“I do feel betrayed, but I also know we’ll figure this out,” I admitted, realizing at that moment that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice our relationship. Saying the words aloud was like lifting a boulder from my chest. I didn’t realize until now how scared Iwas of losing our connection. “But, Niz, I need you to be as open as you can. Not just for me, but also for the others.For Kieran.Everyone will want answers and will probably question if they can trust you completely. I want them to trust you, andIwant to be able to trust you.”
His gaze moved to the door, softening as a small smile tugged on his lips as soon as I said her name. “I don’t disagree with that.”
My brow dipped as a new thought struck me—howdidNiz feel about Kieran? This entire time I assumed his protectiveness was in part due to me and our bond, but now…I let out a heavy sigh, rubbing eyes that were demanding to be closed with my exhaustion. It was a question for a different time, but an important one regardless.
“But we’re okay?” Niz asked, snapping his gaze back to me, worry lining his pinched brow.
I took a deep breath, searching for the answer. Finally, I blew it out, at peace with my thoughts. With a quick nod, I said, “As long as you’re okay, we’ll figure it out, Niz.”
4
KIERAN
Light streamedin through my window as I cracked an eye open, wondering what time it was. My internal clock felt completely out of whack. The battle raged into the middle of the night, and then once we were back at the house, I couldn’t sleep with the thought that any member of our group might need sustenance to replenish their energy. So at four in the morning, I made food for everyone. Cooking helped work off some of the nervous energy that had been swirling within me, but as I woke with grainy eyes and a stiff body, I was regretting not going to bed earlier.
Sweeping my gaze to the clock as I rolled to my side, I noted it was only ten in the morning and let out a sigh before flopping onto my back.
Staring at the ceiling, memories from the night before assaulted me. The entire thing felt like a nightmare I’d jerked awake from, only to realize it was allveryreal.
The light leaving the eyes from those whose lives I took.
The shriek of pain from Niz before he fell.
Steele’s roar when Amelia was injured.
My fists curled into the bed, grabbing the sheets tightly as if they could anchor me to the present moment.
Tears blurred my vision as the echoes of orders being shouted amidst the cries of pain in the medical center rolled through my head. There had been so much blood, so much loss. Some families were waking up this morning without a person they loved, and I…I might be the reason for a few of them.
As that fact hit me full force, my chest seized and it felt as if my breath was being stolen from my lungs. Without hesitation, my blade had sliced through flesh and bone. In the moment, it had all been so easy. Now, in the light of day…
Pain seared through me, my heart feeling like it was being squeezed in a vice. I choked on the sob that ripped from my mouth, slapping a hand over my lips to keep Gabe or Steele from hearing me from their rooms. My body shook as I let out the anguish and sadness that I’d suppressed in the early morning hours after the battle, trying my best to put on a front of strength for everyone around me.
Logically, I knew it was us or them, but that knowledge didn’t soften the blow of killing for the first time. My hands and soul were now stained forever.
It was like the floodgates of Hell opened as I curled onto my side, grabbing a pillow to wrap myself around and stifle the sound of my sobs. I was only now realizing how much I had numbed myself last night, letting adrenaline push me on with the singular focus of ensuring my loved ones made it. Was that selfish? Perhaps, but I was beginning to understand just how brutal we needed to be to ensure we all made it to see the next day. It didn’t matter whether I liked the reality of the situation.
I opened myself to it all, knowing I couldn’t shove these feelings down any longer. I needed to let myself feel it all, no matter how painful. With time, the sobs turned into soft sniffles and eventually my eyes dried, leaving my body feeling spent as I hugged the pillow like an old friend I didn’t want to part with. The clock now read half past ten.
I had to face the day—to face the aftermath of the battle. This was war, and I needed to harden my heart somehow. Deep down, I knew there would be more lives lost. This may have just been the beginning, but it was my new reality.
Do I have what it takes to make it through this, emotionally and physically?
Slowly, I let go of the pillow, taking a deep breath before pushing up to sit at the edge of the bed. For a moment, I pondered that question, letting my head hang down. The answer came to me, barreling into my heart. I lifted my chin, taking a deep breath as I looked in the mirror at the corner of the room.
My hair was a disheveled mess and my eyes were red and puffy from crying, but there was a strength that reflected back at me I’d never seen before.
“You aren’t the meek angel that Alfemir made you think you are. You’re the only known Star Keeper in existence. You have a chance to ensure no one else ever feels trapped and abused by the angels ever again.Thatis worth fighting for.”
I repeated that to myself until I found the strength to stand and move forward.
“Us or them,” I whispered, grabbing clothes for the hard day that I knew would be ahead. Making quick work of a shower helped wash away some of my lingering sorrow, and when I emerged, I felt refreshed and as ready as I’d ever be.
Opening my door, I noted Gabe’s and Steele’s closed doors and decided to check in on Niz before doing anything else. Padding down to the floor below, I gently rapped my knuckles against Ronan’s door, in case either of them were still asleep. When silence greeted me in return, I let my hand drop to my side and nibbled on my bottom lip.
The entire house felt like a ghost town, not at all like the home filled with the lively energy of conversations and a tiny wyvern flying around being a menace that I was used to.
Needing to see if they were okay, to settle the nerves bubbling up in my stomach, I opened the door with a soft click. A smile lifted my lips at the scene before me. Ronan was slumped in a chair next to the bed, snoring lightly, but what really warmed my heart was the sight of the small, black and green wyvern sleeping on top of his head, with his tail falling over the side of Ronan’s face.
