Sophia’s cheeks turn a bright shade of purple. “Time? She’s known you forever and should realize you’re like freakin’ Superman with how much of a rule follower you are.”
“Yea, well, it doesn’t matter,” I mutter, draping my arm over my eyes.
I just want to crawl into a hole.
“She used you,” Sophia whispers, then pats on my elbow. “What a bitch.”
“It’s probably for the better. She doesn’t want the same thing I do.” In fact,Ididn’t realize what I wanted until I heard the words uttered.
A home.
Kids.
A ring.
“What, a video game partner?” Sophia snorts, sitting back in her creaking chair. “I’m sure that’s what she was thinking.”
“You know Dad was our age when he had us? He was already married and had this place.” My hand sweeps out blindly in a vague arc. “He promised us each a house on the ranch when we’re ready.”
“Yea, I’ve got my spot picked out.” Her lips purse as her eyes unfocus. “Cash almost ruined it. But it overlooks the gulch and the foothills of the Bitteroots.” She takes a long inhale and lets it out. “One day we’ll have our own families.”
Now it’s my turn to scoff. I roll to my side to get a better look at her. “I thought you were never doing that?”
“I didn’t say ‘never’. I just haven’t met the right guy. But all those romance books give me big dreams.” Her smirk tells me I better not ask her to elaborate.
“Well, I want it. I thought with Val.” I sit up with a groan and let my head fall into my palms. “Fuck, I think I love her, Soph. This sucks.”
“Hmm.” Her finger taps against her chin. “Did she dump you? Like, tell you that you’re over?”
“No. But some fancy looking dude came in who she knew and asked her to dinner. She said‘yes’, Soph. Yes! Don’t you see?”My fingers knot in my hair, shoving my hat off onto the dusty floor. “She won’t let me even text her during the week.” I feel like I’m suffocating.
“Did you talk to her?” Sophia asks quietly as she picks up my baseball cap.
“How could I? It was everything I could do to get the hell out of there without bustin’ down crying.” Forcing the heels of my palms into my eyes, it doesn’t help to stop the tears that start to seep down my cheeks.
Then the brim of my own hat smacks across my shoulder. “You’re an idiot, Sawyer. You should have stayed and talked to her. Ask her why? Maybe that guy was her cousin? Even if he was an old fling, you were the one in her bed, right?”
Her nose wrinkles. “You know what, please don’t answer that last question.”
I sniffle back my running nose. “I don’t want to just be a fuck. But I got no claim on her, she made that shit very clear from the beginning.”
“Ugh.” Sophia throws herself against the back of her rocking chair sending it tipping precariously away. “So then you’re the one who screwed up and got the feels?”
I can feel myself wilt under the truth. “Yea. I guess so.”
Sophia’s toes press into the floor to keep the idle rhythm of her chair’s momentum as she stares at me, the corner of her mouth drooping into a frown.
“I’m sorry, Sawyer. But I think that’s what you were,” she says quietly. “It sounds like she was honest with you.”
An invisible sledge hammer drives into my heart, crushing it with the weight of her words.
“I hate this.” It hurts so damn bad. “I didn’t actually think she’d just walk away.” My throat aches from fighting down the sobs.
My sister stands, wrapping her arms around my head to hug me against her. “You’ll find someone, someday. They’ll love you back just as hard.” She tilts away, a smile tugging up her cheek. “The good part though? You know how to make those freakin’ amazing mozzarella sticks.”
“Yea.” I slump against the stiff seat, looking up at the ceiling. “Dad will be happy. I’ll be here to do more chores.”
“I won’t tell him if you don’t. Take the weekends off anyways. Go up to Missoula and visit Scotty. Maybe he can introduce you to some of the girls on campus?” Sophia shrugs into her coat. “I’m supposed to help Grandma with dinner tonight. Are you okay?” She blinks at me with her big blue eyes.
