(A yee, by the way, is a gorgeous, perfect woman . . . in other words, exactly who Preston and I want to find.)
If you have questions about us, about our lives or about The Cuffing Season, send them to the email address listed at the bottom of this page, and I’ll do my best to respond in upcoming columns.
And hey, if you have ideas about the best place to meet women, I’m wide open. These days, if I’m not at the gym or the coffee shop, I’m at work, so I’m hoping some beautiful yee wanders by soon . . .
“Welcome to Allister’s. Can I help you find anything today?” I put on my best happy associate face as the customer alert chimed. It was a sound I heard in my sleep some days; the gentle tones were meant to be non-disruptive to the overall customer experience, but in my mind, they heralded complaints, demands and only the occasional pleasant shopper.
The woman who’d just entered had a teenage boy with her, and from the looks of it, neither of them were happy to be in my store.
“Well, I certainly hope so.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the kid. “Hejust informed me that the jeans I spent an insane amount money for before school began no longer fit him.” She hooked a thumb at her son. “It’s only . . . what late October? He wore those stinkin’ pants for two months, tops. And he tells me this now, in the middle of the week, at six o’clock at night. That’s why I’m at the mall on a school night. So my kid doesn’t have to go to class in just his boxers tomorrow.”
The son’s face went red, and he muttered something under his breath.
“Okay, well . . .” I glanced over my shoulder, wishing that Dora would return from her break already and take over with these two. As manager, I didn’t routinely have to handle customers, unless there was a problem, but tonight, we were short-staffed, and I had to cover whenever someone went on break.
“Let’s start with your size.” I measured the boy with a practiced eye. “I’d say you’re about . . . what, a 30 waist and maybe a 32 length?”
“Yeah.” To say that this kid was unenthused would be an understatement.
“Okay. Well…” I gestured toward our wall of shelved jeans. “Let’s head over there, and we’ll see what we can do to fix you up.” I had just begun pulling down pants for my customer to try on when the chime rang again. Working hard to keep that pleasant expression on my face, I glanced toward the doorway. And then I froze.
The woman who was wandering across her threshold was absolutely, drop-dead gorgeous. A yee of mythic proportions. Blonde hair cascaded down her back in waves, and the short dress that she wore showed off miles of leg.
“I said, is there a key or something for the dressing room?” The mother of my current customer was tapping her foot and glaring at me. Clearly, I was about to join the ranks of sons who dragged their mothers out on a school night to search for jeans.
“Sorry, ma’am.” I reached for the clip on my belt loop. “Sure, I’ll fix you right up. Follow me this way.”
Dammit.Had she left already? Without being too obvious, I tried to look over my shoulder to see whether she was checking out our merchandise or if she had exited. Absently, I opened up a dressing room and ushered the sullen teenager inside
“Okay, how about you tried these on and see if they work. I need to check on something in the front of the store, and then I’ll be right back to see how you’re doing.” I offered the mom a bright smile before I headed toward the entrance with what I would probably have to term alacrity. Let’s just say I didn’t run, but I might have qualified for the mall speed walker team that met here every morning. Just when I spotted my quarry – I mean, my customer – Dora appeared at my side.
“Hey.” She was sipping a drink from the Smoothie Hut. “I’m back from break. I can handle this one in the front if you want me to.”
“No.” I almost barked out the word and then quickly softened my answer. “Sorry. Actually, there’s a boy in the back who’s here with his mother. He’s in dressing room three, trying on jeans. Could you take over for them?”
Dora narrowed her eyes at me. “Is there something wrong with them? Are they pain in the neck customers?”
I tried to look innocent. “Of course not. He just needs some jeans. His mom is helping him, and I already set him up with stuff to try on. I’m sure that they’ll find something in what I gave them, and all you’re gonna have to do is check them out.” I shrugged. “And I’ll give you the commission for it, too.”
Dora wasn’t convinced. “Why would you just . . .”
At that moment, the yee wandered into sight again. Dora watched her for a moment, and then begin to laugh.
“Ohhhhhh, okay. I get it now. You’re planning to make time with the hottie over there.”
I gave a long-suffering sigh. “Dora, I’m at work. I’m offering you the chance to make some decent money on a pretty easy sale. Don’t look for ulterior motives when there are none.”
“Sure.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s what it is. The goodness of your heart, blah, blah, blah. Okay, Harry. Go ahead. Go check out the chick, and I’ll take care of the two in the back.”
I thought about getting on her case a little bit more, just to make the point that I wasn’t, in fact, being unprofessional, but in the end, I decided that I’d better not press my luck. Besides, the woman who I wanted to talk to was now standing closer to the exit, looking around with a fair amount of indecision.
“Hey, there.” I used my best customer voice. “Welcome to Allister’s. How can I help you?”
She turned eyes on me that were, I kid you not, violet. I was so surprised by the color that for a moment, I couldn’t speak.
That was okay, because she did. “Hey.” She gave a little giggle. “I was beginning to think that nobody was working here.”
“Yeah, I know.” I shook my head. “I mean, yeah, I’m working here. I’m the manager actually. I was just—” I waved vaguely in the direction that Dora had walked. “The associate working tonight was on break, so I was covering her customers. But she’s got it now. So, is there something I can do for you?”
