“And how could I have done that when I didn’t even know you were coming?”
I get to the edge of the fence and cross the road, popping up next to a bakery. Great. The scent of chocolate wafts through the air, and I will never admit to the way my cunt spasms at it.
“Dear, are you okay? You’re making a strange sound. Did you get a stitch in your side? You used to get those all the time when you were in college.”
“I’m— no. I’m fine. Sorry. There was a… bug. Um, hold on, I’m trying to figure out where I am.”
She starts yelling, wondering how I could be somewhere unknown if I wasn’t kidnapped, and I clearly have nothing to say about that for obvious reasons, so I continue to hmm and haw in good enough places until I get re-oriented and figure out where to turn to find the motel.
As soon as she sees me, I hang up and tuck the phone back into my pocket, far too many questions in my brain as she starts waving frantically, alerting anyone in the near vicinity that she knows me.
But she’s my mother. She immediately sees the ring on my finger and stares up at me with wide, blinking eyes. “What. Is. That? Isthatthe reason this town is growing on you? Devon Whitney! How dare you elope and not even tell me! Where is he?Where’s the man that finally got you to stop living the life of a troubadour?”
She starts looking through the air like he’ll magically materialize, and I’m half afraid he will, and half afraid he won’t. I don’t even know how to start explaining my relationship with…Chip. Fuck. I’m fucking married to a cup of hot chocolate. And he gives me the most intense orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life. Inappropriate time for me to accept that, methinks. “Why don’t we go and get something to eat and we can talk?”
It’s not long before we’re sitting opposite each other at a squeaky vinyl booth at the town diner, a plate of onion rings between us. It’s very difficult to ignore the fact that she said she was craving hot chocolate and ordered the largest one they had, topped with an insane number of sprinkles, claiming that the cold mountain air required it. She was appalled I ordered nothing but water, but how the hell do I tell her that drinking anything else feels like being unfaithful?
Maybe I order a side of sprinkles to go so Chip and I can get freaky later, but that’s between me and whatever gods take responsibility for us… and everyone else in the diner. One older lady in the booth behind us starts choking on her food when I ask for them, clearly already knowing what my plans for them are. She can mind her own damn business.
“So. You’re married. Thatisa wedding band, right? Not some souvenir you picked up somewhere and insisted on sliding on that particular finger for no apparent reason?” She takes a noisy slurp of chocolate and it puts me in such an uncomfortable position.
“I…it wasn’t planned?”
“Oh my god. Are you pregnant? Because you know I’d never push you to get married just because you fell pregnant.”
“Mom. Why would you say it like that? No, I’m not pregnant. He’s…well, he was a surprise, that’s for sure.”
I must space out for a minute, because before I know it, she’s snapping in front of my face, breaking me out of my floaty headspace. “Well? Where is he? Is he at work or something?”
The bell over the door chimes and without even turning to look, I already know who I’ll see. The tingles on the back of my neck are too strong and too attuned to his every breath.
When Chip reaches my table, he smiles down at me like he’s been waiting weeks to see me smile at him, leaning over to kiss me like he’s desperate for it. “You left the cabin, I had to come see where my beautiful bride wandered to. And who’s this lovely lady with your eyes? Hello, I’m Chip.”
He reaches out a very human, very non-chocolate hand for my mother to shake, and her eyes are practically bugging out of her head. But like, so are mine. Because the chocolate version of Chip I was with earlier seems to have been entirely replaced by one made of skin and bones, and actual hair; I know, what a novelty!
“How—” I start to ask him, but he just winks at me, sliding into the booth right next to me so he can collect my hand and place it against his mouth while his other hand wraps around my shoulders.
“Later,”he mouths.
We both turn to my mother at the same time, who’s still gaping at me, but looking so damn happy that I decide to just go with the flow. “Mom, this is Chip. My…husband. Yep. That.”
He snorts, sliding me a cup of chocolate that definitely wasn’t there a moment ago. Luckily, my mother has no idea how wildly scandalous me drinking it is. “This is the best surprise, Devon.I’m not even upset we can’t be depressed and alone together for the holidays! You’re absolutely glowing! I’m…I’m at a loss for words. When did this happen? And when were you going to tell me?”
“I apologize, ma’am.”
“It’s Brenda.”
“Brenda,” Chip says with warm crinkles around his eyes. “She came into town, and I knew instantly I belonged with her. It was almost like magic. It took a little bit to get her to see my viewpoint, but we tied the knot just yesterday inside our home. I gave her this ring, handmade of course, and we’ve been living in bliss ever since.”
“Ever since…yesterday? Right. Um…this is so unexpected, Devon. But then again, you’ve always been such a free spirit.” She looks me up and down as best she’s able to from our booth, staring into my fucking soul to find the lie, but I get distracted by a piece of dark hair that falls onto Chip’s forehead, and I can’t help but to reach for it so I can feel the texture of it. It’s so different than it was before.
“Well it appears you’ve finally found something worth setting down roots for. I’m happy for you, Devon.”
I blink out of my clichéd daze and turn back to my mother. “You’re not upset with me? For not including you?”
“I mean, it would have been nice to see you get all dressed up and walk down some sort of aisle, but I’ve always known that wasn’t for you. You don’t always do things the traditional way, and I don’t think I ever expected you to have a traditional wedding. I actually am not entirely surprised. You hardly ever had a serious relationship in your life, and I just knew that one day, you’d meet someone perfect for you, and they’d sweep you off your feet and you’d just go all in. It suits you.”
I relax into Chip’s side. “Thank you, Mom. It's obviously very new, but I'm happy.”
