“Juliet.” I closed my eyes. “Can we not do this? Please? I understand that it’s a tough situation, and I get that you don’t like it. Believe me, this isn’t the way I planned for life to go, either. But here we are. I wanted to tell you in person what’s going on because I thought it was the right thing to do.”
“Surrrre.” She drew out the word. “It’s just so sweet of you, Noah. You must be so relieved to have an excuse to be rid of me—after all, as you’ve pointed out, I was just temporary. Just a placeholder.” She sneered, and for the first time, I saw a truly ugly side of her. “But just wait until the press gets hold of this bit of news, Noah. What do you think they’re going to write? It’ll be all about how you knocked up another woman while your girlfriend—that’s me—stuck by you during your time of need.”
“You know that the baby was conceived long before you and I were anything other than friends.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table. “Juliet, let’s be honest with each other. Why do you want to be with me? And don’t tell me that you’re in love with me or anything like that. We both know it’s not true.”
She was quiet for a moment, her expression inscrutable. When she spoke again, her tone was even, almost no inflection at all.
“When I came to Tampa, I knew it was my chance to make a name for myself. To be something more than just Commissioner Connors’ youngest girl. I wasn’t so naïve that I thought having a job as the team nutritionist would help me out—it was more like a means to an end.”
“What exactly was the endgame?” I inquired, afraid I already knew the answer.
“Visibility. Recognition. My older sister worked in PR for a team in California, and when she got engaged to one of the players, a TV network offered her a reality show. I could turn an opportunity like that into a lifetime of fame and fortune.”
“So you targeted me as your ticket to getting what you wanted?” The thought nauseated me.
“Not at first.” She shook her head. “When Coach Briars told me your story, I thought you might be up for some fun, but you disabused me of that notion pretty fast. Don’t get me wrong, though, Noah. I liked you from the start. Let’s face it, the Noah Spencer I met before you got hurt was the kind of guy it’s impossiblenotto like. But I could tell you weren’t going to be down for fun without any strings. So I settled for just being your friend.”
“Okay.” I crossed my arms. “And then?”
“And then you got hurt, and I thoughtmaybethings might change, but they didn’t. It wasn’t until you were in the hospital in the coma that I knew I’d have my chance, assuming you ever woke up. Which you did.”
“Oh, really? And what made you think that?
She smiled, her eyes almost mocking. “It was your mother, Noah. She liked me right away. She and I sat by your bed or in the waiting room of the ICU, and she’d tell me about you and Angela, or she’d let me know what kind of woman you needed in your life. I knew that she saw me as just the right person for you, and I figured she might be on my side if and when the opportunity arose. But then you sent her packing.”
“I should have guessed,” I muttered. “Trust my mother to interfere.”
“But that was even better, as it turned out, because after she left, you needed me. You’d pushed away everyone else, but if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s bulling my way through impossible situations. I just don’t take no for an answer.”
That was for fucking sure, I thought grimly.
“What you’re saying is that this whole . . . relationship was something you calculated? Something you planned?”
“I took advantage of an opportunity,” she corrected me. “There’s a difference.”
I didn’t see it, but I wasn’t going to argue. I felt numb and a little queasy. “What about the sex?”
“What about it?” She tossed her head, her blonde hair swinging over one shoulder. “For God’s sake, Noah. It wasn’t a big deal.” She heaved a sigh that sounded far too world-weary for her age. “I guess I didn’t realize how vastly different our views on sex were until the other day when you told me that you’d only slept with Angela and me . . .” She arched her eyebrow. “Oh, and of course, Alison. Can’t forget her.”
“What do you mean?”
Juliet shifted, glancing away from me. “Sex is a big deal for you, isn’t it? It’s not just fucking. You married the first woman you had sex with, Noah. I can’t even wrap my mind around that. But for me, it’s not so serious, or at least, it doesn’t have to be. Sex can be just for fun, or it can be something to do when you’re bored, a way to kill time. It can be . . . a means to an end. Or something that you do with a friend because you have an itch you need to scratch.”
“So what was it with me?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“Oh, well, it was a way for me to get your mind off how miserable you were. Having sex with me reminded you that your life wasn’t over, that you’re still a very physical man . . . that you aren’t weak or broken. And I hoped that it would make you need me.” She raised her eyes to me again. “I miscalculated there, though. You don’t need me. Not for company, not to cheer you up, not for sex—and not even for rides to therapy, huh?”
“I was cleared to drive again yesterday,” I said absently, still digesting everything that Juliet was revealing. “But I appreciated everything you did for me, Juliet. The meals, the rides—to appointments, I mean—” I felt my face go red, and she grinned. “But you’re right. Sex doesn’t feel right for me if there’s not a certain level of intimacy. I know that you think that makes me kind of weird, and I’m okay with that.” I struggled to express what I meant. “You are a beautiful, desirable woman, Juliet. And yeah, I responded to you, I didn’t stop what we were doing when I should have. That’s on me.”
Juliet reached across the table to clasp my fingers. “It doesn’t have to end, Noah. Now that we both know what this is and what it isn’t, there’s no reason we can’t have fun together.” She favored me with the kind of smile that I was sure melted the pants off most men. “We could keep up the show of being a couple—and if we do that, then why shouldn’t we reap the benefits?”
I frowned. “Why would we keep up that show?”
“Because if we don’t, if we end things between us and then it comes out that you got someone else pregnant, I’ll be humiliated. I’ll be the woman you spurned. I don’t want that. I won’t have it.”
A server approached us, but I waved him away with my hand and a shake of my head.
“Juliet, I don’t want to keep—” A shrill ringtone interrupted me, and I reached for my phone. Emma’s name was on the screen. “Just a second. Let me take this.” I had promised Emma that I wouldn’t ghost her again, and so I’d been intentional about not letting even one call go to voice mail if I could help it.
