I drove around aimlessly for over an hour before I realized that I was heading toward Harper Springs. On a whim, I turned toward Emma and Deacon’s cabin on the slim chance that they’d be home.
But there they were, both of them out in the garden, digging new rows and pulling up weeds.
“Noah!” Emma called out with a wide smile as she approached me. “Did you bring Alison and the baby?”
I shook my head. “No. Just me.”
Her smile faded as she saw my face. She and Deacon exchanged a long glance.
“Come up to the porch and sit down. We were about ready for a break anyway.”
I followed them in silence, climbed the few steps to the front porch, and sat in one of the rattan chairs. Emma curled up on the glider as Deacon informed us that he was going inside to bring us all some lemonade. The minute the door closed behind him, Emma turned to me.
“All right. What happened?”
I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. “I don’t know, Em. I . . . I guess I screwed it up. I thought we were okay, but I guess we’re not.”
“Oh, Noah.” There was such sadness in her voice. “Did you tell her that you love her?”
I jerked my head up to look at her. “How did you know?”
“You idiot. Everyone knows. The whole world knows. The only two clueless people are you and Alison.”
I sighed. “That sounds about right. But yeah, I told her that I love her. Right after she told me she wants me to get out. She said I should move back home.”
“Of course, she did, because she’s terrified that you’re going to leave her. Her response to that is to be the one who controls the situation so that when she’s alone, she can comfort herself that she made a smart choice.”
“You know, that’s almost exactly what I told her.” I nodded. “I said that she pushes people away. I told her that her need to protect herself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy about being always alone.”
“Noah, you didn’t!” Emma groaned. “Why did you say that?”
“Butyoujust said it!” I protested. “And it’s true.”
“Well, yeah, but it doesn’t mean you dump that on a woman who’s four weeks postpartum and just realizing she’s in love with her baby’s father. Jesus, Noah. You’re such a man.”
Deacon came out carrying a tray with a pitcher and three glasses. He set it down on the table and glanced at me. “Sounds like I made it back just in time to defend our gender.”
“Don’t bother,” Emma told him. “Noah’s a jackass, and if you take his side, you are, too.”
He held up both hands. “No one’s taking sides here. But I did hear enough to get the general sense of what’s going on.” He poured a glass of lemonade and passed it to me. “Noah, if you want a little free advice, I’m happy to share.”
I took a sip of my drink and shrugged. “It can’t be any worse than what I’ve already done, so go ahead. Lay it on me.”
“Okay.” He sat down on the glider next to Emma, rubbing one hand affectionately on his wife’s leg. “Some people need words. They need to hear exactly what their partner’s thinking and feeling. That’s what they believe—words.”
“Uh-huh. Got it. Angela was like that. She told me she wasn’t a mind-reader, she wanted to spell out everything.”
“Right. But some people, for whatever reason, find words suspect. Maybe in the past someone told them pretty lies and hurt them, and they learned not to trust what people say. But they need action. They need to be shown love and truth and trust. They need to see it over and over again before they’ll begin to believe.”
I nodded slowly. “And Alison, who grew up being shuttled from family to family . . . she learned that words were empty. Or they could be.” I remembered something. “When her foster mother died, Alison said something about how they’d never said the words. She knew they loved her, but she doesn’t remember any time when they said it. Instead, they showed it.” Understanding washed over me like a rogue wave. “Daneen and Lana knew this about Alison. They made their actions louder than words.”
“Possibly,” Deacon agreed.
“And I know what I need to do,” I said as it all clicked into place. “My mother said it before—actually, she said it right here on this porch.”
Emma smiled. “This porch is a special place. Lots of truth is spoken here.”
“I have to prove to Alison every day that I’m not leaving. I have to prove my love by being with her, by not letting her push me away. She sees even the slightest—oh, shit.” I let my head drop back. “I just remembered something. Before the baby was born, Alison and I were sleeping in the same bed—” My face went red as Emma raised one eyebrow. “Anyway, when we got home from the hospital, I moved to the guest bedroom so I didn’t bother the baby, but what if Alison saw that as me leaving her in a way? She said something about it when we were arguing, and it didn’t make sense to me then. It does now.”
