So, closing my eyes, deafening my ears, and pushing back all my other senses, I reached deep inside my soul for the key to winning this.I searched my heart for the gateway that needed to be closed because that was the answer; that was the answer to everything.They wanted to possess the gateway, and there was only one way to make sure that they never got what they’d come here for.
When I opened my eyes, I was no longer being held hostage by evil.I was also no longer in the thick of a massive battle for humanity.Instead, I was standing before an altar, angels on one side, demons on the other.My steady breathing was the only thing that could be heard, and that was significant somehow.Maybe it was because I was the only thing that was alive here, but whatever the reason, it mattered that I was human right now.
Then it hit me.
As long as I was alive, the gateway would always be open, so there was only one way to make sure that it was closed for good.While suicide was a sin, I wasn’t sure if this fell under that category.Yes, suicide was the ultimate betrayal of what God had bestowed upon us, but this wouldn’t be suicide.
It’d be a sacrifice.
Suddenly, I felt like Abraham when God had instructed him to deliver Isaac as the ultimate test of his faith.His belief in God had demanded that he obey, and in the end, God’s test for Abraham had been met with success, Abraham sacrificing a ram instead.
Tears sprang to my eyes as the full picture finally emerged before me.Lazarus and the others hadn’t been sent to protect me as Ramiel had suggested.They’d been sent to protect this moment.They’d been sent to keep me safe, so that I could reach this conclusion on my own.The demons had also rendered me immobile because they’d known that I would fight, possibly getting myself killed, possibly damaging my soul in the process.The demons had been protecting me, too.
I stepped to the altar, and that’s when I saw a rather large dagger sitting atop.It glowed a little, making it appear fake, but I knew better.I also understood why Ramiel had kept this information to himself.Had he told me the truth about how I was destined to save humanity, I might have balked, and even if I’d hadn’t, Lazarus never would have been onboard for something like this.While Lazarus was coming around, until recently, he hadn’t been a true believer.At least, not in the way that God had needed him to be for this moment.
Everything around me was deathly still as I reached for the dagger, and as soon as my hand touched the handle, white smoke rose from my fingers, and the burning sensation was enough to make me cry out.This wasn’t going to be painless, though I had no reason why I had believed that it would.Maybe because everything still felt a bit surreal, I wasn’t sure.All I knew was that I’d never felt more human than I did in this moment.
I was fragile.
I was weak.
I was flawed.
I was undeserving.
In Matthew 5:3-11, he gave nine proclamations, and out of those nine, there were two that I felt to my bones as the dagger burned my skin.His fourth proclamation was blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth, and his sixth proclamation was blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.Right now, being humbled the way that I was, I understood now why the meek were going to inherit the earth, and it made sense why they would.
However, while I hadn’t seen God yet, I’d heard Him twice already, and so that could only mean one thing.For whatever reason, God saw my heart as pure, and tears streamed down my face because I was unworthy of such a gift.In fact, we all were.No human on this earth deserved what had been promised, and it was up to me to show God that we could still be redeemed.
The scent of burning flesh hit my nose as my fingers curled around the handle of the dagger, but I couldn’t see, think, or feel beyond my purpose here.All I could feel was God seeing inside my heart, hoping that I didn’t let Him down like so many others, and the tears came harder.
This was also beyond receiving the Holy Spirit during prayer.This wasn’t like being born again, all of your sins washed away.This was a love unlike any human could handle, and now I understood why He wanted this from uswillingly.
With the dagger in my hand, I stepped back from the altar, good and evil waiting on either side of me with bated breath.Hell wanted me to save myself, and Heaven wanted me to save everyone else, and God wanted me to do both.God wanted me to pierce this dagger through my heart, trusting that He’d be with me as I did.
Ignoring both sides, I wrapped my left hand around my right one, holding the dagger as tightly as I could, and I briefly wondered what would happen if I missed my heart.Granted, I knew that I wouldn’t, but the thought still crossed my mind, exposing all my flaws.
In the deathly silence of wherever this place was, my heart began to drum painfully in my chest, almost as if guiding me.Blood also began to rush through my ears, my human body’s biological functions reminding me that this was real, and not some incredible dream or horrible nightmare.
With my last thought being of Lazarus, I plunged the dagger into my chest, hitting my heart like a perfectly choreographed dance, the burning sensation blooming into a raging fire throughout my bloodstream, the pain unlike anything that I’d ever felt before.
I immediately fell to the ground, but it made no sense that I wasn’t dead yet.A shot to the heart or head was supposed to mean instant death, but that’s not what was happening.Instead, my body was convulsing, blood splattering all around me as I tried to breathe, the burning making it impossible.
Then, nothing.
