Instead, Noah forced himself to control his breathing. There was no running from this. He would do what had to be done. He always had.
Alone.
* * *
“What’s going on?” Theo commanded Erin with less than three days till the Firefighter Ball.
“Everything’s fine.”
“Right.” They’d dropped a chest pain patient off at MetroGen and were heading back to 13. “About this quiet thing?”
“I don’t have a quiet thing.” Erin’s answer was short and clipped.
“Usually, you’d have a bigger reaction about Aiden making up with Soto and Luna on Christmas. You worked continuously since Christmas Eve. Everyone is else going to the Ball tomorrow, including Carver.”
“See, the gang’s all fine. You won’t even miss me.”
“Meeting Han instead?”
Erin couldn’t help the funny noise she made in the back of her throat.
“Oh, Han is the problem. Weird how you haven’t mentioned him lately and volunteered to work so much overtime. Did you two break up?”
She said, “I dumped him. It got complicated.”
“Complicated?” Theo thought for a couple minutes. “You were so into him you practically disappeared.”
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a relationship?” Erin now felt guilty for ignoring her friends.
“Most people date for months to find out if they have enough feelings toward another person for a relationship. You and Han decided in a weekend.” He paused, then asked, “What was your longest relationship before Han Solo?”
“Umm, I had six months in a long distance one. A few lasted three or four months. They always kind of ended. I lost interest, they lost interest, a job opens up somewhere.”
“Why did you dump Han?”
“Because he’s a cold-hearted bastard who doesn’t understand my team. He thinks… he thinks I’m better off at 13 than I was at 15. Kwon offered me the option of staying at 13,” Erin admitted, finally getting part of the secrets off her chest.
Theo took it in stride. “I know. She offered me the same thing.”
“She did?” Erin was surprised.
Theo wasn’t. “Everyone got offers. Luna and Aiden at HQ, Carver at 55, and Nessa and Kevin at 19.”
“No one told me. Is it because I couldn’t handle it?” Now she hurt for a new reason. Her team had hidden things from her. Ridiculous, because she hid Noah, who hid things from her.
Theo shook his head. “No, it’s because you could. Your wife wasn’t admitted to the psych ward. You didn’t get PTSD or destroy another fire truck. You’re not the roommate and best friend of either of those two people. You didn’t try to replace your dead husband by pushing someone to move in with you. You’ll do great with whatever team you’re on.”
“But I want MY team!” she protested.
“Don’t kid yourself. We’ve been struggling for a year, and we were lucky it didn’t happen sooner.” Theo paused. “I think this 13 transfer showed you that you don’t know Han very well.”
“I knew him!”
“Did you? People mistake ‘feeling’ for ‘knowing’ all the time,” Theo told her.
“’Knowing’? You haven’t even mentioned love.” Erin had no idea where this was going.
“I didn’t think I had to. The movie always ends with the ‘I love you.’ He’s holding the boombox outside of her room, and they ride off into the sunset. You never hear they broke up a week later when she wanted an East Coast school and he wanted West Coast. The thing that makes love lasting and true is knowing another person. You feel for them, but do youknowthem, the good, the bad, and the ugly, in your heart of hearts.”
