Noah eyed me steadily for a long moment before he nodded, the smile fleeing his face. “All right. And they are?”
I felt a tic twitch in my cheek. “First of all, our . . . relationship is just about the baby. Nothing more. We’re going to be the parents of this child for the rest of our lives. I think we can manage to do it and still be civil. But that means—no funny business.” I swallowed, realizing that I had to make this crystal clear. “No sex. No flirting. I understand that you don’t even know you’re doing it half the time, but I need you to just—stop. Please.”
“Alison, I was just—” he began.
“Noah, I’m not angry. But I have to protect myself. I’m not like you, and while I’m pregnant, keeping my distance from you is going to be even more difficult. Between the damn pregnancy hormones and you being . . . who you are, I won’t always be able to think clearly. I need you to be responsible and mature. I need you to make sure I get through this—that I come out the other end without being broken.”
“What is that supposed to mean—me being who I am?” Noah frowned.
“You’re the father of my baby. You . . . we conceived this baby because we were attracted to each other. At some point, I might be tempted to act on that attraction again. You can’t let it happen.”
Noah gazed at me, and I saw the hurt, the uncertainty in his eyes. I had to steel myself against taking back my words.
“All right, Alison.” He sounded subdued. “If that’s what you want.”
“It’s what’s best for all of us.” I knew I wasn’t explaining myself well. “Besides, you’re seeing Juliet now, aren’t you?”
“Uh, not really,” he hedged. “I don’t really know how to explain it. That whole situation is complicated. I was an idiot about her, and I made some poor choices. Now I have to live with them, at least until she figures out that we’re not a good fit.”
That was a curious way to describe a relationship. “Is she blackmailing you or something, Noah? That doesn’t sound like you’re having a good time.”
“I’m not,” he said grimly. “But I put her in a terrible position, and now if I break things off, it could affect her job—or at least her standing with the team. She’s played up this thing between us . . . it’s been on the gossip circuit, I guess, social media and all that. She’s well-known because her father is the football commissioner, and the press eats up that shit—the football princess and busted up ex-football player.” He rolled his eyes. “Bullshit like that.”
“Well, you need to straighten out that situation, too, before the baby’s born. If Juliet’s going to be in your life long-term, I want to make sure she’s a positive factor in our child’s life, not someone who’ll be a bad influence.” The thought of Juliet even touching my baby made me feel queasy.
“I’m doing my best. Trust me.” He shrugged. “Maybe she won’t be my problem much longer. She took off yesterday after I told her you were pregnant with my baby. That might be the final straw for her.”
“God, Noah.” I rested my head in my hand. “You’ve really done a bang-up job in the decision-making department lately, haven’t you?”
“Hey.” He seemed vaguely affronted. “I’ve already said I know that. You don’t need to rub salt in the wound.”
“Maybe not, but it occurs to me that you might benefit from some outside help.” The more I considered this idea, the more I liked it. “Have you ever gone to therapy? Had counseling?”
“Oh, Jesus.” Noah leaned back in his chair. “Are you kidding me?”
“Not at all. I think it would be very helpful for you as you navigate all these major life changes. As a matter of fact, I’m going to insist that you talk to someone.”
He raised one eyebrow. “You’re going to insist?”
“Yeah, I am.” I felt a little better, asserting my meager authority. “We both want what’s best for our baby. I think that having a father who’s well-adjusted and handling his shit is the best gift you can give our child.”
He might have rolled his eyes again, but I ignored him and waited in silence.
Finally, he sighed. “About a year ago, maybe a little less, I went to see a priest. My mom pressured me into it—she wanted me to talk to someone about dating again, moving on after Ang. I wasn’t happy, but Father George was pretty cool. Would you be all right if that’s who I talked to? Would that work for you?”
I flipped over my hands. “Sure. If you feel comfortable that you can be open with him, that’s perfect.”
“Fine.” Noah slid back his chair. “I’ll call him this week.” He stood and picked up the empty boxes and salad container, crushing them before he trashed the lot. “It’s getting late, and I’m sure you’re tired. I’m going to call the car service to come to get me.”
“Okay.” I wondered if I should offer to drive him home, but I was so sleepy that I knew I’d never be able to keep my eyes open for the long ride back here after I’d dropped him off. I watched him pull out his phone and send a text. When he tucked the phone back in his pocket, he turned to me.
“We didn’t talk about a couple of important things tonight. I wanted to discuss any legal arrangements we need to make—and I think we need to talk about money, too.”
My shoulders tensed. “What kind of legal arrangements?
“My name will be on the baby’s birth certificate, right? I don’t need a paternity test or anything?”
I shook my head. “Not unless you plan to contest paternity.”
