Rolling onto my back, I let out a heavy sigh as I rubbed my tired eyes. My usual dreams had escaped me last night, replaced with nightmarish scenarios where everyone I cared about died regardless of whether or not I left the Rebellion. The outcome was always the same.
“Fuck this,” I breathed out, not giving a damn that I was the only one around to hear the words. Something aboutnotkeeping them inside was invigorating. “All I wanted was to feel like Iwasn’ta failure. Now I’m placed in a position that feels insurmountable. Is this some type of cruel joke?”
I wasn’t sure who I was asking…The Divine, perhaps, or maybe Fate. Really anyone who would listen and had the power to, I don’t know…stop this. Or maybe even tell me that the prophecy actually revolved around some other unknown Star Keeper.
The silence that was returned to me was deafening.
Answers were what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure I would like the ones Amelia had for me today, so I dragged my feet as I got ready. Halfway into my shower that reeked of self-pity and sorrow, I found myself shocked Steele hadn’t barged in and thrown me over his shoulder to take me to Amelia himself. A dark laugh fell from my lips as I realized the situation must be worse than I thought if even Steele was giving me space.
After throwing on black leggings and a loose white, long-sleeve that made me feel like I was being engulfed in a hug by the ultra-soft fabric, I made my way downstairs. I quickly noted that, according to the clock on the stove, it was nearly ten-thirty in the morning. The house was eerily quiet. With no one in sight and not a single sound echoing from any other floor, I called out, “Hello?”
After a few seconds of silence, I made my way to the coffee maker, mumbling about how apparently the divineandthe fallen alike didn’t want to have a conversation with me today. My eyes snagged on a note on the counter, and I grabbed it, reading it quickly.
Beauty,
There is already a liner and coffee grounds in the machine and the water is full. All you need to do is click start. I would have brewed some for you, but I wasn’t sure when you were going to get up. We all agreed that you deserve to take today at your own pace. Well, most of us at least, and the majority won.
I know breakfast isn’t your favorite, but there are some ripe bananas in the fruit basket or some yogurt in the fridge. Be agood girl and eat something, even if I’m not there to force you. I’ll know if you do.
I shook my head at that and felt a smile creeping onto my face. He was so overbearing in the weirdest ways, but it was something I was growing to really adore about him.
We are all at the training center for the day, so if you feel up to it, come find us there after you’re done talking with Amelia. Steele said he’d let you spar with other people today if you show.
My eyes narrowed. I’d been asking to fight with other partners so I didn’t get used to just fighting against his style and size, but he’d denied me. Why the sudden gesture?Fuck.The more nice shit Steele did, the worse the situation grew in my mind. Why couldn’t he just act normal? It was seriously putting me on edge.
P.S. Gabe said Amelia’s home is at the forefront of the residential area. First row all the way at the end on the left.
Yours, Ronan
I let out a groan and sat the note down. I really couldn’t keep putting this off. Everyone was being so kind to me today, and I was just standing around moping.
While I was waiting for the coffee to brew, I choked down a banana, despite absolutely hating the mushy texture. The flavor was decent, but it wasn’t enough to make me not cringe with each bite. Flinging the half eaten fruit into the trash, I made my coffee to my preference with cream and sugar.
With my Thermos in hand, I made my way to the residential area and quickly noted the wide-eyed looks being sent my way. There was no trace of animosity or suspicion any longer, though I would have much preferred that over the…hopethat I saw in them now.
Damnit, word has clearly spread about what I supposedly am.
Keeping my head down, I turned down the first row of houses and headed toward the end as instructed. I wanted to fit in, but I hadn’t wanted to be theirsalvation. I felt panic crawling up my throat at the thought as I watched a group of kids playing with dice in a yard. It wouldn’t just be my loved ones that perished if all of this about the stars dying and falling proved to be true…It would be everyone.
Trudging up the steps onto the large wraparound porch at the last house, I raised my free hand to knock on the door. Before I could make contact, Amelia called out from my right, “Over here, Kieran.”
Her voice startled me, making me jump slightly. I’d been so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t even noticed her sitting quietly on the large swinging bench off to the side.
“Take a seat,” she said, gesturing at the empty seat next to her.
Her smile was warm and welcoming, but my nerves were still getting the best of me. My fingers played with the hem of my sleeves as nerves bubbled up in my stomach.
Before yesterday, I would have loved the opportunity to have this moment alone with Amelia and pick her brain, but as I took the offered seat, I found my throat dry and my mind empty. Overwhelmed was an understatement for how my mind currently felt. It wasn’t just the pressure and confusion I felt about my affinity and what I was supposed to prepare for, but also the way my heart felt like it was being tugged in so many different directions.
The moment I shared with Bastian last night had been special, like I’d truly seen him for the first time. I would never be able to come back from that. Something within him called to me and I couldn’t deny it, no matter my feelings for Gabe and Ronan. Coming to that realization as Bastian held me so tenderly was enough to make my head spin.
I didn’t know what the hell I wanted from life, inanycapacity it seemed. Admitting that to myself made me feel like a failure.
Twisting the lid from my Thermos, I set it on the small side table next to me and slid my boots off before pulling my legs to be crossed on the seat. Sipping on my coffee, I gazed out at the forest, finding the silence between Amelia and I to be surprisingly calming as the minutes passed. She just had this energy about her that settled my nerves without even trying. Perhaps it was the way she let me just mentally fall apart over here, not pushing me to speak.
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye as she lifted her cup to her lips and took a sip. Setting it back on her lap, she asked, “Have you tried Noah’s green tea? It really is the best I’ve had, and he won’t tell me his blend.”
I appreciated her attempt at normalcy before we got into the heavy shit.
