“Yes.” I nodded. “I mean, I’ve read about ...” My voice trailed off. Was it rude to admit that I’d read books about the Queen’s early life? “What I mean is, I used to read books, years ago, about the Royal Family. I’ve always been interested in history.”Shit. Did it sound as though I was calling her ancient?
If it did, apparently this didn’t bother Her Majesty. “You’ve done your homework, then. Well done, you.” She gave a brisk shake of her head. “Never apologize for being prepared, for studying ahead of time, for being well-informed. It speaks well of you.”
“Thank you.” It seemed like the right thing to say.
“My son tells me that your education is in agriculture. And Nicky has spoken about your passion for preserving the planet, too. Although that wasn’t something we thought about too much when I was young, I’m very impressed by the efforts of young people these days.”
I cleared my throat. “My grandparents have always been concerned about ecology, about how what we do now affects the future of the earth. I guess I picked it up almost by osmosis.” I lifted one shoulder. “Their business grew out of their interest in all things green and wholesome, and our entire family became part of that.”
“Yes, juice, isn’t it? And related food? How interesting.” The Queen nodded. “And you’re working for their company here in London now, too, aren’t you? How have you found the transition to living in England?”
I frowned, slightly befuddled by the abrupt change in topic. “I ... well, it’s been different. Maybe if I had lived here before, ah—” I fell silent. “I haven’t been able to explore very much on my own. At all, really. Everything I see from the car windows as I drive to work seems lovely, though. And I love Kensington Palace. I try to walk around the gardens at least a couple of times a week.”
The Queen’s brow drew together. “How unfortunate that you haven’t been able to enjoy our city.” Her face fell into thoughtful lines. “Although I can definitely empathize. My sister and I, when we were young, felt similarly stymied. We didn’t have the same freedom others did, and there were times when we might have resented that. For us, it was more a matter of safety than of the press coverage, though. That aspect of life has only become more unpleasant in recent years.”
She sounded a bit weary and somehow more human. I was emboldened to ask her a question. “Did you and—and Princess Margaret never get to see any of London? You couldn’t see the Tower or Big Ben?”
The queen laughed softly. “Well, we did visit all those sites, but it was in more of an official capacity than anything else. And there was once ...” Her eyes grew distant. “It was on V-E Day, at the end of the war. There was tremendous celebration everywhere, people thronging in the streets and the Mall outside the palace ... Margaret and I begged our parents to be allowed to take part in it, and for once, the answer was yes.” She shook her head ruefully. “I attribute that more to my sister’s stubbornness than anything else. At any rate, we were permitted to slip outside and stand among the people. No one recognized us. We yelled for the King and the Queen with all of the rest of them. It was glorious.”
I smiled along with her, picturing the young girl she must have been at the end of World War II. “I bet it was.”
The Queen blinked, and I didn’t miss the touch of sadness there. Her sister had been gone for many years now, as were, of course, her parents. I thought how painful it must be, to be the only one left of a generation, of a family. Even surrounded as she was by supporters and her children and grandchildren, the Queen must have felt lonely at times.
“Well.” She straightened, her lips pressing together. “That’s quite ancient history, and not at all what we’re here to talk about, is it? I was very pleased to hear that my grandson had asked for your hand and that you had agreed to marry him.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The Queen was, I sensed, a woman who didn’t care to indulge too often or too long in sentiment. “I feel very lucky. Nicky is—well, he’s amazing.”
“He’s a bit of a scoundrel, but he has a good heart, I believe, and a strong intellect. He’s kind and loyal, and he’s hard-working. And anyone with eyes can tell that he’s besotted with you.”
I felt my cheeks heat. “I—thank you, ma’am. The feeling is mutual.”
“Last year, when we were all together for the Christmas holidays, he was not at all himself. He moped around and was generally miserable. I was given to understand at the time that the two of you had had a falling out. That perhaps my grandson had acted in such a way to cause a rift.” She watched me, and I wondered if this was some sort of test to see how I would respond.
“I think we both had some things to figure out.” I spoke slowly, feeling my way. “I was trying to be the person I thought I had to be, trying to change who I was, and Nicky was worried that he was asking too much of me—that being with him was going to be too difficult on me. He was trying to protect me.” I swallowed over a lump in my throat. Those had been painful months. “If you could speak with my family, they’d probably tell you very much the same thing about me last Christmas. I wasn’t much fun to be around, either.”
“Then I suppose we should all be grateful that the two of you worked everything out.” Her Majesty gave me a brief incline of the head—and for a moment, I almost thought she’d winked at me. But I must have been mistaken.
“Now, before Nicky wanders back, which should be any minute—knowing him, I imagine he’s anxiously pacing in the hallway, worried about what I might be saying to you—let’s have some tea brought in and discuss wedding plans. The spring is such a lovely time, and I have some thoughts on the church ...”
“ ... and she was just wonderful. And so was the Prince. Your grandfather, I mean.” I let my head drop against the headrest of the car seat. “I can’t believe it. I survived.”
“Not only survived, but thrived.” Nicky beamed at me as we drove back to Kensington Palace. “Granny loved you, just as I predicted. Now that we have her approval, we can go ahead with the engagement announcement.”
“Yes.” I took a deep breath and heaved it out.
“Does that make you nervous?” Nicky kept his voice even, but I noticed the small tick in his cheek. “The idea of telling the world that we’re getting married, I mean?”
“Not exactly nervous. I don’t mind everyone knowing that we’re in love and want to spend our lives together. But it feels so ...” I searched for the word. “Irrevocable.”
One of Nicky’s eyebrows rose. “So you’re saying you’ll be trapped with no way out once we announce it?”
“Not trapped byyou, silly.” I hugged his free arm, the one that wasn’t currently steering the car. “And honestly, not really trapped at all. It’s just that from that day on, everyone will see me as one of the Royal Family, and they’ll have expectations of me. Now, I’m just the girl who might be Prince Nicky’s girlfriend. They can’t hold me to a standard of behavior. They can’t complain that I don’t dress like a princess or walk like a duchess, because I’m not either of those things. But once we tell them that we’re getting married, that’s all any of the reporters will see—all the ways in which I am deficient.”
“Ky.” Nicky’s lips pressed together as he swung the car through the opening gates of Kensington Palace. “You are not deficient in any way, shape or form. You know that in my eyes, you’re absolutely perfect. And you’ve promised me that you’re not going to try to change to make anyone happy.”
I didn’t answer him right away. Mindful of the fact that Harold, Nicky’s policeman, was sitting in the backseat, I waited until Nicky had parked the car alongside the cottage, next to my own sensible sedan, and we’d both climbed out before I said anything. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Harold; I did, implicitly. But I hadn’t yet reached the place where I was comfortable baring my soul in front of an outsider. Nicky and his sisters often acted as though their protection crew were part of the furniture. Not that they were ever rude or dismissive—they simply behaved as though the men and women who kept them safe didn’t hear or see anything.
Thinking about this, I made it a point to turn around as Nicky and I climbed out of the car and began to walk toward the cottage door.
