“But I have nothing for me here, and you do!” I couldn’t help but yell, my chest heaving as bewilderment consumed me. How could they not see that I only had their best interests at heart?
His jaw clenched in return, letting silence stifle us for a few moments.
“Don’t say you have nothing when you have us.”
Those words shattered my heart, meaning more to me than I could ever imagine. I never had anyone to count on, and it felt like a foreign concept to me. Could I accept their desire to be by my side, knowing that I didn’t know for certain what I could offer them in the long run? Gabe’s eyes flashed into my mind as his words rolled through my memory.I’ll protect your heart and worship those scars, if you’ll let me.
How did I somehow have two incredible men seemingly offering to give me the world when last week I’d felt so fucking alone? How was I supposed to break it to either of them that they were both vying for my heart,ifI let Ronan come with me?
Niz chirped, seemingly in agreement with Ronan’s words, though he still had his back to me. His head was turned away again.
My eyes drifted shut as Ronan’s hand reached out to ensnare my own, squeezing as he said, “Let us make our own decisions, Kieran.”
His words clenched my heart, and I struggled in agony to decide. My thoughts may as well have scattered in the wind outside with how jumbled they felt. If he wanted to make this decision, he needed to know the truth about Gabe and what was possibly waiting for us in that regard, but as the words rose to the tip of my tongue, they felt like the acid that pooled within Niz’s stomach. I didn’t want to hurt him with the admission, but I also hadn’t done anything wrong. The choice was my own to make, and my body was mine to do with what I wanted. He couldn’t be angry about that…Could he?
That same line of thought struck me, realizing that the logic could be flipped to fit this situation for what they were wanting to do. Who was I to be mad about a choice they were making for their own lives? That was hypocritical of me.
Steeling myself, I opened my eyes and took a deep breath before beginning. “You’re right, this is your life and your decision to make, but there's something I need to tell you that might influence your decision. You deserve all the facts before making a choice like this.”
Trepidation entered his narrowed gaze as he nodded, indicating I should continue.
“Before I saw you again at my placement testing, I shared a night with an angel we both know. We were intimate.” His eyesshut as his lips thinned, yet I pushed on, knowing I owed him this. “He’s actually a fallen angel now, and he’s offered to house me within the Rebellion. That’s where I’m heading.”
His Adam's apple bobbed as he nodded, digesting my words before looking at me once more. “And does he think there’s a future for you together?”
I couldn’t help but notice he hadn’t dropped my hand yet, which I fully expected him to do. Not having a knee-jerk reaction spoke volumes of his character. At that moment, I realized I couldn’t let him go, even if I tried. He was everything I could ask for. Someone who was my rock when the world threatened to consume me whole. Someone who I knew would protect me, yet push me to achieve the highest accomplishments for myself. Someone who…accepted me exactly as I was, placement or not. He’d never once thought less of me.
I wet my lips before answering, “I’ve not given him the indication that I would follow that path, but he’s made his intentions clear that he wants to see where things could go between us. However, I do have some feelings for him. It would be wrong of me to lie about that, considering what you want to do.”
For a few seconds, we just stared at each other, and I realized I was holding my breath as I waited for his answer. Niz turned around on his shoulder, facing me with wide eyes, while Ronan’s lips split into a full grin.
His voice turned husky as he murmured, “Good thing I’ve never lost a challenge then, isn’t it?”
A small gasp escaped me as I processed his words. He was not only accepting the facts about Gabe and I, but he was still willing to go with me andfightfor me.
Shit, this little crush I had on him was rapidly developing into something more.
“How did you even know to find me here right now?” I asked softly as I squeezed his hand.
Niz let out a huff as his chest puffed up just before Ronan answered. “Niz shifted to his full size and quite literally carried me here in his mouth. We had a small argument outside before I realized what he was trying to tell me. He somehow knew you were here and leaving.”
I still felt awful about hurting his feelings, so I held out my hand for him. “I’m sorry, Niz. Do you forgive me?”
He looked me up and down, tilting his chin up as he did, and for a moment, I feared he wouldn’t. The truth of just how strongly I’d bonded to these two hit me in that moment, while I waited for his answer. If Niz didn’t want to come with us now, his absence would feel like a gaping hole in our lives. I didn’t quite understand our connection, seeing as I proved to not be a Beast Tamer, but I was tired of questioning things that made my heart happy.
My smile was instantaneous as Niz hopped onto my hand, rubbing his scaled cheek into my palm as a vibration rolled through his little body, like he was purring. I couldn’t help but bring him up to my face to drop a kiss to his head.
“Now, before we leave,” Ronan rumbled darkly, breaking my brief bubble of happiness. “Did your father do that to you? Because if he put his hands on you, I will cut them off."
Niz jumped up, flapping his wings to glide to my shoulder, allowing me to focus on Ronan entirely. The memory of what my father had done was as fresh as the wounds on my body and imprinted on my subconscious like the image of my mom lying unconscious in bed. Those images weren’t going anywhere, and I could feel my throat thicken with emotion as I considered his question and how I wanted to answer him. I knew the truth, though.Thiswasn’t a topic I was ready to talk about, and hewas going to have to respect that. While I was still learning a lot about Ronan, I had a feeling he would understand that.
“While I appreciate the sentiment and you wanting to defend me,” I started, picking and choosing my words carefully this time around, “that's a topic you’re going to have to let me process and open up about in my own time. As is, honestly, I don’t think I’ve processed it myself yet—I’ve just been focused on getting the hell away from it all.”
I ended with a shrug, bending to grab my duffel bag once more.
“Shall we?” he simply asked after a long moment, accepting my words at face value and deepening my gratitude for him.
A round of loud clapping sounded from the doors and we jerked apart, falling into defensive positions with ease. Niz growled from my shoulder, his entire body vibrating with palpable power and making my skin feel like tiny waves of electricity were rolling across me.
