ChapterEighteen
Willow
The last place a hugely pregnant woman two days past her due date needed to be was a crowded room. It felt like I was constantly bumping into somebody every time I turned around, and I was horribly self-conscious, feeling as though everyone was staring at me
And who could blame them? I looked like a parade float that was about to pop and burst into one million pieces. I’d hope to be able to wear one of my cute spring maternity outfits today, something I’d splurged on a few weeks back. It was a long, short-sleeved shirt over a skirt that hit above my knees—cute, but also a little dressy. But when I had tried to put it on this morning, the skirt wouldn’t fit over my belly. So with a sigh, I’d turn to a dress that had absolutely no shape or style. It looked like a circus tent, but at least I didn’t have to worry about an ill-timed wardrobe malfunction.
“Do you see Dean anywhere?” My mother stood on her tiptoes. The entire room, one of the large event spaces in an academic building, was wall-to-wall newly graduated almost-officers and their proud families and friends.
I had had some severe misgivings about coming today. Truth be told, I had wavered back and forth on whether or not to even attend Dean’s graduation at Michie Stadium. After all, I’d reasoned, he wouldn’t know if I were there or not; the crowd watching was so large, and immediately after graduating, the class was shuffled off to the barracks for one last wardrobe change. Along with the rest of his classmates, Dean would shed his cadet gray to put on an army green uniform.
In the end, though, my mother had talked me into going with her to the graduation. My father sat with the rest of the athletic staff, but Mom and I had seats with cadet families, including a number of girlfriends and fiancées. They were all so young and excited, dressed in their cute little dresses, none of them at all worried about whether or not it would take a crane to get them out of their seat. The stadium chairs were grossly uncomfortable, especially for somebody who was north of nine months pregnant. But I made it through, and I even managed to avoid crying, although I’d come close to losing it when my mother had pulled out her handkerchief and began sniffling.
I definitely would not have attended the commissioning ceremony were it not for that late-night text from Dean, asking me to be the one to pin on his bars. I’d already been asleep for a few hours when the text had come in, but since its arrival had coincided with one of my many trips to the bathroom, I’d read it while sitting on the edge of my bed.
And then I began to cry, because it seemed to be my go-to reaction to anything these days, whether it was a broken nail, a burnt piece of toast, or the imminent departure of the man I loved.
I hadn’t answered him that night, but the next morning at breakfast, my father had announced to my mother that Dean had also asked him to pin on one of his bars, adding that apparently, he’d wanted me to do the other side. It seemed that the decision was out of my hands, and rather than get into a lengthy conversation with my parents about why I didn’t want to be part of the ceremony, I had sent Dean a simple text response.
Yes, I’ll do it. I’ll be there.
That was why I was currently in a room that was several degrees above what I considered a comfortable temperature, trying not to tip over or knock down any small children with my massive stomach.
“There he is!“ My father, his height giving him an advantage in the crowd, pointed to the far side of the room. “I see his company. They haven’t started yet, but we should probably get over there.”
Dad took point, wading through the crowd and pushing people aside to make room for Mom and me. We made it to the corner where Dean’s company had gathered just as the former cadets stepped up onto the risers for their final company photo.
I spotted Dean right away, standing stiff with squared shoulders in his new uniform. He looked like a stranger, as though somehow, he’d morphed into a totally different person between the time I had seen him last and now. And while the rest of his company seemed positively giddy, Dean was serious, somber even. His eyes were searching the crowd, and with a plunging heart, I realize that he must’ve been afraid that Dad and I weren’t coming. Was he worried that I had gone into labor? Or did he fear that I’d simply changed my mind?
I could tell the moment he spotted us though. His whole face lit up, and he offered us just the tiniest twitch of a smile. After that, while he still didn’t seem as relaxed and joyful as his friends, at least he didn’t look quite so stiff.
“I cannot even believe that this day is here” A pretty young woman with curly black hair stood next to me, talking with two other girls. “I mean, has this been the longest four years of our lives or what??”
One of her friends, a diminutive blonde with an adorable pixie cut, nodded vigorously. “And now we’re getting ready to start the next part of our lives. Can you believe we’re all going to be army wives within a matter of weeks?”
“Some of us within a matter of hours,” the first girl giggled. “I’m hoping that Matthew is one of the first ones commissioned, because once I get those bars on him, I amoutof here! My mother practically needed a tranquilizer, she’s so worried that I’m not going to make it to the Chapel on time.”
I eased away from the group of them, feeling like an alien. It didn’t seem like that long ago that I’d been those girls: young, dressed cute, and poised on the edge of a life that I couldn’t wait to experience. Even though none of them were probably more than a year younger than me, I felt ancient compared to them.
As the ceremony began in earnest, I scanned the rest of Dean’s company. They all had such promise. They were getting ready to leave this mountain haven and go off to live and die defending our country. They were taking with them young women like those I’d overheard, and together, they would lead magical lives. They’d have their happily ever after as they traveled from army post to army post abroad and at home.
I knew I was being ridiculous. Of course, nobody led that sort of trouble-free life, and a military family had challenges I couldn’t even fathom. But as hard as I tried to be positive, today it was a struggle. I was hot, tired, and more than a little achy from the uncomfortable stadium seat and from being on my feet. I was about to say goodbye to Dean, and I didn’t know when I’d see him again. It made me irrationally envious of anyone who wasn’t me.
I’d promised myself since I was a little girl that if and when I got married and settled down, it wouldn’t be with a man whose job would force us to move every few years, like my father’s had. In light of that, I should’ve been looking at these women with a little bit of condescension and distain. But strangely, I found myself envying their bright-eyed enthusiasm.
The beginning part of the ceremony ended quickly, and one by one, members of the company stepped forward to receive their bars. Dean’s turn came right in the middle. As he stepped down from the riser, Dad and I walked forward. I heard a faint buzzing behind us, and I hesitated, feeling my cheeks go hot. Were all those other families back there whispering about the guy who was having the massively pregnant woman put on his bars? Were they wondering if I was perhaps a sister, or some other family connection? Or did they all know or suspect the truth?
My father cupped my elbow firmly to steer me forward. I caught Dean’s eye, and looking at him, all of my self-consciousness dropped away. What the hell did I care if they all wanted to whisper about me or speculate about my connection to Dean today? It was none of their damn business. I was here to support my friend, to stand with him on one of the biggest days of his life. I gave him a huge smile as I moved to his left side. Dad managed to attach the bars, but Dean had to dip his knees so that I could reach his shoulder. My fingers shook just a little, but on my second attempt, I was successful.
I was about to step away when a man with a camera stopped me.
“Pose for a commemorative picture with your cadet!” he intoned, pointing at Dean and gesturing for me to go back. I glanced over my shoulder, wondering if Dean really wanted this moment to be captured for all of posterity. His smile was wider than ever, and he held out his hand. Dad resumed his place, and Dean slipped his arm around my waist – at least, as far as he could get it. After the picture was taken, he leaned down to whisper in my ear.
“Thank you, Willow. Thank you so much. For everything.”
Those damn pesky tears burned at the back of my eyes again, but I managed to nod mutely and step away before anyone could see them.
* * *
