“Have an example?”
“Make eye contact even when you don’t want to,” she said after a moment. “Stay within a socially acceptable distance that changes according to each person’s preferences. Say ‘how droll’ to the host even when he isn’t.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled. “You’re absolutely right. Thosearethe rules, and I’ve never heard them taught in any school.”
“Can you help?” she asked.
“I can try.” His expression turned serious. “Those are the sorts of issues one notices when things don’t go as expected, rather than a list of prohibited behaviors I could write down for you to memorize.”
“That’s always the problem.” She tried to swallow her frustration.
“We’ll find a way,” Theodore said. “Don’t give up on me yet.”
A footman arrived with the first course. Virginia was pleased to see tonight’s soup was chestnut.
Theodore sent her a considering gaze. “I suppose there’s no need to explain who does the serving and how second helpings are handled?”
No. Virginia could serve the king himself. She just wouldn’t know what to say to him.
“If the topic of conversation appears to be the weather,” she began haltingly, “and, after having discussed the current climactic conditions exhaustively, the entire party turns to me as if expecting my input but without having asked a direct question… What do I say?”
Theodore arched a brow. “This doesn’t sound like a hypothetical question.”
She shook her head. “It’s every single outing with strangers.”
“Go out with friends instead,” he suggested with a smile.
She didn’t smile back. It was exactly the problem.
“Here is a foolproof trick.” Theodore leaned forward. “Repeat the hostess. Just say, ‘I agree with Queen Turkey-tiara. Raindoesseem to make the road wet.’”
She giggled. “But what if Queen Turkey-tiara has the opinions of a featherwit?”
“It doesn’t matter. No one can criticize you without offending the host. They wouldn’t dare.” He sat back. “Works every time.”
While Virginia considered Theodore’s words, a footman arrived with the next course.
She bit her lip. “What do I do if one of the ladies across from me makes rude expressions in my direction?”
“Nothing,” Theodore said at once. “If you don’t outrank her, act like you can’t see her. It will drive her mad.”
“What do I do if the gentleman next to me passes wind?”
“Audible or olfactory?” he inquired politely.
“Give me both scenarios.”
He burst out laughing. “What kind of dinner parties have you attended?”
“That hasn’t happened,” she admitted. “But it could.”
“Help me.” Theo stabbed his fork into the vegetables and affected a horror-struck expression. “If the boiled asparagus is too limp to stay on my fork, what do I do?”
She kicked him under the table.
“Careful,” he said. “You’ll injure my good knee.”
“If I’m roasting chestnuts on an open fire and the gentleman next to me loses his handkerchief into the flames, what do I do?” she asked.
