But I’m just not ready for a relationship.
It’s getting harder to keep that distance though.
Giving over my heart means losing control of it.
I swore I’d never do that again, not after Chris.
The betrayal was too agonizing.
I know Chris and Sawyer aren’t the same person.
Yet the pain would be just as real.
Sawyer is too young for me. It would never work long-term.
Even though the thought of waking up every morning next to him, curling up on his lap with my coffee, and planning our day together sounds very appealing.
It’s a pipe dream, more suitable for a younger woman than me.
He deserves to have someone who can be open with him. Trust him.
I’m not that person.
I just have to be the toxic bitch addicted to his dick.
The best thing I can do is keep emotions out of it. If I let myself fall for him, it will be so much worse when we split.
Because pretending that I could ever be a part of his future is a delusion. He’d never be happy here at this dingy-ass bar for the rest of his life.
An icy breeze pushes through as the bell over the door announces his arrival.
“Well, if it isn’t my knight in shining…Carhartts.” I smile up at him from my seat.
“I got here as quick as I could, but had to clean out my truck and toss in some tools.” The corner of his mouth rises with his eyebrows.
Then his nose wrinkles when I try to step closer. “I’ve been shoveling shit. I probably stink something awful.”
I don’t know why he worries about that so much. It wouldn’t bother me, but I shrug.
“This is a nice little break then?” Grabbing my keys, I lead him outside into the frigid air.
“My highlight to a crappy day,” he chuckles from behind me.
He stands in front of my car, his palm resting on the hood. “Go ahead and pop it open. Then try to start it for me.”
His cheeks are flushed from the cold as he fumbles for the latch.
When he raises the top, all I can see are his fingers.
“Okay, crank it,” he yells.
The engine doesn’t try to turn over, it only has the same clicking I heard earlier.
He steps where I can see him. “Let me pull my truck over. It sure does seem like the battery.”
I’m not sure if I should roll my eyes or bat them.
Opting for neither, I sit back and wait as he idles his Toyota closer.
