“But I am here,” Désirée pointed out. “That is very different.”
Frederick frowned. “Yes, but welikehaving you here.”
“Perhaps your father also likes reading to you.” Désirée touched his cheek. “Whether you’re better at it without him or not. Maybe he comes here because he wants to.”
Annie snuggled into Désirée’s shoulder. “I wish you wouldstaybecause you want to.”
“Not in bed,” Frederick added. “In our family. We made room for you in our hearts, just like you said.”
Annie gazed up at her. “Do you think you could make room in your heart for us, too?”
Throat stinging, Désirée hugged them both tightly. “You burst into my heart the day that I met you. Sometimes I think loving you two rapscallions takes up all the room I have inside.”
They squeezed her back. “Us, too.”
Désirée opened the book to mask her tumult inside. She had answered one of their questions, but not the other.
They were clever children. They would realize it meant that although she loved them very much, although their perfectly imperfect family tempted her like no other, she could not stay.
Not as a governess. Not with an end date from the first moment, knowing they would eventually no longer need her, and she’d be sent out the door.
As much as she yearned to prolong her stay, Désirée would go where shewasneeded. Bastien and Lucien loved her, too. Her family needed her not just for a few years, but for forever. They didn’t have to make room for her. She already belonged with them.
After the twins were tucked into bed, Désirée returned downstairs to the wine cellar.
Jack was not there. She ignored the abandoned glasses of wine and instead curled up on the chair closest to the fire.
Not that she was cold. The children had warmed her heart. But she had told them a half-truth. The twins were not the only ones who had carved a place for themselves inside her chest. Her heart had grown big enough for Jack, too.Missinghimwas not nearly strong enough a word to describe how she would feel when she left.
Her gaze sank to the pile of governess queries on the carpet. These were the final contenders. The best of the best.
Part of her wanted to throw all six into the fire. And part of her wanted to grab one at random and beg her to start tomorrow, in order to put paid to the anguish of not knowing when the end would come.
Footsteps clattered down the stairs.
“Forgive me.” Jack was in shirtsleeves. He shoved a curl of tousled hair from his eyes. “There’s an issue with one of the harbors. I’ve sent for my best man so we can find a solution, but… Why am I boring you with work? We haven’t finished our wine.” He collapsed onto the chair beside her. “How were the children? Are they still pretending they haven’t finishedGulliver’s Travels?”
She grinned. “Not with me. We’re on to the next book. I hope you like pirates.”
“Ghastly heathens, pirates.” He shuddered theatrically. “Now,smuggling. That’s a gentleman’s profession.”
Désirée placed her hands on her hips. “Aren’t you going to ask if the twins were upset to have an unexpected substitute?”
“Bah.” His eyes drifted closed. “You’re a good mother. Of course they weren’t upset.”
Her heart flipped and her breath caught.
“You mean… I wouldmakea good mother?” she ventured. “Someday?”
His eyes flew open. “Er… yes. That’s what I meant. Obviously you’re not their mother.”
She nodded. “Obviously.”
All sleepiness was gone from his face. His dark eyes held her immobile. “Désirée…”
“Don’t say it.”
Whateveritwas. That she was a lovely person,but. That her interim must come to an end. That she would never be more than a temporary substitute.
