I’m so close to getting this.
“Okay. I’m sorry.” When I pull open the drawer with the plastic bags, I leave more white marks on the handle.
Fuck. It’s gonna take me forever to wipe all of this down.
“Thank you.” He pulls his buzzing phone out of his pocket and frowns. “I gotta take this.” He presses it to his ear, aiming for the front. “Go ahead, Ford.”
The slam of the door signals his departure, hurrying me to stuff the dough into the baggy.
I don’t really know why I’m even trying. I’m gonna be stuck here doing chores and tasks forever.
There’s always hay, or shit, or herding that needs to be taken care of. It never ends.
Sophia asked if I could check her mare’s shoes before the next event she’s going to. Lori asked if I could bring a load of old crap from the compost pile for her garden.
Even Uncle Dixon has me cleaning horse stalls now that he has the twins.
Maybe I should just volunteer to go sit in the cabin this winter. I found some solar panels on sale, they should be enough to run my laptop and satellite internet.
It’d get me out of shoveling poop all the time.
There’s only one counter still messy when Lori comes in, a baby on each hip.
“Hey, Sawyer. Whatcha making?” She glances at me as I’m furiously scrubbing, then she sets Jack into the playpen in the living room.
“Was trying to make some pizza dough,” I say quietly. It feels dumb now to admit it.
“That sounds amazing.” Her smile is broad and genuine.
I’ve always liked her. She’s been nothing but kind to me, even if it took me a while to wrap my head around her and my dad being together.
“Thanks.” Heat moves up my throat while I rinse off the sponge one last time.
She moves into the kitchen with Ben nestled into the crook of her arm and pulls a mug from the cabinet. “Can I ask what the inspiration is to try?” After dropping in a tea bag, she shifts to the sink and runs the water to get it hot.
My shoulders rise and fall as I toss the bagged experiment into the fridge. “I dunno. I guess I should know if I’m ever on my own.”
Her palm flattens on the counter and she brushes her long braid of hair away from the baby as she turns to me. “Sawyer? What’s going on? Are you leaving?”
Well, shit.
“Um, no. It’s just, like I think, um. No.” I don’t know what to say. “I ain’t gonna ranch forever,” I blurt out.
Her smile is soft as she touches my arm gently. “Oh, I’ve known that since I met you. Let me know if you need any help, I’m happy to share what little I know.”
“I just wanna figure out pizza for now, but thanks.” I’m not sure if I’m ready to admit I might want to find a job away from here.
Is it wrong that I don’t want to fall in line with what Dad does?
Kicking rocks on the way out to the tractor doesn’t clear my doubts.
This ain’t so bad. I don’t have to sit at a desk all day.
Climbing up into the stuffy cab, dust flies when I plop onto the worn seat.
Nope, not in an office. But I am gonna be stuck in here for hours.
Is that any different?
