“Because you had so much to compare it to.” I shifted on my ass so that I could see her better. I didn’t know how much time the two of us had in this weird pseudo-reality, but if it wasn’t very long, I wanted to soak in all of Angela that I could. “Unless you kept other secrets from me.”
“Not a one.” She tilted her head, and that smile—God, that smile. I had lived and died by that smile for the better part of my life.
“So now that we’ve taken a trip down memory lane, do you want to tell me what I’m doing here?”
“Oh, my love.” She leaned back against her hands and extended her legs, wiggling her bare feet in the grass. “It’s been a very interesting few years for you, hasn’t it? I want to tell you that I’m sorry I left you here alone without any preparation. You and I were so busy being positive that we never really discussed what should happen if things didn’t go our way.”
“It wouldn’t have made any difference. I wouldn’t have grieved you any differently. It’s not like I would have missed you any less. I’m glad we spent our time together hoping and not worst-casing everything.”
“Good. I’m glad. But you’ve forgotten that hope since I left. You’ve been alone so much. You ramble around the house—and good Lord, Noah, why are you still living there? You could be enjoying a bachelor pad life right now. Instead, you’re still in the house I picked out and furnished, too far away from the team, from the action.”
“The action,” I mocked. “Because I was going to jump with both feet into drinking and womanizing as soon as you were gone. Please.”
“You never did have a bachelorhood. We grew up as a couple. All your wild oats are still there, waiting to be sowed.”
“I don’t have any wild oats, Ang. All my oats are tamed. I was never meant to be a party guy. I want nights at home in bed, watching movies, the occasional dinner out at the beach . . . long conversations over wine. That sounds wild enough for me.”
“Yes, I know, sweet man. And you’ve found someone who’d love that life with you—someone who could fall in love with you.”
I found I couldn’t meet Angela’s gaze. “It’s new. I—I don’t know—and I could never—” I stopped talking because Angela and I had never played games, never lied to each other, and I’d been about to bluster in order to avoid saying words that I could never have imagined speaking to my late wife.
“Noah.” She laid her hand on my arm, and God help me, I could feel her cool fingers against my heated skin. “My sweet, sweet man. Our time together was magical, and maybe it was all the more so because it was short. But if you refuse to believe that you can love again—and maybe even more deeply, more fully—then you’re insulting what we had. Honor our time, Noah. Honorus. Keep living. Let yourself fall in love again. Have a family, because God, if any man was meant to be a father, it’s you. Don’t make me regret giving you the best years of my life.” Her full cheeks dimpled. “That was a joke, handsome.”
“Yeah.” I blinked, hoping she didn’t see the tears in my eyes. “I want to keep living, Ang, but every time I think about it, I wonder if I’m betraying you.”
“I think I just gave you the answer to that question.”
“Hmmm.” I reached sideways, groping for her hand. “I miss you, Ang. I miss having someone who knows me from way back. Someone who doesn’t need me to explain my past, all the old stories . . .”
“But you’re not the same Noah you were then. You’ve grown. Whether you want to accept it or not, she knows you better than I do now.” She stood up, stretching her arms high over her head. “This was always such a pretty place. It holds happy memories, and they’ll always be a part of us. But we can’t stay here, no matter how much we might think we wish it.”
I wanted to stand up, too, but I found I couldn’t do it. “Angela, I’m dreaming this, right? It’s not really happening, is it?”
She laughed, throwing back her head. “Does it really matter? A wise man once said, ‘Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.’”
I knit my brow. “Who said that? Walt Disney? Picasso? Hemingway?”
Angela began to move away from me, her steps like a graceful dance. “Tupac Shakur. He knew what he was talking about. I love you, sweet man. Live your life and don’t be a dumbass.”
