whispers to me as I tuck the ends of the gauze over his shoulder.
I go still at that, a knife between my ribs.I swallow thickly and look him in the eye, our faces mere inches away.
“Well,” I say, giving him a faint smile, “at least you feel something for me.”
6
Kat
When dawn broke over the elm trees, turning the yellow leaves to gold, I woke up to find Crane’s room empty.He’d left me a note that said he and Brom survived the night and that they’d gone to check out the damage to the library.At least that’s what I thought it said—Crane’s poor penmanship still amuses me.
I didn’t think I’d sleep at all last night, but while they were in the bath I guess I fell into deep slumber.I didn’t even hear them come back in, I’m not sure where either of them rested—I feel bad if it was the floor—but I assume they didn’t sleep at all.
But even with a few hours of shut-eye, I still feel groggy.
I get up and slide open the window a crack, letting the cold morning air waft in with the sweet scent of overripe blackberries and the earthy smell of decaying leaves.Though the trees are glowing in shades of yellow, orange, and red, the morning sun is starting to fade already, obscured by a slow-moving fog.I standthere at the window and watch as it comes over the narrow finger of the dark lake, taking in the view from Crane’s room until the mist has covered everything in gray.
It feels like it was only yesterday that Crane and I attempted the ritual in the veil standing by the shore of that black lake.I have to wonder if it was my fault that the horseman went after Brom.I was lost in my thoughts, thinking about Brom in the void, trying to conjure him forward but instead what I conjured was the horseman.All this time, had the horseman been looking for Brom, unable to find him, until my energy led him to me, like a hound on the scent?
I hold that thought for a moment, watching as the mist obscures the dark water.If it hadn’t been for me, would Brom still be out there in New York or some other place, still on the run, still hunted?Would that have been better for him, to deal with that feeling his whole life, to never feel at peace or feel he could return home?Or is it better that he’s here now, albeit under the control of a murderous spirit?
I don’t have the answers.I just know that, selfishly, despite all he’s done and what he’s going through, I’m glad he’s here with me.I know Crane and I will fix him, will expel the evil from his body.It’s just a matter of when.There’s a ticking clock somewhere—I just don’t know what it’s counting down to.
I sigh, taking in the sight of Crane’s room.He doesn’t have a lot to peruse, just a big doctor’s-style bag filled with jars of potions and tinctures; a few more jars on a shelf along with what looks like a rat’s skull, a couple of crystals, a stack of tarot cards, and some freshly cut herbs; and a stack of books on the floor thatwere probably on the desk until they were knocked off.But even so, I feel like I’m glimpsing parts of him that he keeps private, like it’s a privilege to be here alone.
But I can’t spend all morning looking around, so I go into the bathroom and draw a bath.I’m able to heat the water again, but not as hot as last night, and when I’m done I feel drained.It’s like whatever energy has been built up inside me is now being rationed.
While in the tub I let my mind wander.There’s too much happening at once, and it feels good to just let my thoughts go where they want.I know I have to think about facing my mother today and what I’ll say to her.The questions I have about her involvement with using the Hessian to retrieve Brom, why she wants him to bed me on behalf of someone called Goruun.And I know that I’ll have to start picking up the pieces of what happened between Brom and me and how my feelings about him may have changed.
But my mind goes back to Crane.
It goes back to magic.
I believe the source of this newfound power is connected to him.And if not him in particular, connected to sex.Perhaps a ritual isn’t even needed for this exchange of energy.When I orgasm I can feel my body being filled with light, all that tension building up inside me finally releasing.But it doesn’t just shoot out from my core, instead I feel it in my toes and my fingertips, like the energy is expelled but some is bounced back inside me.
That’s the source of it all.
Sex.
I can’t help the tiny smile on my face.I’d been told that witches were sexual beings, but now I know the truth.Maybe it’s not the same for everyone—I have yet to make a real witch friend here and I’m not sure Paul would appreciate the conversation—but I suspect my coupling with another witch is what is creating this power.
Specifically, Crane.The fact that we can already exchange energy with each other, to a degree, must help.But is it more than just an orgasm, a biological drive, a need to release?Is there something more to it?Emotions?Deep feelings of attachment?
Is it love?
I sigh, sinking deeper into the tub, and this warm, tender spot forms inside me, akin to what I used to feel for Brom when I was younger.I just don’t know what it means.I could be falling in love with Crane.Is he falling in love with me?
Sometimes the way he looks at me tells me he is, when he stares openly at me in a way that’s more than just lust and desire, but some kind of hunger for my heart, my soul, for all of me.Then there’s the way he acts around me, the sweetness that often catches me off-guard and hits me right in the center of my bones.
But love seems impossible right now.He is still my teacher, I’m still his student, and that’s not even the biggest obstacle we’re facing.There’s my mother, hell-bent on making sure I marry Brom, and then there’s Brom himself.Once upon a time Crane told me that he would respect my past with him, but after what happened last night, I’m not sure that’s still the case.
And can I fall in love with Crane if I still love Brom?
