“I do.She wasn’t my love, but I was your best friend. When you had the bit in your teeth, you could be reckless. Alexandria knew it. She asked me—made me promise—to protect you.”
“She didn’t!”
“She did. She had me promise to protect you because she loved you.”
“I hate you! I hate you! You refuse to let me die! Twice you’ve done this to me!” Jacen extend his left hand, revealing his wrist, usually covered by his large utility watch. The long faint scar over his radial artery accused Noah more than Jacen’s words.
The events of five years ago, mirrored in the plight of Aiden Clarke, filled the room. Noah grabbed Jacen’s hand, not allowing him to turn away. “And I would do it again, every time. I will never give up on you. I can’t bring Dre back, but can’t this be enough? Twenty years ago, we made a pact that we would never let it happen again. We would save lives. We would save the world.”
“No one can save the world. Sometimes we can’t even save one person.” Jacen’s eyes were bright with unshed tears.
“I don’t believe that. I… I can’t believe that. You may hate me forever, but you are a good person and a damn good firefighter. If you opened yourself up, even a little bit, to your firehouse, they’d embrace you. You could save so many.” Noah pleaded. Jacen was going to the place Noah had desperately tried bringing him back from five years ago.
“Yes, a broken leg, pelvis, and ribs makes me excellent material for firefighting.”
“Bones heal. Even if they don’t, I can always use a sharp mind like yours elsewhere in the department. Not every problem can be solved by chopping down a door. The department needs people like you in any capacity.” Noah willed his friend to crack the door, even a single millimeter.
“Always the department. The choices you made, the things you did to get ahead… how do you sleep at night?”
Noah dropped Jacen’s hand. He shouldn’t have expected anything else. “I do what is necessary. I sleep just fine.”
“I’m sure you do.”
“You may never believe me, but I do care. I care for you, I care for my firefighters, and…” Noah stopped himself. He’d almost mentioned Erin. “You know what, Jacen? I’m done trying to convince you. Either you want to come back after you’re healed, or you don’t. Make your own choices. I’ve made mine.”
He brushed himself off and walked back to the door. “Enjoy the turkey. It’s better than anything you could make yourself on your best day.”
Noah was almost out the door when he heard Jacen’s final words. “Thank you, Noah.”
Rather than turn back, Noah kept walking. He couldn’t control the past or change Jacen. Maybe this would be enough, maybe it wouldn’t. One way or another, it wasn’t Noah’s choice.
Noah had made peace with his choices long ago. When it came to the department, he’d used any tactic necessary to save as many lives as possible. Whatever the price, he’d always paid it without question, holding nothing back for himself.
Until Erin. His one selfish indulgence, the only concession he’d ever made.
And he had no intention of missing it.
Chapter 38
Every mile Erin drove away from Vanessa’s apartment raised her spirits. Her team would be okay; they would work this out. Everything was in the open. Technically, everything other than her small thing she was doing with Noah, but that didn’t directly affect the team. And she selfishly wanted to keep that to herself.
Her team was her family, but her relationship with Noah was intense and private. Never had she imagined she could feel this way about anyone. It was nothing like her parents even before they’d divorced.
Her new Jeep handled the roads without difficulty. She went westward and found herself in a West Side neighborhood outside of her price range. The address led her to a nicely appointed ranch. Someone had shoveled the walk and the sidewalk around it, though the yard was untouched.
She got out and knocked on the door.
Noah let her in, beaming. Erin’s heart did that weird thing again. “You made it!”
“Of course, I made it,” Erin said. “And I…”
She opened and closed her mouth. There was so much she could say. Tell him about the disaster Not-Thanksgiving or how she’d delivered the tongue-lashing Soto needed. Or shout out her growing feelings for him in the midst of the meltdown on her team.
As if he simply understood, Noah pulled her into a long hug. Erin didn’t resist. The two days had been overwhelming in a myriad of ways. Yet here they were, holding each other, nurturing this whatever it was between them.
He grunted when her bag dropped on his foot. It was her overnight duffel and a brown bag with a bow tied around it. “What’s in the bag? Thanksgiving present?”
Now that they weren’t hugging, Erin found herself blushing. “It’s coconut oil.”
