One of the first things he’d done when they came back from London was dig through Liv’s jewelry box. He didn’t want to give her a different ring. When he held that band he chose at a mall store six years ago, he was reminded of all the hope that younger man had had for the future. He didn’t want to give up on those dreams. But he also wanted to mark this renewed commitment to their relationship—a stronger, more understanding, more patient commitment. One that would never end.
He’d slid her engagement and wedding band set to Dani the next day with a pencil sketch of what he wanted. She’d driven to the jewellers in Owen Sound that same day. They’d called yesterday to confirm the rings were ready for pick-up, but he couldn’t very well ask Olivia to stop there with him.
He gave his sister a sheepish grin as he climbed the front stairs. She glowered at him. “It’s a good thing I love Olivia.” It had only been a bit out of her way since she’d had an early shift today and was already in Wiarton when he called, but still…he’d been relying on all of them for a lot this past month.
“Much appreciated, and I’ll happily return the favour some day.”
“If I have to send you to pick up my engagement ring at some point, I don’t want it.” She handed over a square velvet box. “Here.”
He flipped the box open. He already knew what they looked like, the jeweller had sent him a couple of photos via email, but seeing the delicate infinity band wrap around her engagement ring, the opposite side to her original wedding band…it was better than he imagined. “Shit. They’re…perfect.”
“You going to wait for Christmas?”
He shook his head. “That was the plan. But I think I’m going to do it tonight.” And then he was going to make love to his wife, even if it crippled him tomorrow.
A shadow crossed his sister’s face, and he tipped his head to the side. “You think that’s a mistake?”
“No. No! Ignore me, I’m just grumpy about being single for yet another holiday.” Rafe winced and Dani was halfway to punching him in the arm before she pulled her hand back. “Sorry, usual reaction to stupid brothers being stupid.”
“Come on, I don’t want to think of you being violated by a dirty boy, I can’t help it.”
“Oh yeah? And what are you going to do to Olivia if she says yes?”
Violate the heck out of her. Probably best to move on. “What do you meanif?”
“Seriously, I’m the wrong person to talk to about this. Let’s go inside where it’s not flippin’ freezing.”
“Not a word to Ma.”
He made it through an hour of coffee and cookies before he realized he needed a nap if he was going to make it through a special night.Damn. There was no pretending inside his head that he wasfine. Lots of bargaining with a higher power, though. That desperation was an unpleasant feeling that he’d be happy to soon be rid of.
As if his ears were burning, Dean chose that moment to call and Rafe excused himself with a quick kiss on his mother’s cheek.
“Hey man, what’s up?” He took the steps down the front of the house carefully. Speed—or lack thereof—made all the difference. Gravity was a fucking bitch.
“Listen, sunshine, you need to keep your appointments with the shrink.”
“I only missed one.”
“All of them. You need to go to all of them, or you can’t come back to work.”
I’m not ready. He could admit it to himself, even if he didn’t want to tell anyone else—not Dean, and definitely not a doctor he didn’t know and couldn’t trust. His career hung in the balance. “I’m on sick leave until February. There are plenty of appointments that Iwillkeep between now and then.”
Dean made a doubtful noise, then changed the subject, although that didn’t make the conversation any easier. “Ryan’s taken a leave of absence from work.”
“Yeah, he told me.” They’d had one awkward-as-fuck conversation at the funeral, and another equally painful talk two days ago while Olivia took the Howard kids tobogganing in their yard. Rafe didn’t share any more—didn’t tell Dean about the tears, his or Ryan’s. Dean might have been there when Lynn died, but it wasn’t the same. “It’s a good move.”
“I’m worried about him.”
“You know what? He’s worried about himself, too. And that’s a good thing. Listen, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
He clicked out of the call before Dean could interject. That wasn’t what he wanted to focus on.
It mattered. It really did. But he wouldn’t let the tragedy consume him.
Besides, he still needed that fucking nap.
Olivia was still reading away at the computer when he returned. He kissed her, long and deep, the type of kiss that he’d promised her daily and that had been missing over the last few weeks. Then he took two pills and put his head down.
