Sage went very still, her eyes snapping open but looking unfocused, distant.
“She’s here,” she whispered. “She clearly heard you.”
My heart leapt. “You can see her properly this time? What does she say? What should I do?”
Sage shook her head and put her finger to her lips.
I glanced at Katy, who was sat bolt upright, a terrified look on her face. She’d told me she was drawn to these sessions, but she found them mildly disturbing, just thinking that Mum and Gran were in the same room.
Sage held up a finger. “She says that you have to look after yourself first.”
“I get that,” I replied. “But things have happened now. What do I do about them?”
There was a long pause. Sage’s eyes seemed to be tracking something I couldn’t see, and the jasmine scent grew stronger.
“She says go with your gut. Trust your instincts, they won’t lead you astray. And...” Sage paused, tilting her head as if listening. “She says you can never disappoint her, whatever you choose to do.”
Before I knew it was happening, tears streamed down my face, but they felt different from the devastated sobs I’d been fighting all afternoon. These felt cleaner, somehow, like theywere washing away the confusion and self-doubt. Deep down, I did know what to do. I’d just been afraid to do it.
“Is she still here?”
Sage nodded slowly. “She’s with your Gran. She’s hugging her.”
When I looked up, Katy was crying, too.
“Can you tell them both I love them and I miss them?” I told Sage.
The candles stopped flickering. The jasmine scent began to fade. Sage blinked several times, coming back to herself.
“You don’t have to tell them that. They know it already.” She paused. “Wow, that was a strong signal. They wanted to come through. They did, loud and clear. Did it help?”
I wiped my eyes, feeling steadier than I had since finding that email. “It really did. If nothing else, there’s not much that’ll take your mind off your problems than a visit from the afterlife.”
Katy shoved me and Sage to our right, then slipped in beside me on the sofa and hugged me tight. “I’m scared shitless but also a blubbering mess. I always thought ghosts were out to get you until they turn out to be your family.”
“Most spirits aren’t out to harm you. They just want to exist peacefully, and help their loved ones,” Sage told her.
I thought about Eliza’s face when she told me she was falling for me. About the way she’d pulled away of late. About her saying she wanted to run away from it all.
Even though she’d betrayed me, pieces of the puzzle still lay scattered, refusing to fit together. Because beneath all the evidence, beneath the cold reality of what she’d done, something in me rebelled against the simple narrative.
I knew what I’d felt when we were in bed together: the way her breathing changed when I touched her, the way she’d cried out my name. You couldn’t fake that kind of vulnerability, could you?
“I think,” I said slowly, “I need to confront Eliza before I decide what to do next.”
Katy jumped up and came back with her car keys. “Take my car. I can collect it from you tomorrow when the girls are at nursery. Or do you want me to drive?”
I shook my head, but took her keys. “Thank you, but no. This is something I have to do myself.”
Because whatever game she’d been playing, whatever instructions she’d been following, the woman I’d been with in Switzerland had been real. I was sure of it. And if there was even a chance that her feelings had been genuine, that maybe she’d been caught between her job and her heart?
I owed it to both of us to find out the truth.
CHAPTER 34
The drive to Max’s house was like travelling towards my own execution. I nearly turned the car around twice, until I persuaded myself it was better to know the truth than live in ignorance. I wasn’t sure if I believed it, but my foot stayed on the accelerator.
The email sat folded in my passenger seat like evidence of a crime. Which, in a way, it was. I put the radio on, but even Radio Six’s lunchtime show didn’t soothe me.
