I can’t even remember the last time I was here. Maybe when I was dating Chris and we came to visit Cade?
Over a decade ago.
The path leads past the main house and ends at the rear of Sawyer’s truck parked in front of a big shop.
His boot prints go inside, but don’t come out.
Taking a deep breath, I follow the trail where it leads me, locking the door when I go inside.
Low music is interrupted by a metallic bang, then I hear him mutter so low I can’t understand the words.
It’s warmer in here than I expected. Leaning against the bumper of a massive tractor, I try to put as much nonchalance into my tone as possible. “My mom said you stopped by.”
Sawyer jerks, whipping around with wide eyes. “Val,” he exhales, dropping whatever piece of steel he was working with. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
Moving closer, it’s hard to pace my breathing.
Just being near him makes my heart race and heat pour through my limbs.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” Shedding my jacket, I drape it over the end of a tool bench.
That damn pouty lip pokes out. “I’m just making it easier.” He drops his head, hiding his face behind the bill of his cap.
“On who?” I can’t resist stepping into his space and tilting up his chin. “We use our words, remember?”
His blue eyes cloud before he jerks his jaw out of my palm. “Oh, I heard your words, Val. Loud and clear,” he mutters, picking up the chunk of metal from the concrete.
“Then you didn’t pay attention to all those times I told you how much I wanted you. You didn’t hear me tell Eli I was withyou, even after you left.” Reaching down, I cup his trembling chin again to raise his gaze, but slowly stroke his cheek with my thumb.
Tears rim his lower lids as he pulls away. “What the hell was I supposed to think, huh? You keep me at a distance, don’t want to talk to me or go out. Then take up a date with some random guy?” His Adam’s apple bobs with a hard swallow. “I’d rather not be just a fuck.”
Standing quickly, he strides away to busy himself with something at another table.
“What do you want?” I’m torn between pressing him and giving him space.
“It doesn’t matter,” he mumbles to the wall.
I stare at his shoulders hunching over while he grips the edges of the wooden top.
A shudder works through him, sending a dart of pain into my chest.
“But it does,” I say quietly. “Do you want to know why I held you back?” I want to touch him so badly my fingers linger in the air.
He raises his face to the ceiling. “Why?” Agony tinges his voice.
“To protect myself. So I wouldn’t be the one falling for you. Because you deserve so much more than me.” It hurts to admit the truth, even to myself. “So it was easy to say ‘okay’ to dinner with Eli. He was safe.”
Sawyer turns to glance at me. “And I’m not?”
Leaning against the table, I cross my arms over my belly and let my focus wander until it settles on a discarded pile of halters and bridles.
“Have you ever been bucked off a horse?” I finally ask.
“Yea. It sucks.” He shifts a little more in my direction.
That’s an encouraging sign.
“After it happened, did it make you anxious even climbing onto a different one?” I pick up one of the leather straps idly, watching him carefully.
