We hadn’t avoided deep conversation, though. More than once, we’d lingered at lunch for hours, talking about the past and present, sharing things we’d never admitted to each other—or maybe even to ourselves. I’d told Quinn about my last conversation with Nate, and she’d spoken about his advice to her.
“He loved us both,” Quinn had murmured. “He really did want us to have the best shot at happiness. I truly believe that.”
I’d nodded somewhat grudgingly. “I think you’re right. It was just hard to take it that way at the time.”
Tonight, on my last evening in California, Kara and Allan had invited us to join them for dinner. I’d met the couple earlier in my visit, but this was my first opportunity to get to know them. I could tell that they were as warm and friendly as Quinn had told me, and we were all having a good time. Quinn and Kara were in the kitchen now, cooking, and they’d shooed Allan and me outside with our drinks. Judging by the assessing look in Kara’s eyes, I suspected I was the main topic of conversation as they sautéed vegetables.
“I’ve seen some of your games, too, son. And of course, I’ve heard about you from Quinn since she’s been here with us. You’ve got talent, Leo, and what’s more, you’ve got the knack. The heart. You’re a football player on more than just the surface level. I think you’re going to go far.”
“I hope so.” I hesitated. Allan Crocker might not have been a star, but he was definitely a respected player who knew both the game on the field and the sometimes more challenging game off the field. “I love football. I want to play as long as I can. My only worry is about Quinn.”
“What about her?” Allan took a long pull of his beer, his eyes on my face.
“Sometimes I’m afraid Quinn feels like football comes before her. I wonder if it comes down to a choice ... can I make it? I’d give up football in a heartbeat, if it was between the game and the girl. But if I did that, I’d be cutting off part of myself, and I don’t know who I’d be. Maybe I couldn’t be the man Quinn loves without the game.”
Allan swirled the bottle of beer, watching the bubbles rise. “I feel like I know Quinn pretty well now. I don’t know you, of course, and only the two of you can figure out your relationship and what works for you. But I can tell you from my own experience that football can be part of the glue that binds you together with your wife, or it can be the mistress who comes between you. I’ve seen it happen both ways. Both of you need to have a healthy respect for the game, but you can’t make it more than it is. In the end, you’ll walk away, and the game will go on without you. If you’re particularly blessed, you’ll hold onto some of the friends you made along the way, just as Kara and I have. But you can’t make the game more than it is, and you can’t expect it to give you more than it can.”
I frowned, digesting what he’d said. “So you don’t think I have to choose between having Quinn and playing football?”
Allan pursed his lips. “Son, Quinn has known you all your life. Football has been part of that. She has never said anything to me that would indicate she expects you to give it up.” He sighed. “You just have to work extra hard to make sure she knows her place in your life. At least, that was my experience. When the other guys on the team went out to a bar after practice—I came home and ate with my wife. When they partied after a game—I celebrated with Kara and Gunner. Kara put up with a ton of shit over the years, thanks to my career: long hours, travel, media attention—so I felt like anything I could give her, any time I could make sure to be there for her, I was.”
It was a revelation to hear that, and it freed a part of me that had been dreading having to make that choice. The idea that I could have both parts of my dream—both Quinn and football—made me almost dizzy with joy, and not a little impatient to make it all happen now.
“Dinner is served, gentlemen.” Quinn appeared in the doorway that led from the deck to the dining room. She was wearing a pretty dress that kind of floated around her body, in just the exact same shade of green that brought out the color of her eyes. Backlit by the lights in the house, she looked almost ethereal as she smiled at us. And in that moment, I wanted her more than I ever had before, with a desire so sharp it nearly hurt.
As though she read my want in my eyes—and maybe she did—Quinn took a step toward me, holding out her hand. When I took it in mine, the connection zinged through me like lightening, singeing my core.
Threading my fingers through hers, I let her lead me inside to where dinner awaited, hoping I could behave myself long enough to get Quinn back to her apartment.
We’d been good over these past four days, Quinn and me. We’d kept our promise to each other, and although we’d touched and held hands, I hadn’t kissed her on the mouth yet, and we’d shared only brief hugs at bedtime. It was as if we both knew that taking one more step put us at risk for a plunge we weren’t ready to navigate yet.
But tonight was my last night in San Francisco. Tomorrow I’d board a plane that would take me three thousand miles away from her, and neither of us knew when we’d be together again. Quinn had told me that she was technically free to leave any time, but she still felt responsible for some of the final cleanup details that went along with publishing and releasing a book. She wasn’t sure when she would be back in New Jersey.
“The thing is, I’d like to have a plan before I go back,” she’d said earlier. “Mom’s sold the house, you know. She and Shane the dry cleaner are in Europe right now.” There was still a little residual bitterness in her tone, but I understood that. I was pretty sure that if my mom had died and my dad had taken up with someone else, the transition would’ve been tough for me. “So if I go back, I’ll have to stay at the shore house. Call me a coward, but I’m not ready for that yet.”
“What about Zelda or Gia?” I had hopes that any move Quinn made would be short-lived, since what I really wanted was for her to be with me in Virginia. Still, I was willing to offer suggestions that would at least get her to the right coast.
Quinn had wrinkled her nose. “Zelda ... I hope she’s not going to be an option for long. I hope she and Tuck end up moving in together, and yuck, I don’t want to be there for that. Gia doesn’t have room in her apartment. And of course, until I have a job again, I can’t contribute to rent or utilities, so I’d feel bad mooching off them.”
“I thought Dawn had promised that you could have your old position back at the magazine when you came home.” Quinn’s editor had been more than accommodating, and since she was a friend of Allan and Kara’s, I couldn’t imagine her penalizing Quinn for taking the job with the Crockers.
“She did. But I’m not sure I want it. I was thrilled to be able do that work while Nate was—while he was here. It was a wonderful arrangement, and Dawn was always very kind. But it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want something more.”
Our conversations rolled around in my head as I sprawled on Quinn’s sofa, waiting for her to come out and join me. We’d gotten home from Kara and Allan’s house about ten minutes before, but it was too early for bed.Or at least, I told myself,too early to go to bed alone. Which was what I was going to be doing. Possibly after a cold shower.
“You look like you’re deep in contemplation.” Quinn came into the room wearing hot pink yoga pants and a loose tank. My body went on full alert. “Penny for your thoughts.”
“Sorry, inflation.” I patted the cushion next to me. “I can’t take anything less than a quarter.”
She hesitated only a moment before she sat down just beyond the reach of my hand. “Oooooh, too rich for my blood. Is there a friends and family discount?”
“Depends. Which one are you?” I scooted a little closer.
She cocked an eyebrow at me. “Definitely not family. But I thought knowing you since we were in utero would let me qualify as a friend, at least.”
I reached toward her bare arm and ran one finger from her shoulder to her wrist. “At the very least. Isn’t there another category? How about ... friends who are more than friends, and who I hope will be family?”
Her eyes went soft, and she shivered at my touch. “Family? Does that mean you want me to be like ... your sister?”
