And in this moment, he looks so small.
Nothing like the father I once knew, full of life. Ever so capable and a fierce defender of his family.
Leaning on the door, I purse my lips together as a hot tear tracks down my face and drips from my jaw. This is hurting him as much as it is me.
This lousy, shitty disease.
The aggression that took hold of him tonight makes the memory loss feel like a walk in the park. That is easily navigated. This? This is layers of emotions that I don’t have the first clue how to deal with.
Finally, one paramedic notices me in the doorway and waves me in.
I pad to the sofa and stop in front of Dad. “Hank?”
His face cracks on a breathy sob. “I’m so sorry, Celeste.”
Clarity.
Fleeting, blissful, damn painful clarity.
“Yeah, Daddy, I know. It’s okay.”
“No, no it’s not. I—” He grinds his jaw shut, hands wringing in his lap.
“We’ve offered Hank a bed tonight to give you a short respite, and he’s agreed.”
“But won’t that, you know, confuse him even more?” I glance at my father who still looks like he’s with us in mind if not in spirit.
“Maybe, but we are responsible for the wellbeing of you both. And our senior medic thinks it’s a good call.”
“No. I feel like I’m sending him away for making a mistake.”
My father doesn’t say anything, but I can see in his eyes that he is already turning in on himself.
“He’ll be fine here. This is his home. We’ll be fine.”
“Are you absolutely sure?”
“I am.”
She stands and hands me a card. “If you change your mind, any unit can come at any time for transport to respite.”
She gives me the wide-eyed look people do when they want to make sure you’re paying attention.
“Okay, thank you.”
“Do you have someone who can stay with you two?” She glances behind me.
I look over my shoulder to find Quin leaning on the same frame I just was.
“I live next door. I can be here if she needs me.” He steps into the room.
“Good.” The paramedic’s focus is back on me. “Make sure you take him up on his offer.”
I simply nod, and the paramedics gather their bags and equipment before walking out the front door.
“I’ll make you a cup of tea and get your medication, Hank.”
He stares straight ahead, not responding.
