I expelled a long breath. “When Alison and I were together before my surgery, I thought I was falling in love with her. I might not have described it to myself in exactly those terms, but when I look back—yeah, that’s how I was feeling. If my operation had gone the way it was supposed to, I think we’d be together still. This baby might still be a surprise, but it would be a cause for celebration, maybe.”
“But that’s not how things went. How do you feel about her now?”
“I’m . . .” I hesitated. “I was really angry at first because I didn’t know about her being pregnant. That wasn’t her fault, but she was a handy target. If anyone was to blame, it was me. But over the last little while, I’ve been remembering why I liked her so much. When it came down to it, before I knew she was pregnant, I had a lot of regrets about how I’d cut off Alison. Still, I feel like I have a responsibility to Juliet, that what I’ve done to her isn’t right. I should never have let her pull me in.”
“You don’t love Juliet?” The question was bald, abrupt, and I had no option but to answer it the same way, without prevarication.
“No. I don’t.”
“Could you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. But even before the complication of Alison and the baby, I had my doubts about Juliet and me. The only reason I was trying to make it work between us was that my friend Zeke says I owe it to her. He told me that if I ended things, Juliet would be humiliated both personally and professionally.”
“If you don’t see a future between the two of you, the kindest choice you can make is to end it—with as much compassion as you can.”
“I think I know that. I just don’t want to hurt her. And now there’s been press about us, and the team knows—if I break things off and the press spins it in a certain way, it could impact her career. Her future. She’d be embarrassed.”
“And that’s enough to build a life together on—the need to avoid embarrassment?”
That was the beauty of Father George—he didn’t pull any punches. “You make an excellent point.”
“Something to think about, anyway.” The priest straightened. “And on that note—we’ve gone over quite a bit today, Noah. Lots for you to think about. But it would be a good idea for us to meet again, I believe, if you’re amenable.” He winked at me. “If nothing else, it’ll look good to your—to Alison.”
I nodded. “All right. Maybe in a few weeks, once I have this situation a little more straightened out?”
We set a date and time, and both of us rose to our feet. Father George extended his hand.
“Good luck, Noah. I’ll be praying for you.”
I smiled grimly. “Thanks, Father. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”
1
Alison
“I’m pregnant, Noah. We’re having a baby.”
For the first few moments after I spoke those words, I thought Noah might be having a heart attack. Or some kind of seizure. His eyes went so wide that I could see almost all of the whites, and his mouth literally gaped. If we were in a cartoon, I’d bet his hair would’ve stood on end, too.
But since we were actual, real people, it didn’t. And apparently, he wasn’t suffering cardiac arrest, either, though he did drop to the chair across from mine.
He was silent for a long time, and then, when he spoke, his voice was low and intense.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Is this some kind of sick joke, something you decided to cook up to punish me for—for not taking your calls or answering your texts?”
A coldness crept over me. I hadn’t expected Noah to take this news easily, and I’d known that he was going to need some time to adjust to the truth. But expecting it and hearing it out loud were two different things.
“And for not answering the door when I came to see you the first time. Let’s not forget that,” I snapped. “I stood out here for almost thirty minutes, Noah, because I had just found out that you were at home. I hadn’t known about—about the baby for very long at that point. I needed to talk to someone, and I was so relieved that you were okay, that I could tell you that I was pregnant. But you just let me stand there and ring that bell. You didn’t let me in. I know you were here because you texted me not ten minutes after I finally left.”
He had the good grace to drop his eyes. “I was in a bad place then. Seeing you—I just couldn’t handle it. And believe me, you wouldn’t have wanted to see me, either, if you’d known what a mess I was.”
“Oh, as opposed to the picture of mental health and well-being you are now,” I snorted.
“I’m trying to do better.” He half-snarled the words at me. “I’m doing what I can. I thought I knew what I—Jesus.” He raked one hand through his hair.” And then this comes at me out of left field.”
“Sorry I couldn’t provide you with more warning.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been kind of busy trying to decide what I’m going to do about this pregnancy. I haven’t had a lot of mental space to give much thought to your precious feelings.” That was a lie, but in my current state of all-walls-up total defense, I couldn’t show any sign of weakness.
“What you’re going to do about it? What the hell does that mean?” Noah stood up—he didn’t exactly jump to his feet as much as scramble. “You’re not thinking of—I mean, you’re going to have the baby, aren’t you?”
