As his body fell forward, face smashing against the floor before going completely still, I stood stock still, heart hammering in my chest.
Was this truly over?
Chapter Nineteen
Kyella
Even in death, Barnabus somehow managed to look at peace.
That was the impression his familiar face left as I studied it through blurry eyes, my hand laying against his cheek as I knelt next to him. He had said he would pass in peace—that his brain would shut down following his body. While I wanted to believe him, his promises didn’t stop my heart from weighing heavily in my chest with the knowledge that he suffered at all.
A storm of emotions rolled over me, everything from guilt to heartbreak infected every part of me. While I had avenged Barnabus, but the heavy sense of loss and mourning that seemed to suffocate my very being wasn’t any less. The grief overwhelmed everything else as hot tears streamed down my face. Anger coiled within me, making me tremble as a sob nearly broke from my throat.
I would never again talk to Barnabus.
Everything around me seemed to exist within an odd, lulled state as I found myself frozen, unable to think or do anything beyond this moment. If I was to keep my promise I made to Myrin—one that Barnabus had sacrificed his life for—I had to move beyond my grief.
So why didn’t I have the strength to stand? The strength to leave him after everything that he’d done?
“Kyella!” Elijah’s voice echoed loudly as the door to the room slammed open.
“Fuck, where is she—” Dakath’s words cut off abruptly. My gaze was locked on Barnabus, and I swallowed thickly as I heard their rushed footsteps. A large shadow appeared across from me, and I found myself wondering what the room looked like to them.
My men were seeing everything from me hovering, grief-stricken over Barnabus, Lazarus’ corpse, and the bloodshed and carnage from Malakai’s slaughter. Somehow, his death now felt like it had happened a lifetime ago.
Kolvar crouched down and reached across Barnabus’ body, tilting my chin up and drawing my gaze away from my friend. A surge of anger washed through me as he pulled my eyes away from the old god’s corpse, and Kolvar’s eyes darkened with worry, brows furrowing as he studied my expression.
“Darling, are you okay?” Panic was evident in his voice, and I tried to steel myself. Desperately, I wanted to allow an icy sense of numbness to overrun my anger and heartbreak of the situation, so I could give them a proper answer.
“Malakai is dead,” I explained, my voice tinged with almost no emotion before my eyes flicked toward the other body. “Lazarus is dead.”
My hand gently laid on Barnabus’ chest as my throat became thick with emotion, “Barnabus…Barnabus is dead. They are all dead.”
“Who is Lazarus?” Elijah asked, coming to crouch down next to me, as Dakath’s hand came to rest on the back of my head in a gentle and comforting touch.
“Lazarus is an old god. Like Barnabus,” I drew out and swallowed, reciting my new knowledge. I shrugged their hands away, needing the space from the comforting touch I normally craved. I didn’t need comfort right now. I needed to stew in my fury. “He was influencing Malakai for some time, using him as a pawn to get what he wanted.”
After drawing a shaky breath, I continued, “He had been in love with my mother, and when she didn’t return his affections, he killed my birth father and her after I was born. On that day, he marked me with the Evathrina necklace and had Malakai bring me to this castle after I turned sixteen to keep me under a watchful gaze–saving me for himself one day.”
As those words left my mouth, a vicious sound fell from Elijah’s lips in reaction. “It doesn’t matter anymore, though. He’s dead,” I said before Elijah could speak.
Silence filled the space around us before Kolvar hedged, “You said Barnabus died as well, if that is Lazarus over there, is this…?”
“Barnabus?” I nodded. “After I killed Malakai and Lazarus appeared, Barnabus came to my aid. Lazarus was far stronger than either of us—he had the ability to use mind control, and he tried to turn Barnabus against me.”
“You had to defend yourself,” Dakath presumed, his voice gentler than I had ever heard it.
“Yes, but I didn’t kill him—Barnabus took an Evathrina flower and ingested it. He killed himself, so he couldn’t be used to hurt me.”
The silence that followed was heavy. Breaking the silence, I continued in an even softer voice, “He gave his life to save mine and gave me a chance to kill Lazarus. Barnabus had another flower, and I shoved it down the bastard’s throat and killed him. I couldn’t have done any of this without Barnabus, but…”
Kolvar’s voice was rough with emotion as he said, “Barnabus did that willingly, Kyella, because of how much he cared. You can’t put that guilt on yourself.”
Angry tears swarmed my eyes. “It’s not just guilt I feel, it's anger.”
Elijah pressed a kiss to the hand that he’d taken possession of, and the soft movement spurred me on. I knew if I gave into the comfort they were offering, I wouldn’t be able to do what I still needed to do.
“I can’t talk about this, not yet,” I murmured, hearing the distant sound of battle still going on outside. It was a blaring reminder that this battle wasn’t over—not yet. “I need to do something.”
