My jaw clenched, teeth grinding together as my hands tightened on the glass bottles. “Which one?”
Her eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, telling me without words that she wouldn't respond until I answered her.
This woman.She was infuriating, and yet I loved it. Her spine of steel—her ability to stand up for what she believed in and what she wanted—was one of the many small things that made Kyella the woman I admired and respected the most.
My nostrils flared as I forced myself to draw a deep breath, closing my eyes as I did. Counting back from five, I slowly let the air out of my lungs, chest slowly deflating until I got to zero.
“I can smell them on you, and I’m liable to lose my shit if I can’t wash away the blood and their stench from your skin and hair as soon as possible.” I admitted, glancing down at the bottles in my hand. A feeling of shame battered into me over the fact that I was having such an issue with this.
Before Kyella entered our lives, I prided myself on being stoic, always ready to handle any situation. My mantra had been that I ruled my emotions and not the other way around. But ever since this enchanting woman graced my presence, it was like I barely knew who I was anymore. The lack of control I’d shown was laughable in itself.
I wanted to be strong for her. I wanted to be the pillar she knew she could come to and trust. But why would she do that if she thought I would have a conniption and blow up whenever something bad happened?
Lost in my thoughts, I barely noticed as she slipped from the cabinet and grabbed one of the bottles from my hands. My eyes tracked her movements, shocked that she hadn’treallyresponded to my admission. Pouring the oil, she ran her hand around in the water to mix it together. After she was done with that, she crossed the few feet back to me and grabbed my hand, pulling it to rest on her chest.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
The strong beating of her heart thrummed against my palm as she asked, “Do you feel that? I’m here. I’m alive. I am okay. My experience with those vile men could never define the woman I am or the way I will live my life, just like I won’t allow my time with Malakai to dictate that either. The only person in charge of who I am is me, and I choose to let love and happiness lead at the forefront of my mind.”
I ruminated on her words, finding myself nodding in answer when I failed to find actual words to respond with. Was it possible that I was overthinking this, making this experience harder for her to heal and move on from?
All I wanted was to be sensitive to what she’d been through. I wanted to show that I wanted—no,needed—to care for her. But perhaps this whole time I’d been blind to the strength she possessed. Hell, it practically radiated from her as she met my eyes and let her tattered, blood-stained dress fall to the floor, leaving herself bare before me. Swiftly, she turned around and lowered herself into the tub, immediately dunking under the steaming surface and running her fingers through her hair.
It hit me then—the realization that this wasn’t my trauma, and I had no right to dictate how she healed or how she needed to act today. Simply because I thought she wouldn’t be ready for affection and touch, didn’t mean that was actually the case. The fact that I was brimming with rage and dying to pummel my hands into the faces of those who’d captured and harmed her until my knuckles cracked and bled on them, didn’t mean she was afraid of them or needed us to enact vengeance for her honor.
Guilt flooded me as the realization sank in that from the time I’d opened my eyes, finding her back with us, I’d been thinking about the situation entirely from my perspective.
“Fuck,” I hissed out seconds before her head surfaced above the water.
Grabbing the stool and supplies, I rested them on the vanity for easy reach as I settled in just behind where her head lay on the rim of the tub. Rubbing the scented lye soap into my hand, I rubbed it between my palms before reaching out to work it through her dark tresses.
A genuine smile tugged at my lips as she sighed deeply and tilted her head back.Thiswas what I needed to be doing—focusing on making her feel good in whatever way she wanted and allowing her the space to decide if she wanted to talk about what had occurred. Shoving my hatred and need to hurt Malakai and his men in the same way they’d hurt her deep, deep fucking down within me, I forced myself to be present in this moment for her.
After she’d rinsed out the soap, I repeated the process with the oil. While allowing that to set, I grabbed the sponge and lathered it with soap before gently running it along the skin exposed to me. Dragging it along her throat and shoulders, I offered it to her to continue with other areas. “Here you go, love.”
She didn’t take it, but instead turned to look at me out of the corner of her eye. “Why’d you stop?”
My mouth opened to answer, but almost instantly, I snapped it back shut, unsure of what to say.
“I want you to keep going,” she urged me, turning her head back around and sitting up out of the water, exposing more of her back to me.
Swallowing the desire bubbling within me, I ran the sponge over her back before dipping it down to the bottom of the tub and brushing it over every inch of her skin. As I pulled it up and reached for more soap to clean her arms and chest, I just barely heard her say, “With your hands.”
My eyes snapped shut with her request, and I inhaled sharply as my cock twitched at the idea of running my hands along her smooth, bare skin. Fighting the urge within me to say that this was too fast after what happened today, I put the sponge onto the counter and filled my hands with soap.
This isn’t about you, Elijah.
Of course I wanted to touch her soft skin. I wanted to learn the curves of her body and worship her for the beauty that she was. I could only hope that she didn’t think I was taking advantage of the situation.
Pausing with my hands around her in the air, I questioned, “Are you sure?”
Her hands emerged from the water, gripping my own and pulling them to rest flat against her collar bone, just above the swell of her breasts.
“Yes.”
