I try to type something stable.
Me:
We are ok.
Delete.
Me:
She is fine.
Delete.
Me:
I am not fine.
Delete.
Me:
I miss her already.
.
Before I can lie again, the phone rings.
Deacon.
I answer, because pretending is not an option.
He hears it in my breathing immediately. “Claudia. Hey. Breathe.”
I press a hand to my chest like that might hold me together. “I’m trying.”
“You handed her to someone who’s had a more thorough background check than any person in the entire country. Marlene travels with Dean and his family during the off-season,” he says, voice steady and warm. “That is the hardest thing you will do today. Maybe the hardest thing you have done since she was born. And you did it.”
A tear hits the counter.
He continues, quiet but firm. “You are not weak for feeling this. You’re a mother. And Claudia, you’re a really fucking amazing one.”
I close my eyes and let his words sink in.
“She’s okay,” he says. “She’s safe. If she gets hungry, they text you. You can be proud of yourself for giving her a life where she gets that kind of care.”
A shaky breath escapes me. “I hate that it hurts.”
“It hurts because you love her, right? And the fact that you walked in there anyway tells me everything I’ll ever need to know about the kind of parent you are.”
I wipe my eyes.
“You got this,” he says softly. “Take your time. Fix your face. Breathe. Walk into your first day knowing I respect the hell out of you for doing what you just did.”
My throat catches.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Always,” he says. “Call me if you need anything.”
