Grumbling to himself, he got up and staggered to the hallway.He’d been sitting for so long his muscles had frozen up.He flicked the light on, grimacing at the brightness.
God, he was a mess, and he was about to let his mother into his house.
“What do you want?”he said after opening the door.
“Oh, honey, what’s happened?”Her hand came up to stroke his cheek, but he stepped away.
“I’m fine,” he gritted out.
“May I come in?”she asked after a few beats of silence had passed between them.
It was on the tip of his tongue to say no, but he stepped to the side and the unmistakable smell of Chanel No.5 wafted past him.He always thought it smelled like sour flowers.
Zach scanned the area quickly to see if perhaps this was a setup and there were cameras pointed at his front door, but he couldn’t see anything.There wasn’t even a car, so he had no idea how his mother had gotten to his place.But if he had to call her a taxi to take her back to Bozeman, then he would.
His mother stood by the tree, now lit.“Why did you turn the lights on?”he asked.
“Because a Christmas tree should always be lit,” she said.
“Right.”He crossed his arms and stared her down.“What do you want?”
“I came to see you.”
“How did you find me?”
Kathryn looked away as if ashamed.What had she done?“After our last call, I hired a private investigator.”
“You what!”He was a thirty-year-old male, not a runaway child.
“I’m not sorry, Zachary.I miss you.I was worried about you.You went through something traumatic.I needed to know you were okay, and you weren’t communicating with me.”
“Oh, please, you don’t have an audience watching.You can drop the concerned parent act.It’s not going to get you any ratings.”
Anger at himself for how he treated Tilly.His mom.Life.Everything ate at him, and he took a couple of deep breaths.
“I know you won’t believe me, because I know I’ve never given you a reason to, but I’m sorry.Sorry for what I did after the fire.”
Silence fell between them.His mother was saying ‘sorry.’What was going on here?She never apologized for what she did.She’d told him once that saying sorry didn’t get you anywhere in Hollywood.
“Is that supposed to make everything better?You expect me to forgive you for making it all about you and not the victims.You knew I never wanted it to be about me.I wanted it to be about being fire aware.Knowing the signs and listening to the news.I wanted it to be about what to do when caught in a bad situation.I wanted it to be about my team.What we do.I wanted it to be about the victims and how they survived the trauma.What I never wanted it to be—was about you.”
Zach turned away, his chest heaving.
“Zachary,” she said, his name a whisper, and with his back to her, he couldn’t tell if it was as sincere as it sounded.“You’re right.You did say all those things and I ignored them.I could’ve done some good with my platform, and I will.”
He faced her again, trying to determine if he could trust his mom, a person he should be able to trust without question.“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
His mom smiled sadly.“I deserve that and more.I’ve done everything wrong.I stopped being your mom and became a person I swore I would never be.I got caught up in the fame and forgot the reason my show was a success was that I cared about my guests.I should’ve cared about you.I should’ve cared about those people whose lives were almost taken.And I should’ve advocated for my son’s honorable occupation.Given it the spotlight it deserved.”
Zach rubbed at his chest, as if her words were burrowing deep into him to heal some of his hurt.
“I don’t want to be about sensationalism anymore.I don’t want to generate clickbait headlines.I want to go back to being a host who cares about her guests.A host who wants to help them.To use my stage for good and raising awareness for causes that get forgotten or ignored.”
Even in the dim light from the Christmas tree, he saw something in her eyes that he hadn’t seen before.Humility.Sorrow.And self-deprecation.
“I want to believe this,” he blurted out.“I want to believe you mean what you say, I really do, but I find it hard.I don’t believe your network will allow you to change things.Actions speak louder than words.”
“When you’re the number one talk show host in the country and have been syndicated worldwide, you tend to have a bit of influence over the direction of your show and the people involved in it.”There was a hint of pride in her voice, and even he could acknowledge she deserved to feel that way.“The network knows that my original format is popular.It’s what got me to where I was before it all changed.I’m having more of a say again, and after the winter break, the show will be going in a new direction.”
