There wasn’t a traditional funeral. They were, instead, planning a celebration for what should have been his birthday in a few weeks. Today was simply a graveside service, and what was supposed to be a small gathering at the family’s restaurant afterward.
More people than expected were in attendance. Rome had made an impact on the world that I had never quite understood the gravity of. Every person here recognized the light he had held within. They had all come, wanting to honor his life and his legacy. It ranged from old army buddies to school classmates, and there was even a group of women that I couldn’t help but assume were his scorned lovers that he used to joke about.
It had rained last night, leaving dew on top of the grass surrounding us. It was seeping through my pantyhose and into my skin, chilling me from the outside in. Not that it mattered anymore. All the warmth had left me when Rome did.
I was angry with him. Which was ridiculous, but it was better than the never-ending grief that was drowning me each day. I was angry that he had shown me how good life could be, how to add color back to my black and white world. He had shown me happiness, and then disappeared… taking all of the color with him.
Alexandra sat on one side of me and Malachi on the other, dressed in his army blues… his hand clasped in mine. We were the outsiders here, sitting next to Rome’s family. Malachi’s wife couldn’t come as their newborn baby was too young to fly, but she had shipped his clothes for the funeral, along with photos of him and Rome to share with the family. I had gone through each and every one, memorizing these little glimpses of Rome throughout his years in the Army. It was the years that Rome didn’t talk about because of his PTSD. But, discussing them with Malachi had given me the chance to finally learn something new about him.
Malachi wasn’t much of a talker—the exact opposite of Rome—but I could see why they were best friends. They balanced each other. It was humorous how similar Malachi and I were. Rome would have called us ‘grumpy assholes’.
Malachi was processing his own grief, accepting that his best friend was gone before they were able to fully mend the rift between them.
He was helping with the nightmares. I hadn’t left the Romano’s, still sleeping in Rome’s bed every night, always wearing his clothes because it made it hurt a little less. Not that I slept. My nights were bombarded by images of Rome and the pain he must have suffered in those final moments. With where Andi said he was hit, his death wasn’t immediate. He had lain there… alone, bleeding out, wondering if we were coming.
I had hope that he knew how hard we were looking for him, how we still hadn’t given up.
It was those nightmares that had me waking up in screams most nights. Malachi, who had started by sleeping on Lucia’s couch, had moved to Rome’s floor to help snap me back into reality.
I wasn’t sure if my dad was behind Rome’s death, though that was the most likely scenario, but if he was, he had gotten away with it. The police had interviewed him and were still investigating, but they had no evidence to charge him officially. Without Rome’s body, every investigation was at a standstill.
I had a private team looking into it, the police were looking into it, as was Malachi, but no one could find the answers we so desperately needed.
I hadn’t spoken to my father since. I couldn’t face him, knowing he was probably getting away with murder. It had been weeks of expertly avoiding him, though it wasn't too difficult. I hadn’t been to work since that fateful day. I couldn’t think about spreadsheets and stocks while mourning the man who made life worth living. Our stocks were tanking due to reported instability. My probationary period was up in just a couple of weeks, and I didn’t care what the board decided. None of it mattered anymore.
The army taps played through the cool air, harmonized by the sounds of tears and heartache from all those who had loved Rome.
The flag was folded with expert precision, each movement solidifying this new reality. A reality without Rome Cipriani. It was finally handed off to Lucia, who collapsed onto the flag as she held it tightly to her chest.
She had already cleared off the mantle where she had picked out a spot for it. It would live beside Rome’s father’s flag… the one he had kept in his bedroom. The two would be a testament to Rome’s life that he had dedicated to his father. She wanted itto be seen and to be remembered. Rome’s life may have ended… but his legacy had not.
Malachi squeezed my hand and helped me stand. I hadn’t been fully cognizant of my surroundings for weeks, lost in my own world. The only times I felt truly present were when I was helping Malachi and Mateo comb through Rome’s finances. There I could be useful. My undergraduate degree was in accounting, and I had spent years as a CFO. Helping with the finances gave me a sense of control.
Rome had been sending most of his paycheck to his mother over the years. It was helping to support his family, helping with the bills when things at the restaurant got tight, and building interest in trusts he had set up for each of his sisters. I had added hefty sums into each, wanting to do anything I could to help his family, like they had helped me.
It was my fault he was gone. If he had never gotten involved in my life, if I hadn’t agreed to the stupid fake relationship, and if I hadn’t fallen in love with him, he would still be alive. He would be here with his family, spreading his light to the rest of the world. As he should be.
Alexandra, Malachi, and I walked side by side to one of the many cars that had driven everyone from the restaurant to the cemetery for the service. We were supposed to go back, to continue his celebration of life.
I tugged them to a stop as the crowd moved past us, “I don’t want to go.”
“To the restaurant?” Alexandra asked, and I nodded.
Malachi nodded, “Where do you want to go?”
“Hey,” Will called as he came to my side. He hadn’t left sincethatday. Jackie had flown out for a few weeks, but had to get back home to work. Will was planning to stay for a few more weeks. He was worried about leaving me.
“We’re going to Mom’s,” I explained. “I need a break from all of this.”
Will glanced between Malachi and Alexandra as they exchanged worried looks, but eventually acquiesced.
It was a long, silent drive through the city to the Upper East Side. I hadn’t been to my mom’s since the night Rome had kissed me for the first time. I had been panicking for no good reason, terrified of my feelings for him. With one kiss, he had silenced it all. Thinking back to that night, the worry and fear felt meaningless.
The buildings zoomed past our windows in a blur. The city that had been my home for so long was unfamiliar to me now. It felt empty, despite the millions of people. Maybe my life would always feel this empty.
“Bec,” Malachi called from the front seat.
“Huh?” I asked.
