“I’m such a fucking wreck,” I breathe out before pulling a pillow to my face.
Before I know it, I let out a muffled scream while squeezing the pillow tightly enough to my face that someone would think I’m trying to suffocate myself if they walked in.
My body hums with anxiety and adrenaline still, and I toss the pillow onto the floor in annoyance. I know I need to sleep, but my mind won’t let me have it–not when dawn means stepping back into the place that nearly destroyed me, not when every breath tonight feels like it could be my last.
The longer I lie here, the more my mind becomes a battlefield, each drifting thought feeling like stepping on a landmine.
My hands curl into fists before I force them to relax as I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
Just empty your mind, Briar.
Instantly I’m berated with images of my mom suffering and the cruel smile on Terrance’s face as he tore me apart.
“Nope,” I hiss out quickly as my eyes fly open to stare at the ceiling once more. “That’s not going to do the trick.”
I throw the covers aside, my bare feet meeting the cool stone as desperation creeps in to settle my mind somehow. The castle’s air is thick with silence as I walk through the halls slowly. It does nothing to soothe me–if anything, the quiet makes it worse as I stare at our family portraits. My nervous energy pulls me through the corridors without thought of where I’m going.
It isn’t until I come to a stop that I realize where my steps have carried me.
The wing of the castle where Elias, Dante, and Callum were assigned rooms.
Three ornate doors stare back at me, as if taunting me with the choice I’ve been avoiding thinking about. It’s like I can practically hear each entryway whispering sweet nothings to me, meanwhile my conscious yells at me that I can only choose one.
My hands lift to rub harshly at eyes that are dry from exhaustion.
This is the last place I should be if what I’m looking for is mental peace.
Yet as my hands fall limply to my sides and my gaze jumps from door to door, wondering who is in which room, I can’t bring myself to walk away. I stand there in the hush of the corridor, my heart thudding harder with every second I linger.
I don’t know why the hell I came here to begin with.
All I can do is stare and imagine what it would mean to open one door and not the others. To choose one of them.
The thought slices through my ribs to my heart. I can’t…not after what I’ve shared with each of them. Not when opening one of their doors means hurting the other two.
I’d rather have none of them than tear their family further apart than it already is. They’ve endured the loss of the parents who loved them deeply from what I’ve heard, been forced into Terrance’s sole control and supervision, and had their futures ripped from them.
Now, finally they’re free to be together and soon will be able to chase their dreams when Terrance is in the ground. They won’t have to stay here in Sanguis for safety.
My chest squeezes with that thought. I don’t know why that feels like a stake through my heart–it’s not like they belong here as humans, and they absolutely will never be open to becoming vampires.
Maybe we were never meant to continue our paths together, perhaps we were meant to learn how to grow from our shared trauma and move on.
With a muttered curse under my breath, I turn on my heel to leave but quickly freeze when the sound of snoring rattles from the middle room, loud enough to echo down the corridor around me.
I blink before another sound follows. Elias’s voice, sharp and irritable even muffled by the door between us, cuts through the quiet, “Go back to your own room if you’re going to snore in my fucking ear, Cal.”
A burst of air puffs from my nostrils as I choke on the laughter desperately wanting to come out. I slap a hand over my mouth to keep from giving myself away.
This time when my chest constricts, it’s with a startling curiosity that chases away the bleak thoughts.
Did they all end up in one room despite being given their own?
It’s not like they’re children who are scared of the dark and can’t sleep alone. They’re full-grown men, each with a boiling desire for vengeance that will require taking lives…yet they’re possibly cuddled up behind that door.
Dante’s admission of feeling left out comes to the forefront of my mind.
A part of me does hope they’re all in there–not just Elias and Callum.
