But something Chad heard had him spinning around to stare at me, wonder in his expression.
“Sorry,” he says quickly. “You, uh, didn’t tell me what to put in your coffee.”
He’s been standing over there for several minutes with Carlie, Ava, and Gabriella—none of them even pretending to talk to each other anymore. I don’t believe for a second he’sjust nowwondering what I want in my coffee.
“Lots of creamer and sugar. And do I see caramel syrup over there?” I stretch in my seat to eye the lineup of syrups for the hot chocolate bar.
“Sure is.” He spins around and busies himself.
I watch him. I want to discuss what he sees for us in the future, even if I’m afraid that he’s not ready for a relationship so soon after Shelby left. Unlike Malcolm, I don’t want to do it with Carlie, Ava, and Gabriella looking on. It will be torture to wait until after the game and the big dinner Law has planned for all of us.
“Ivy?” Malcolm pulls my attention away from where Chad’s pouring creamer quite generously into the large mug of coffee.
I turn back to Malcolm. “Yeah. Sorry.”
He scoots to the edge of his seat, getting closer. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the right relationships too,” he says. “About how I had the best one ever and I let it slip through my fingers.”
I blink in shock. What?
Okay, this is not about things not being awkward. Is Malcolm actually going here? Regret that we broke up? Second chances?
“I …” I don’t know what to say. “I know your mom put a lot of pressure on you when it came to who you eventually marry. I don’t blame you for that.”
He furrows his eyebrows. “My mom?” He sits up, understanding dawning. “You thought my mom disapproved?”
My turn to stare in confusion. “She … didn’t?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe?” He looks down at his feet. “Ivy, I couldn’t propose because I thought you dated Law in college, and I couldn’t get past it.”
My jaw drops. I hear at least one gasp from behind us. My gaze darts to Carlie. Law will not like Malcolm insinuating something like that to her. Our friendship almost ruined their relationship last spring.
But Carlie’s expression doesn’t hold surprise. Somehow she already knew this, and the way her lips are pressed together in disapproval as she glares at Malcolm says she knows it’s not true.
“Why would you ever believe that? Law and I—we wereonly ever friends. Nevernevermore.” It’s possible I emphasize that more than I need to so Carlie knows for sure. I mentally gag. I love Law—like abrother. There’s a reason we never dated. The chemistry was never there. Thinking about kissing him or something … again, mental gag.
And yet, it’s been something that many people couldn’t understand about our relationship. How we could be as close as we are but not have feelings for each other.
“If you had just asked …” I start.
Malcolm doesn’t look up from his feet. “I didn’t think I needed to. I thought I knew the truth. And then Law confronted me when I came to visit last summer and told me … I scoured both your socials for weeks, thinking he was protecting you or something …”
This doesn’t make it better. I narrow my eyes. “You couldn’t even believe Law?” He distrusted methatmuch?—
I stop the thoughts.
His words are upending me, but I don’t need to go back there. I’ve already grieved Malcolm’s loss and the loss of what I thought was the love of my life. Grieved the love we shared that wasn’t enough. I’ve spent pages and pages of journals exploring the feelings around Malcolm allowing his mom to dictate our happiness, on the red flags I’d finally seen in how despite how much we loved each other, he couldn’t commit because of her.
And all of it is still true in a way, but it’s Law that held him back? An assumption that wasn’t true.
Trust he could never give me.
Malcolm huffs. “I had to be right, Ivy. Don’t you see? Because otherwise I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me.” He raises his gaze to spear me with an intense look that’s pained and regretful. “I never stopped loving you, Ivy. I just thought I had to let you go. I’d give anything to fix that.”
I can’t stop gaping at him. I spent three years of my life waiting for the moment that Malcolm would overcome his fearsand see the amazing life we had in front of us. Waiting for him to come to this exact moment.
I blink and lift my eyes to meet Chad’s. He’s staring openly too, but at me. His gaze is steady, sure, and grounding. “Here’s your coffee,” he says, stepping away from the table, rounding the chairs and handing it to me, giving me the opportunity not to deal with the bomb that Malcolm dropped in my lap. Then Chad stays by my chair. His attention goes to the field below, where the teams are lining up for the kickoff.
He doesn’t move.
