“I know.”
Conversation had been like this since they’d left the house. Awkward. Stiff. Short. Nothing like the hours they’d spent locked in each other’s arms.
He had meant their lovemaking to be soft and tender, but neither of them had shown any restraint. Their mouths had been frantic, their bodies demanding. They’d come together like comets. And then exploded into the dawn.
He’d wished he could float with her forever.
Persuasive arguments to plead his case escaped him. Everything he could think of to say—They don’t need you like I do, orEngland is almost as nice as Balcovia, orTo the devil with your princess—sounded desperate and selfish.
But that was how he felt. And he was out of options.
“I know it’s important to you,” he said, and knew he shouldn’t. “But you don’thaveto join the Royal Guard. I know you and Princess Mechtilda made plans, but it’s not like she cannot find someone else to—”
Hurt flashed across her face, her eyes accusing and disappointed.
“It’s not important ‘to me.’ It’simportant. Full stop. I don’t just believe in the power of our king. I live the life I leadbecauseof the Balcovian monarchy and my great-great-grandfather. He and his wife belonged to the last generation of slaves in my country because the Balcovian government was founded on abolition. Because our king was willing to die to give us a better life.”
“And hewouldhave died, had your family not intervened.” Graham could only imagine how indebted a history like that could make her feel toward both sides. The king who had fought for equality, and each new generation of de Heusch soldiers, trying to fill the shoes of those who had marched before them.
“Yes. Though I have come to realize that the Royal Guard isn’t the only post of valor. You and your family are civilian Unroyal Guards and deserve more recognition than you receive.”
“We are accustomed to performing—”
“Myfamily does good things, too. Marvelous things. Without the Crown, without Balcovia, without the Royal Guard, they would be no one.Iwould be no one. But my forefathers were heroes. I am so proud of them. I want my descendants to be proud of me. I want to inspire the next generations. Is my path less important than yours?”
“That’s not what I—”
“This is the destiny I was born to fulfill. I promised my father I would try my best, right before he…” Her voice broke and she swallowed. Her black eyes looked haunted. “What else have I spent my life fighting for? The de Heusch family matters. Soldiers matter.Iwill matter. If you had made the same vow toyourfather—”
“That’s not fair,” he muttered. His weak protest was a lie, and she knew it.
Graham and his siblingshadmade a deathbed promise to Bean, and theyhaddone everything in their power to fulfill it. It had taken over a year, but they had not rested until they’d kept their word.
Of course Kunigunde would feel the same way.
They had reached the end of the pier. Small rowboats and water boats bobbed, packed together in clumps near the shore. Farther out, cargo ships and passenger vessels cruised down the river. Dockworkers rushed hither and yon. Before them, the Balcovian royal ship sat docked and ready. The tip of its gangplank rested mere feet away from them.
He set down her valise. A porter rushed down the long plank to take it.
The footman said something to Kunigunde in Balcovian. Graham recognized her name, but nothing else.
She shook her head and replied in the same language.
The footman nodded and took the valise up the plank.
“I asked him to let the crew and my brothers know I would be returning home with them. He said my brothers were already expecting me. I told him I need another moment with you before I board.”
Kunigunde was wearing the canvas bag they’d used when they’d recovered the stolen wages together. She fished inside and pulled out a book.
Graham’s breath caught. For the briefest of seconds, he thought…But the color was all wrong. This wasn’t the duplicate album he’d made for her. It looked more like the journal he’d seen her writing in since they’d first met.
“Here.” She pressed the book into his hands.
His heart leapt in surprise. He started to lift the cover.
“No. Don’t open it until I’m gone, please.”
He lowered the book. “All right.”
