When his hand shot out to hit me again, I dodged it and moved across the length of my bedroom, not willing to be pushed around because of his inability to control his temper. Unfortunately, the minute I turned to escape, his elbow caught me in the back and sent me flying forward and into my bedside table. I hit the side of my face near my right eye, and a whimper escaped my lips at the stinging pain that immediately blossomed. I had no doubt I’d cut something, and I could taste the blood from my teeth digging into my bottom lip, slicing through it.
“You disgust me,” he snarled, appearing right behind me and pulling my hair in a tight hold, yanking me from the ground. My skull felt like it was bursting into flames. I cried out, trying to fight away from his grasp, and I finally kicked back hard enough to collide with his leg. I fell forward onto the ground, and I laid there, crumpled and trying to collect myself. My head spun and black spots appeared in my vision from the harsh landing.
His heavy boot came down on my hand hard enough that I swore something crunched. When he spoke, it was in a venomous tone. “You are a worthless angel. I would’ve rather never had an heir than be burdened with one like you.”
I snapped my head up and spit the blood that welled in my mouth onto his shiny boot and the pant leg of his pristine, white uniform. He pulled the same foot back and kicked my ribs hardenough that I curled onto my side with a groan, leaving me unable to speak as I gasped for breath.I should have seen that coming. Fuck.
When he crouched down and grabbed my throat in a bruising grip, I was forced to hold his gaze and absorb the malice that rested there.
“Not another word, or I’ll crush your throat. I am officially done with you. You will leave my house by the time I come back tonight. I want every single trace of your presence removed. Before you fall, when your wings are ripped from your body, I want you to remember that this is all your fault. You have no one else to blame, Kieran.”
He released his hold on my neck, and I fell to the floor, gasping as the room narrowed into a tiny tunnel in my vision. Distantly, I heard the door slam shut and then another slamming door from further away, signaling that he had left the house entirely. Tears of pain and anger welled in my eyes as I laid there trying to process what just happened.
What…what the fuck just happened? I had experienced a lot of hatred from my father, including cruel words and excessive training that felt like punishment, but never anything like that. Maybe his bruising grip on my wrist yesterday should have been an indicator of what was to come, but a part of me hadn’t wanted to accept that. I could no longer deny that this was the monster that lurked beneath the surface.
Slowly rolling onto my side, I managed to push myself enough to stumble to standing, and I made my way slowly toward my bedroom door. Gripping the frame, I listened for signs of my father still being home, just to make sure. When I didn’t hear any, I went toward my parents' suite downstairs.
“Mom?” I called out to her, hoping she was home. My voice was barely a rasp because of the pressure he’d exerted on my throat. I didn’t expect her to do anything about what happened,but I needed her to see it…I couldn’t explain my feelings outside of that. Something told me I needed to find her and show her what happened.
When she didn’t respond, I pressed a hand to their bedroom door. It creaked open, and my eyes immediately located her form, passed out and in bed sleeping. I was surprised she hadn’t woken up, because the fight with my father had been anything but quiet. As I moved closer, using the bed for stability, I realized with shock that there was a reason she was sleeping so deeply.
She was recovering.
I saw bruises, both fresh and molted, as well as cuts, covering her bare arms. None of the wounds touched her face, though. The contrast was startling. I stared in shock, backing up and nearly falling over myself as I continued to look at her.
How long…how long had this been going on? How long had he been abusing her? Because after I just experienced, I knew he was responsible for this. I felt like my world was falling out from under me as I considered every single interaction between them, the way she never stood up to him, the mornings or days she would stay locked away in her room, how often she wore long sleeves and high collars…The abuse had been happening for a long time. Suddenly, the urge to throw up what little I’d managed to eat yesterday overtook me.
As I slowly made my way back to my room, I felt like I was moving in a haze. I closed my bedroom door and trailed to the bathroom and faced myself in the mirror. I gripped the counter as the reality of what he’d done to both of us set in. While the bruising hadn’t darkened yet, there was a cut right at the end of my brow that trailed down to my eye from the side table. The damage would result in a black eye if the swelling was any indication. My lip was cut open and bleeding, my tongue swollen from biting it, and I could feel the aches of bruising in both my neck and ribs from our fight. These injuries would be somuch worse than the ones on my wrist, which had turned purple overnight.
An emotional numbness slid over me, protecting me from the depths of what I was feeling. I turned on the shower and let out a shaky breath as I tried to focus on what I could control. One thought stood out to me more than any other, hitting me with clarity as I sank to sit beneath the hot stream of water.
I had to leave Alfemir. Immediately.
I never thoughtI’d have the courage to make the decision to leave everything I knew behind, but in the face of what my father had done to me—and the fact that I was damn sure he’d been punishing my mom for my failures for years now…Well, it was startlingly clear what my path forward had to be. I was going to leave tonight.
After collecting myself in the shower, and washing away the blood, I tried my best to cover some of the swelling and bruises that had already formed with a light amount of makeup. When I was done with that, I began to gather my belongings, packing some essentials in a duffel bag, while sequestering myself to my bedroom—not that anyone was around to notice whether I was moving around the house. My mom didn’t leave her room throughout the day, and as evening slowly approached, I finished my preparations. Despite my plan being simple, I knew I couldn’t afford to mess it up.
When night fell, before my father returned, I would leave the house and go to the portal where the fallen were sent to Earth after having their wings removed. I would cast myself down, willingly, and never look back. I would think of Gabe and hope that I ended up somewhere near him, like he said.
As I packed a picture of my mom and me as a final memento to bring along, I felt a stab of guilt about leaving her here with such an abusive bastard. I just had to hope that maybe if I wasn’t around to incite my father’s rage, the abuse would stop. Iknewshe wouldn’t leave with me. I didn’t need to ask her to know that, considering she’d stayed all these years already.
Sitting at my desk, I quickly drafted a letter to her, knowing that while I wouldn’t speak to her directly before leaving, I didn’t want to just disappear without a word. In her own way, she had tried to protect me. I knew that now.
I kept it simple. I didn’t tell her where I was going or what my plan was, instead explaining that I failed the placement test and that my father informed me I needed to leave their house. All of which was true. What I ended the letter with was for her eyes, and I desperately hoped that she’d burn it after reading, so there was no proof for him to find.
I hope you find a way out from his abuse. I faced it myself for the first time this morning, and I understand now what you’ve endured in silence all of these years. If you ever decide to leave, there will always be a spot for you with me, wherever I find myself.
I truly hoped that for her. I wouldn’t stay around to be part of his fucked up games, and I hoped one day she recognized that she deserved so much better than that as well.
Heading to their room, I heaved a shaky breath when I found her still sleeping. Gently pulling the covers up, I placed the letter on her chest before lowering it back around her shoulders. I looked around my home as I left her room, realizing this would be the last time I would ever be here. Oddly, I felt at peace with that knowledge, and with a nod, I walked toward the front door before making my way out of the house I’d spent my entire life in. I finally realized that just because I’d spent my entire lifehere didn’t mean it was my home. It was a place where I’d been provided shelter and necessities.
I’d make a true home for myself one day. One where laughter and love were the central heartbeat to it, not rage and pain.
I looked skyward at the stars nestled in the darkness before steeling myself for my path forward. Absolutely everything was about to change as I said goodbye to everything I'd known for the past twenty-three years.
I really hoped I was ready for what lay ahead.
KIERAN
