“We’ll do it even better,” he promised sleepily.“You skipped a lot of good bits.”
Her heart thumped.“I might like that.After you wake up.”
“I might stay just like this forever,” he murmured, and nestled close.“I love the way you smell.”
At his words, cold sliced through her heart.He hadn’t made a connection withher.His instincts had responded to a chemical compound.She stopped stroking his hair and tried to blink the hot stinging from her eyes instead.He was here in response to herscent.Exactly as she manufactured it.
She hatedDuchessa little more every day.
Her throat tightened.She’d wanted this moment to be true.But it wasn’t.None of this was real.This was an illusion of intimacy engineered in her laboratory, with no regard for his feelings on the matter or her own.She deserved exactly what she got.
Even if that meant nothing at all.
Chapter 13
Penelope wrapped her scarf tighter about her neck.She was standing in the makeshift observatory at the rear of Gloria’s cottage, but the open window was not the source of her cold.Penelope’s emptiness came from within.
Gloria glanced up from her telescope, her gaze concerned.“Are you ready to talk?”
“No.”
There was nothing to discuss.That was why Penelope had ushered Nicholas out the door as soon he had re-buttoned his fall, washed off every trace of perfume, and buried herself alone in her bed with only her thoughts and the darkness of the night to accompany her.
Gloria gave her a sympathetic look.“Then why are you at my house before dawn?”
“I knew you’d be awake,” Penelope answered immediately.“You stay up all night to watch the stars.”
“I know why I’m awake.”Gloria narrowed her eyes.“Why areyouawake?”
Because no matter how far Penelope hid beneath her blankets, sleep had refused to come.She had gravely miscalculated the aftereffects ofDuchessachieving a successful trial.
She did not feel as though she’d won.She feared she had lost much more than her virginity.She had lost her focus.Her rationality.She needed to get it back.
Gloria turned back to her telescope.“I stopped by the castle for supper last night.”
“Hm,” Penelope responded distantly.“Anyone there?”
“Only every female in Christmas,” Gloria said with a laugh.“The dining hall has been overflowing with women for two weeks.Every lady in there is hoping to catch sight of—or spend the night with—Saint Nick.”
Penelope’s stomach filled with nausea.She longed to ask if Nicholas had been present to bask in the adoration, but she dreaded the answer.Either way, if he had not returned to the castle after leaving her cottage, that meant he had gone somewhere else.Possibly to someone else.And if so, she didn’t want to know.
“Trust me,” Gloria said with a roll of her eyes.“IfDuchesswas ready for sale, you could make a fortune in the next half hour.”
The knife in Penelope’s stomach gave another twist.Duchesswas ready.Penelope was not.She certainly did not want other women using it on Nicholas.
The thought of him engaged in intimate activities with someone else… White-hot jealousy roiled her stomach.Based on observable history and empirical patterns, a rake engaging in consensual copulation with everyone he pleased was not a hypothetical situation but a foregone certainty.
Gloria angled her head.“What’s wrong?You used to find such antics amusing.”
Had she?Penelope wrapped her arms about her aching chest.Apparently, she used to be an idiot.
“You can’t possibly be jealous,” Gloria scoffed.“The moment you met him, you could not think of a worse sort of man.After you argued overDuke, I was certain that would be the end of it.Did you see him again after that time at the refreshment buffet?”
Penelope focused her gaze at the wall as though she no longer spoke English.
“Youdidsee him again,” Gloria breathed.“Good heavens, this isn’t envy.This is possessiveness.”
“I do not possess him.”Penelope’s voice cracked.
