Loyalty was everything. The question was where her loyalty ought to lie.
To her king? To Princess Mechtilda? To her brothers? To the promise she’d made her father? Or to the family she suspected was still on the pier, watching the big Balcovian royal ship sail away?
A drop of rain slid down her face. Kuni had followed her dreams and achieved them, only to discover they weren’t her dreams anymore. They belonged to someone else. Someone she used to be, but no longer was.
She touched the blank space beneath her spencer where her father’s epaulet used to be. The distinctive emblem was a symbol, not the goal. Being heroic meant helping those who needed you.
When Father had told Kuni he would support her fight to become a guardswoman after the war, perhaps he didn’t mean that the Royal Guard was the only place she would belong. Perhaps he had simply meant for her tofind her place.
She didn’t need a uniform to be important. The Goodnights had taught her that. Kuni had changed their lives because of her actions, not the color of her regimentals.
It was people who didn’t have guards that needed guarding the most. People like Mr. and Mrs. Goodnight, like Adella and Victor.Thatwas where Kuni could be most useful. Indispensable, even.
Instead of saving one person, she could save many. Not only protecting lives, but changing them for the better.
But only if she stayed.
The heavy clouds overhead could not contain the rain any longer. Dozens of fat droplets fell from the sky and splashed Kuni’s cheeks with cold water. The weather was turning. Fear ricocheted through her. She kept her grip on the railing. More drops fell, until the railing was slick with rain. Holding on became harder than ever.
She glanced over her shoulders at her brothers. They were looking at her now, not with condescension, but with respect. As a future colleague. As an equal. As a sister. Could she make this choice?
Staying would mean leaving one family for another.
But Floris and Reinald didn’t need her. The king didn’t need her. Even Princess Mechtilda didn’t need her, personally. The Royal Guard would get on fine without Kuni. Balcovia had thousands of soldiers. There would always be someone to take her place.
The Goodnights had needed the Wynchesters…andKuni. To them, she wasn’t replaceable. She was one of them.
Or would be, if she remained in England.
By staying, Kuni would be giving up her home, her status, and life in a royal palace…but she would gain a found family of commoners whose faith in her had never once flagged. And a smart, strong man who loved her and thought her perfect exactly how she was. There was nothing common about that. Kuni was pretty sure the trade would make her the luckiest woman in the world.
The wind howled and waves knocked hard against the side of the ship.
Kuni fought down bile and fished instead for paper and pencil inside her bag. Using one of her journals as a writing surface, she jotted off the most legible note she could while maintaining a one-armed death grip on the railing. She affixed a seal and handed the folded paper to Floris. “I need you to give this to Princess Mechtilda.”
Reinald reached for the letter. “Let me see what it says, first.”
She knocked his hand away. “That letter belongs to Her Royal Highness. Your job is to deliver her personal correspondence safely, not violate the princess’s privacy.”
He nodded, chastened.
“But…why are you giving this to me?” Floris asked. “Can’t you just tell her whatever your message is yourself?”
“I won’t be there to do so,” she told him. “I can’t go home and put on a uniform when my home is here, no uniform required. Not anymore. I’m retiring my old dream to live a new and better one.”
The ship gave another lurch as the rain poured down harder.
“I don’t think you are,” said Reinald. “This ship has already sailed. Unless you want to jump overboard and swim?”
43
Graham watched the large ship grow small, his stomach sinking more as each new wave pushed Kuni a little farther away.
He hoped she was all right. The wind had picked up, turning the water choppy. The air was thick with falling rain. Visibility diminished by the second.
Graham couldn’t see Kuni’s face anymore. He couldn’t even see her outline. But he knew where she was because he hadn’t looked away, not for even a second.
“It’s…all right to be sad,” Marjorie said hesitantly.
