“I appreciate that.” Daddy’s voice wavered a little, and my heart hurt for him. I’d been so anxious to get home and be with my family, but I hadn’t taken into account how much their grief would compound my own. Seeing my father and my sisters reeling from the loss just as I was added a component to my pain.
I glanced at Honey, who was sitting in her usual chair. Her face was composed and serene, although there was undeniable sadness in her eyes. Giving Nicky’s hand a quick squeeze, I stood up and went to sit on the floor next to my grandmother’s chair, laying my head in her lap as I had when I was a little girl and needed comfort.
“Honey, what can I do for you?”
She smiled and stroked my hair. “Nothing, Kyra. Just having you and Nicky here now makes me feel better. You know how important it was for Handsome and me to have the whole family together. It’s always been one of our great joys.”
I blinked back a second onslaught of tears. “You and Handsome made us all feel welcome every time we came here—or to your house in Maine. And if it wasn’t for you both, I wouldn’t have found Nicky again.” Our eyes met across the room.
“Oh, I have faith that something else would’ve brought you together. You two are meant to be, just like your grandfather and I are.” She coughed a bit. “Or were, I guess. I’m having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the past tense.”
“Love is never a past tense deal, Mom.” My dad swallowed hard and managed a crooked smile. “Especially not the kind of love you and Dad have. Past, present, future, life and death—time and mortality can’t touch that sort of love. It’s the most powerful force in the world.” He glanced around at all of us. “That love created this family and brought all of us here. So ... never think you have to talk about Dad as if he’s only part of the past. He’ll always be part of us, for the rest of our lives.”
There was nothing else that could be said—nothing else that needed to be said. We sat in silence as one day ended and a new one began.
NICKY ANDIBOTH COLLAPSEDinto bed that night, despite the fact that for us, on London time, it was our normal breakfast hour just as we went to sleep. It wasn’t any wonder that we were exhausted, given the events of the last few days. Physically, mentally and emotionally—I knew I was beyond tired, on the verge of shattering into a million pieces if I didn’t find a way to rest at least a little.
When I opened my eyes in the morning to see the familiar curtains draping the window of the bedroom that had been mine as long as I could remember, for a moment I forgot everything. I only knew that I was home.
“Sleep well?” Behind me, Nicky’s voice was low and deep. I snuggled back against him with a sigh.
“Amazingly, yes. I didn’t think I would, but once my head hit the pillow, I was out.” I rolled to face him, lightly brushing my fingers over the scruff on his jawline. “How about you?”
“Just about the same. I opened my eyes a few times and was a bit disoriented, but otherwise, I slept like the dead.” As soon as the word left his mouth, he winced. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”
“Don’t.” Framing his face with my hand, I kissed his lips. “That’s not insensitive, and you know Handsome would be snickering if he heard you.”
“Still ...” Nicky insinuated his arm underneath my body and held me closer. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“I think I’m in shock a little bit, even now,” I admitted. “I woke up and for just a moment, I’d forgotten why we’re here. It took my brain a minute to catch up.” I let myself sag against Nicky, pressing into him as much as I could. “You know, I was thinking. Here I am acting like the world is ending because my grandfather died. He lived a full and happy life, he lived to see his grandchildren grow up, he knew such love and success, and he died peacefully in his sleep after a wonderful evening with his family. But the people we met through Alex’s charity lost husbands and wives who were young and never got to see their kids grow up, let alone their grandchildren. I feel like I should be ... I don’t know, stronger, somehow. Better than this. Maybe I don’t have the right to grieve as I am.”
“That’s absolutely ridiculous.” Nicky’s tender tone softened the crispness of his words. “Ky, you know better, or you should. Grief is not something that should be compared. There are not varying degrees of who is worthy of your tears—loss is loss, no matter how long you’ve had the person in your life.” He stroked my back, his fingers soothing me. “I remember something Alex said, not too long after Grayson was killed. She said she was mourning not only the loss of him, her fiancé and lover and friend, but also the loss of all the potentiality—the years they might have had. The marriage they never experienced. The children who might have been born to them. I didn’t understand it so much at the time—remember, I was only sixteen—but I do now. And I think that’s part of your grief—we’re in the midst of such an exciting time in our lives, and we’ll miss your grandfather in all the wedding celebrations, and then later, at each milestone we reach.”
“That’s true.” I lay quietly in Nicky’s arms, letting myself relax and enjoy his ministrations. As his hands wandered over me, only trying to offer comfort, I felt a stirring of something more. Something deeper than the solace he was giving me, something yearning to prove that in the face of death and loss, I was still alive.
Tipping my chin up, I sealed my lips to his, parting them and deepening the kiss. He responded tentatively, and I suspected he was trying not to push me. But we were lying close enough that I didn’t have to guess at whether or not his body was interested in my subtle seduction.
“Nicky,” I whispered. “If I wanted you to make love to me right now, would you think less of me? Would you think I’m a terrible person?”
“Of course not.” His answer was swift and fervent. “I just didn’t want to push you into anything you might not be ready to do, given the circumstances.”
“You’re not pushing. I’m asking.” I slid my hands down his back to grip that fine ass that always filled me with want. “No, I’m demanding.” I rolled over so that I lay on top of him. “And I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Believe me, I’m not telling you no.” Nicky tugged on my arm until I landed flat on top of him, my breasts pushing against his bare chest. “But let me love you, sweetheart. Let me take care of you.”
He turned slightly, just enough that I was cradled in his arms as he propped himself above me. Sweeping my hair away from my face, he leaned down and covered my lips in a gentle, almost reverent kiss. I let my eyes drift shut and centered all of my focus on the way his mouth felt against mine.
His breath was hot against my skin as he trailed kisses over my cheek, along my jaw and then down the column of my neck. I shivered when the tip of his tongue touched my collar bone.
“Ky, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” The vibration of his low murmur tickled, and I squirmed a bit. “Your skin here is so soft. And you smell like ...” He breathed deeply. “Your spring flowers, of course. It’s nearly time for them to blossom again, isn’t it?”
“Almost.” My voice was breathy and almost dreamy. Nicky’s touch was hypnotizing me, slowly and surely.
“Hmmm.” He eased lower and cupped one breast in his palm. “And here you are softest of all.” His mouth hovered just over the tip that ached for his attention. “Except just in this one spot. He lowered his head and sucked the nipple deeply, not changing his rhythm even when I arched my back and gave a small cry of pleasure.
Nicky continued to worship my breasts, moving from one side to the other, over and over again, until I was nearly weeping with need.
“Nicky,” I gasped. “Please.”
