I looked down, finding a tiny fleck of dried something on the counter and picking at it like my life depended on it. “He knew what he did.”
“Did he?” Allie asked quietly. “Or did he know you walked away pissed and never spoke to him again?”
My jaw clenched. “Same thing.”
“Those are not the same thing,” Meghan said.
I wanted to argue. I really did. But the memory that rose up wasn’t actually of the Incident itself—it was of the next day. Him catching my eye at my locker, starting to say something, me pivoting on my heel and walking away so hard and so fast my shoulder slammed into a locker. I hadn’t given him a chance then. Not even a little one.
“And now,” Pepper said, softer still, “he’s pulled you out of a burning truck. He’s helping rebuild your entire business. He’s standing in barns and kitchens with you and actually showing up. That has to count for something.”
“It does,” I whispered. “That’s the problem.”
The oven timer beeped, making all of us jump. Meghan slid off the stool to pull the tray of nachos out, the kitchen briefly filling with the scent of melted cheese and toasted chips. It was so stupidly comforting my eyes stung.
“So what’s actually scaring you right now?” she asked as she set the pan down and started scattering jalapeños and salsa on top. “That you want him? Or that you might have been wrong about him?”
“Both.” The word scraped its way out of my chest. “If I was wrong, then I spent ten years hating someone who didn’t deserve it. I built this whole story about myself—about being the girl who doesn’t take crap, who knows when someone shows you who they are—and what if I misread it? What does that make me? What else have I misjudged?”
Allie’s expression softened. “It makes you human. And under extreme stress. You were seventeen, not a fully formed oracle of truth.”
“And if you weren’t wrong?” Pepper added. “If he really was a jerk back then, if he did exactly what you think he did on purpose? Then you get to tell him that now, as the woman you are, and see how he handles it. But either way, you living in limbo helps exactly no one.”
Meghan set a plate in front of me before leaning her elbows on the counter, meeting my gaze head-on. “You can’t build anything here—friendship, forgiveness, romance, whatever this wants to be—on a story you’ve never checked with the other character.”
My teeth caught my bottom lip. “What if I ask and he acts like it was nothing? Like I’m overreacting?”
“Then,” Allie said, “you’ll know that, too. And you can decide if that’s a man you want kissing you in kitchens.”
Pepper nudged the plate closer. “Eat. Then text him. Or call him. Or corner him at the barn. You don’t have to get all the answers tonight, but you need to start.”
I picked up a chip more to have something to do with my hands than out of any real hunger. Cheese stretched in a long string before snapping. I stared at it like it might contain wisdom.
“I have no idea how to open that conversation,” I admitted. “What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, remember that thing from ten years ago that I never mentioned and have quietly resented you for ever since?’”
“Yes,” Meghan said simply. “Exactly that. Maybe with fewer daggers in your tone. But honesty is the only way this doesn’t eat you alive.”
“And if he shuts down?” I asked.
“Then you’ve learned something important about who he is now,” Allie said. “Not who he was then. Right now, all you’ve got is a half-finished picture—teenage hurt on one side, grown-up actions on the other, and nothing in between.”
I took a bite of nacho, mostly so I didn’t have to answer right away. The heat of the jalapeño hit the back of my throat; the crunch gave me something to focus on that wasn’t my own spiraling thoughts. The food grounded me enough that when I swallowed, the next breath didn’t hurt quite as much.
“Do you think I’m being ridiculous?” I asked, voice small.
“Not even a little,” Meghan said. “You’re doing what people do when old wounds meet new possibilities. You’re panicking.”
Pepper’s mouth curved. “If you weren’t freaking out at least a little, that would be suspicious.”
Allie smiled gently. “We just don’t want you to let fear decide for you. That’s all.”
I set the chip down and wiped my fingers on a napkin, suddenly feeling very, very tired.
“Okay.” Why did the word seem like stepping up to the edge of a diving board? “I’ll talk to him. I don’t know when, and I definitely don’t know how, but… I’ll do it.”
Pepper held up her glass of sparkling water. “That’s all we’re asking. Clarity as a Christmas present.”
Meghan clinked her own glass against it. “To asking the hard questions.”
