He clamped his mouth shut and leaned back against the other counter, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to sell.”
Even though it was her plan, deep down she didn’t want to either. Hot, sweaty memories of the night they moved in flooded her mind unexpectedly and she turned to the sink so he wouldn’t see the pink of her cheeks or the bright tears in her eyes.
“Where would you move?”
Pine Harbour didn’t have many rental options. Rafe lived in the only apartment building. There were two units above his mother’s cafe but that was obviously out of the question, and any house would be out of her price range.
He figured out her plan just as she opened her mouth to confess, and from the sound of his voice at her back, he was pissed. “You’re leaving.”
“It’s for the best,” she whispered. She couldn’t hang around to see him move on, and it didn’t matter that he’d almost kissed her.Twice, both times acting like you were an oasis in the middle of a freakin’ desert. Didn’t matter, she reminded herself, because they’d scorched enough earth in their divorce that really getting back together wasn’t going to happen. If they kissed, and oh god did she want that more than her next breath, they’d tumble into bed. And on the other side of a torrid love affair with her ex-husband stood her ex-mother-in-law, ready to brand her as a hussy and drive her out of town.
She wouldn’t be pushed. If she left, it would be with her head held high. Rafe needed to not kiss her, end of story, and the only way that was going to happen was if she put some significant geographical distance between them. She cleared her throat and raised her voice enough to claim bravery, however false it might be. “I moved here to be with you. We’re not together anymore. It was a mistake to stay after the divorce.”
“You have friends here,” he rasped, and she wanted to turn and look at him. Wanted to soak up the hungry, needy look she imagined was scrawled across his face and pretend it was enough to pull them back together.
But it hadn’t been enough to keep them together in the first place. Nothing had changed on that count. Rafe wanted her if it was easy. He wasn’t willing to fight to keep her as his wife. She deserved more than that. For the umpteenth time, she promised herself that being alone was better than being lonely inside a marriage.“No, Rafe. I haveyouhere. And I don’t honestly see how we can be friends. Not really. Not when we can’t openly date other people in front of each other.”
“Is that what this is about?” His jaw clenched and his dark eyes grew even darker.
“Of course it is!” She shook her head. “The other morning, that was torture for me.”
“I told you that nothing happened.”
“Really? Because that’s not what Matt Foster says.”
He frowned. “What did Matt…when did he…”
“At the diner yesterday. He came in for lunch with Sean. He didn’t tell me, exactly, but it’s a small place and he wasn’t quiet.” Damnit, she didn’t want to cry. She blinked furiously and bit the inside of her cheek to keep the tears at bay. “You kissed her. She sat in your lap for hours and you touched her and kissed her.”
He stared at her for a minute, his face twisted in unexpected anger. “So it’s okay for you to want to see other people but not me. Not after two years.”
She lost her fight against the storm. “It should be okay,” she sobbed. “It needs to be okay. And yet…it’s totally not.”
Her shoulders shook with emotion as she sucked in giant breaths, desperate to stop crying. She bowed her head and vaguely noticed Rafe move behind her and turn off the heat on the stove. He gently steered her by her shoulders, his big hands warm and comforting, to the couch. “Here,” he said gruffly, pushing her to sit before joining her and tugging her to lean back against his body. The afghan from the end of the couch ended up around them both as she pressed her face into his stiff shoulder. She fit perfectly there, moulded to his side.
“Liv,” he rasped her name quietly, his lips brushing her forehead. This clearly wasn’t what he’d planned—for tonight or for their lives. “What are we going to do?”
“I’m going to move.” It was the only possible solution, even if it hurt to think about leaving him behind for good.
“I don’t want you to go.” He sighed. “I know that’s selfish. I can’t imagine you not in my life.”
Regret for all that could have been sat like a lead blanket on her chest, and she sighed. They couldn’t live in the past. “This can’t be what you want, though.”
— —
How could he answer that? What he wanted was Liv and this house and a bunch of kids. No grief for working two jobs. He’d tried once to suggest that if they had kids, she wouldn’t be so lonely. That had been an epic fight, one he’d never be stupid enough to start again.
“What do you want?” That was really all that mattered at the end of the day. His displeasure was a secondary concern to her being happy.
“Options, I guess. Right now I feel trapped here.” She’d said that before—that she’d felt trapped in their marriage. She’d wanted him to put in for a transfer to somewhere with more job opportunities for her, and he’d dragged his feet. He’d been damn lucky to get hired into the community he was raised in. Only an idiot would give that up.
Instead, he’d been the idiot who’d given up his wife. Had he known that was the choice he was making at the time, Rafe wanted to believe he’d have chosen differently. But in his heart of hearts, he couldn’t say for sure.
“What about going back to school for something?” If they sold the house, there’d be enough money for her to live on for a year or two. He didn’t want any of it.
She shook her head. “That doesn’t appeal to me anymore.” Her voice drifted up at him, a wistful, doubting slip of sound that got under his skin.
“You could do anything you want now.” His chest felt like it was cracking open and his eyes were hot and itchy. This felt like breaking up all over again. “Nothing’s holding you back.”I’m not holding you back.
