Her eyes stung. Even though it was what she now expected, the confirmation still sliced deep. Her breath came shallow. “Have youeverbeen sunsick?”
He flinched. “No.”
She could not contain her pain any longer. “I should have known. I should’ve knownbetter. Just when I’d finally tricked myself into believing there could be a man worthy of my love, worthy of my trust... I can’t believe you lied to me every single minute since the day I met you. Has anything you’ve ever said to me been true?”
“Everything else,” he burst out, then hesitated. “Mostly. I wanted—”
“You wanted tolie. Well, I deserve better than that. I deserve better thanyou.” She spun on her heel, nauseous with pain and betrayal.
Without a backward glance, she ran back inside the abbey. He did not follow. Uneven breaths tangled in her throat. Of course he would not follow. He was probably too busy thinking up more lies. Her stomach churned. She’d been hoodwinked by several accomplished liars over the years, but this—this—was far beyond the pale.
She tore through the halls, blind with pain. She had imagined she’d finally found something special. A home. But if they could not trust each other, they had nothing.
She needed to think. Somewhere far, far away from Alistair Waldegrave. Lover. Liar. Madman. Did he truly believe anyone could shrug off such deception? What about Lily? If he had completely lied about his own supposed affliction, he had likely exaggerated his daughter’s condition as well. There was a clear line between protective and cruelty. Her wasted childhood was more than a tragedy. It was unforgiveable. Anyone who caged a child unnecessarily was nothing short of a monster.
Violet’s feet bore her to her chamber. It no longer felt like a safe haven. Nothing did. If a lifetime of bitterly disappointing experiences had taught her one thing, it was to know when to cut ties. And it was time.
She swung open her wardrobe and began tossing garments into a pile. Her hands hadn’t stopped shaking since the initial moment of fear for Alistair’s safety, followed by the shock of betrayal. He might be content to live a lie. She was not.
Now was the time for action, not inaction. She had meant to save money for a barrister, and she had done so. It was past time she face her accuser head-on. Once she settled her own future, she could decide whether she wanted to be part of Alistair Waldegrave’s life. It could be months until the trial. And she might never trust him again.
She hefted her makeshift bundle over one shoulder and headed directly to the catacombs. She couldn’t go anywhere without seeing Lily one last time. Leaving the child behind was already breaking her heart. She would return as soon as the threat of a gibbet was gone, but for now she would have to say goodbye.
Shoulders tight, she eased open the door to the sanctuary.
“Miss Smy—” The smile lighting Lily’s face died the moment her eyes fell upon the telltale bundle in Violet’s arms. “Oh. You’re leaving.”
“I have to.” Violet longed to explain herself, but had no wish to make Lily’s imprisonment any more unbearable than it already was. “Just for a little while.”
“Why? You don’t love me enough to stay? I loveyou.” Lily’s big gray eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I love you enough for both of us.”
“Oh, honey.” Violet dropped to her knees and enveloped her in a fierce hug. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone my whole life. I will try as hard as I can to come back to you, Tiger Lily. I promise you that.”
“It’s Papa, isn’t it?” Lily mumbled into Violet’s shoulder, squeezing her midsection harder than ever. “He’s done something awful, hasn’t he?”
The child had no idea. Violet swallowed. She could think of no response that did not involve outright lying, and she did not believe in lying to children. She kissed Lily’s cheeks and then rose to her feet. “Your papa will be here soon to bid you good morning. Try—try to be kind. He’s bringing you fresh roses.”
“I don’t want roses.” Lily’s lower lip trembled. “I want you and me to stay together. Forever and ever. Like a family. Papa said we were afamily.”
“Youarepart of my family.” The back of Violet’s throat stung. “Be good for me until I can come home. I promise to do my best. Never forget how much I love you. No matter what, hear me?”
Lily launched herself back into Violet’s arms. “I wish you were my mother. If you were my mother, you would stay.”
Heat pricked Violet’s eyes as her throat swelled with emotion. Oh, how she wished she were Lily’s mother, too. Violet wished so many, many things. She wished she didn’t have criminal charges hanging over her head. She wished Alistair hadn’t lied. But more than anything, she wished she could stay.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. And I promise to think about you every second of every day. I already miss you more than I can stand.”
“I do, too. And I hate it.” Lily pulled out of Violet’s embrace and wiped her eyes. Without a backward glance or an audible sob, she crawled onto the foot of her mattress and closed the heavy curtains around her, surrounding herself with darkness.
Her heart breaking, Violet forced herself to lift her bundle and quit the room before she burst into tears herself. She had to stay strong. Focused. She had to make it to London with her head still attached to her body.
Determined, she slipped out of the abbey through a servant’s exit and turned her boots toward the road.
Chapter 36
Alistair speared his shears in the dirt as if driving a stake through Lucifer himself.
There. He’d cut off every bloom to every rose, just like he’d cut off any prayer of earning Violet’s trust. Was he happy now? A tortured growl escaped his throat. No. He was not.
