But I don’t want that.I don’t want to burn through this.
The reason I brought Kat here wasn’t just so I could relive what happened four years ago.
It was so that we could come full circle.
Because I don’t know what the future holds for me anymore.
But I fear this might be the only chance I’ll get to be with her like this.
I take in a deep breath and slow down, my muscles shaking.
“I did a bad thing four years ago,” I tell her, angling my hips to push into her even farther, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment.“At the time I thought the bad thing was what I had done with Pastor Ross.”I bring my mouth to her neck, kissing her, breathing her in.“I thought that was the biggest sin, so big that I was forced to leave town.But even though I came here that night thinking that I had done something awful, the worst thing was yet to follow.”
I slowly drag my cock out of her and lift my head, my hands going to either side of her face as she stares up at me with a mix of lust and wonder.“The worst thing I did was take your virginity and leave you.I shouldn’t have done either.And for that, I am deeply sorry.”
My hips roll back into her, my cock thrusting in to the hilt, and I groan as a breathless sound escapes from her lips.
“I don’t regret losing it to you,” she whispers, her neck arching.“I only wish you had stayed and told me the truth.But you will always be the man who first claimed me.That will never be taken away, Brom.It will always be you.”
Her words do something to me, like there’s a loose thread that’s finally pulled, finally unraveling the binds around me.
And I decide I can’t waste time at all.
I start fucking her faster, each thrust going deeper and deeper, and suddenly I’m fantasizing that Crane is here too.I want to come inside her and watch my seed trickle out of her legs, mixing with the blood, and then I want Crane to shove me aside and do the same.I want to see him fucking her just like this, coming hard so that our semen is mixing together inside the same woman.
Our woman.
When I’m gone, it’s Crane who will have to take care of her in my place.
She belongs to him as equally as she belongs to me.
“I’m coming,” I grunt, my eyes pinching shut.I slip my hand between her legs, rubbing her clit until she’s coming too, and the two of us fill the barn with our rapturous noise, our shaking breath, our shuddering bodies.
I empty into her, filling her with my seed, wishing that someday I could give her a baby for real, that I could become a father, that I would have that life with her that I was once promised.She doesn’t owe it to me, to marry me, to carry my children, but I still dream of it just the same, born out of love and lust, and not something outside our control.
Though perhaps love is always outside our control.
When I’m finally done, I stay inside her.I don’t pull out.I lie against her, careful not to crush her completely, and I stare at her face, taking in every detail.I see our youth and our history together: the smattering of faint freckles on her nose, what I used to call pollen dust, the faint scar on her chin that she got when we were trying to cross the creek and she slipped on a wet rock.The distinctive shape of her lips, the very lips I used to fantasize about kissing when we were merely the best of friends, and all of this was nothing more than a dream.
“I love you,” I tell her, and even though I’ve told her before, it burns inside me, a furnace that can’t be caged.“Don’t you ever forget that, Kat.Iloveyou and I always have.I always will.”
I watch as her eyes grow wet, and she reaches up to touch my cheek.
“I love you too, Brom,” she whispers, giving me a mournful smile as her words pierce my heart.“I always have and I always will.”
Something inside me breaks.That thread doesn’t just come loose, itsnaps.
And I can’t help the tears that spill from my eyes and onto her cheeks.
“Daffy,” I murmur, shaking with emotion, and I kiss the tears off her, hers and mine.“Please know, please know that no matter what happens, no matter what happens to me, I am choosing you.I am choosing this.Us.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you, Brom,” she says.“I promise.We’re going to help you.Crane and I.We have the full moon ritual coming up, and it will work.Itwillwork.You can’t give up hope yet.We won’t let you.”
But I haven’t given up hope.I know the day is coming soon when I’ll have to make a choice, a sacrifice, in order to save them.I also know if I voice this to her, she and Crane will do everything they can to stop me.
So I keep that inside.
“You know Crane really loves you,” she says after a moment, her fingers trailing over my drying tears.
