A tiny fissure of relief mixed strangely with regret raced through my body. “Thank you, ma’am,” I said hoarsely.
“But listen to me.” Mrs. Casey’s voice was suddenly icy and determined, not unlike that of her daughter’s a few moments before. “You need to make sure that you understand what you want. In a matter of months, my daughter is going to give birth to your child. Whether she keeps the baby or gives her to another couple to raise, she’s going to be more vulnerable than she ever has been in her entire life. You need to be absolutely sure about your feelings and your intentions. This is grown-up stuff, Dean. You can’t play around with being a father when it’s convenient for you. You can’t offer Willow your heart if you’re not sure that you’re absolutely willing to give up everything for her and for your child, your baby. Don’t make her promises that you’re not positive you can keep. And that includes promises that you don’t say out loud—” She smiled thinly. “Raising Willow’s hopes for something that you’re not going to be able to deliver would be unforgiveable.”
I nodded numbly. “Yes, ma’am.”
Somewhere else in the house, a door opened and closed, and I heard Coach’s voice call out for his wife. Mrs. Casey inclined her head toward me.
“You should probably head back to the barracks now, Dean. Rest assured that your secret is safe with me, and remember everything I’ve said.” Her tone softened a bit. “And Dean, I’m here if you need a listening ear. I understand that this must also be difficult for you, and if you don’t have anyone else in whom to confide, I can be that for you.”
I stood up. “Thank you, ma’am. I’ll try to remember that.” Almost without my thinking about it, my hands curled into fists. “I want you to know, ma’am, that I will never do anything to hurt Willow. I never could.”
Mrs. Casey sighed. “I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose Dean. But…” She shook her head. “Some sins are intentional, and others are made in the name of doing the right thing. You’re a young man who sees integrity as next to holiness. You would sacrifice your dreams on the sword of your honor. But my daughter doesn’t need that, or at least, she doesn’t needjustthat. She needs a man who will love her because he can’t live without her. Because he can’t imagine a world where she isn’t his, and his alone.” She tilted her head. “That’s all I wanted to say. Good night.”
“Good night,” I echoed and walked double-time to the front door, anxious to be out of the house before Coach appeared.
As I hurried through the night, heading to the barracks, everything that Mrs. Casey had said whirled in my mind like dust in a vacuum. And suddenly, I was less sure of the future than ever.
ChapterSixteen
Willow
“Ifinally found a season that I love up here at West Point.”
Sitting next to me in the side garden, where we were reclining in side-by-side lounge chairs, I felt Dean’s chuckle before I heard it.
“Well, it took a while for you to find one. But you’ve been through all of them now, I guess. And I’d have to agree with you: West Point does spring up right.”
“There for a while, it felt like winter was never going to end,” I commented. “I was pretty sure that the sky was going to stay gray forever. There were some days that I couldn’t tell where all the granite around here ended and the clouds began.” I stretched out my legs, pointing my toes, and lifted my face to the sunshine. “But now… it’s warm. The air is soft. And the flowers are blooming everywhere.”
“Yeah, there sure is a lot ofbloominggoing on.” There was a note of teasing in Dean’s voice, and he reached over to pat my enormous baby bump.
“I’m not sure if I feel like I’m blooming or about to burst,” I admitted. “Every time I think I’ve gotten as big as I can, I try to put on a pair of pants and find out that I’ve grown even more.” I caressed the side of my belly. “But that’s how it’s supposed to be. She’s growing and getting bigger and stronger every day.”
“And the best news is that the placenta moved,” Dean pointed out. “No more worry about a C-section.”
“That was a huge relief,” I agreed. “I wanted to hug the ultrasound tech after she told me that.”
“I don’t blame you.” Dean was quiet for a second. “I wish I’d been able to go with you to see the ultrasound.”
“And just how would you have explained that to Major Thomas?” I asked, one eye quirked. “You told me that your TAC officer was already more than a little suspicious about how much time you’ve been spending with me.”
Dean winced. “Yeah, I could kick myself for asking him all those, uh,hypotheticalquestions about cadets and pregnancy back last fall. Major Thomas has a long memory, and he’s not stupid. He’s asked me quite a few pointed questions . . . but as long as I’m not breaking any rules and no one is hitting me with a paternity suit, he won’t say anything. I’m pretty sure.”
“Which is why you can’t skip out on classes to come with me to appointments.” I softened my reminder with a smile. “I showed you the video on my phone.” I patted his hand, still resting on my stomach. “You didn’t miss anything.”
“Yeah, but still.” He flipped his hand over so that our palms were pressed together, and I threaded my fingers through his. Holding hands was something we did these days. We didn’t talk about it, and we didn’t go any further than that, but every time we were together, we ended up with our hands linked.
I was still careful about how we behaved together when my father or anyone else was around, but since my mother had confronted both of us—first Dean, and then the next morning, me—with her realization of the truth, I worried less around her. Although Mom hadn’t pushed Dean to give her the details on how we’d met—and conceived a child together—she hadn’t been so easy on me. I’d had to explain about the party, how we’d both wanted to leave, and Dean’s offer of a ride.
In the end, my mother only sighed. “I don’t know, Willow. I don’t necessarily approve of no-strings sex, but I’m not you, and you and Dean took all the precautions you could. If I’m going to fault you for anything, it’s for not trading names and numbers. As you’ve already figured out, even so-called safe sex has risks, and while yes, this pregnancy has been a game-changer, it could have been worse. What if one of you had an STD you didn’t know about? This could have been life or death.”
Mom wasn’t wrong, but at the end of our talk, I thought she was satisfied that I’d learned my lesson. She was absolutely right: I wasn’t planning on any more one-night stands, not for the rest of my life.
Having Mom in the know actually made everything a little easier. I could talk to her more openly, share some of my worries . . . and being able to confide in both Dean and my mother was a huge relief.
Today was almost a perfect day, I decided. Not only had spring arrived, but something had changed between Dean and me. Looking back, I could admit that we’d been growing closer all along, ever since he’d appeared at our front door back in October and asked me to go for a walk, but there was also no question that my medical scare in February had been a turning point. It seemed that after that, Dean couldn’t help touching me, reaching out more and more often to hold my hand or skim his fingers over my belly. A couple of times, I’d been certain that he was on the verge of kissing me before he pulled back.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about all of this. Late at night, when I lay in the dark and forced myself to brutal honesty, I acknowledged what I had known for a while: I was in love with Dean. Something had begun with us on that fateful night in Pennsylvania, and that had only grown after we’d reconnected here at West Point. And bysomethinggrowing, I meant more than just the baby who even now was performing somersaults on my bladder.
